2016 March FROM MY
PERSPECTIVE
Don’t you just
hate it when you know you’re tired and sleepy and keep falling asleep in your
chair, then as soon as you go to bed your body and mind say, “HA!!! ‘Just kidding.”? It’s, also, a real honk-off when you awaken after
sleeping just 2.25 hours and your mind says, “Hey, I want to relive, through
your memory, those wild college/high school/single days you had, and it is to
be right now!”
IKEA, the Swedish
furniture/home supply store which is so popular, is celebrating its 75th
birthday. I made it a cake and sent it
to the closest store. In the box I
placed: 2 eggs, an 8 oz. carton of milk,
2 cups of flour, 1 cup of sugar, a stick of butter, 1 teaspoon of salt, a bowl,
a whisk, a pan, and a container of icing.
My message read: Happy Birthday,
IKEA! Here’s your cake!” I forgot the instructions, just like they do.
I saw in a West Virginia newspaper
an article about a woman sentenced for selling heroin near a playground of a
school. My thought was, “Maybe some of
the parents of the children at that school needed to take her up a holler for
some ‘physical education’.”
Some girl told me
how very difficult it was for her to gain weight. I told her it was very difficult for me to
NOT gain weight. We had a good laugh,
and then I kicked her very hard in her skinny butt.
One Sunday morning
a new pastor at a little country church asked an older man to say a
prayer. The man started, “Dear Lord, I
don’t like buttermilk. I ain’t real fond
o’ flour. Salt’s difficult to taste when
it’s alone. Lard leaves a slick, nasty
taste in my mouth, and sugar’s a bit gritty on m’ tongue.” The pastor opened one eye and wondered,
“Where in the world is he going with this?”, but remained silent. The old man continued. “But, Lord, after You mix ‘em all together
and bake ‘em in a hot oven, I just love them biscuits. Dear Lord, help us to realize when life gets
hard, when things come up that we don’t like, whenever we don’t understand what
You’re a-doin’, that we need to wait and see what You are a-makin’. After You get through a-mixin’ and a-bakin’,
it’ll probably be somethin’ even better than them biscuits. Amen and amen, Oh Lord.” (This
just goes right along with Romans 8:28, doesn’t it?)
“Angry people want
you to see how powerful they are. Loving
people want you to see how powerful you are.”
Chief Red Eagle
Some things cross
my mind every now and then. For
example: I’m rather certain that the
person who put that first “R” in February, also, decided how to spell
Wednesday. Perhaps they put that
first “R” in February to blend with the
“B” as a weather report to others about what it’s like in the North during the
second month of the year…..BRRRRRR. This
same person probably thought putting a “B” at the end of “plumb” wouldn’t
confuse a lot of people about how to pronounce it. Then there is/are: there,their, they’re and to/too/two. FACEBOOK let’s us know how NOT to use the
choices of those words. FACEBOOK: a chosen nightmare of butchered grammar and
sentence construction for an English teacher.
The mark of the
educated man is not in his boast that he has built his mountain of facts and
stood on the top of it, but in his admission that there may be other peaks in
the same range with men on the top of them, and that, though their views of the
landscape may be different from his, they are nonetheless legitimate. -E.J.
Pratt, poet (4 Feb 1882-1964) In
other words, it is when you realize you don’t know it all, and that others have
something to contribute to your knowledge, that you are smarter than the
average bear.
I went over to
Brenduhh’s house to help her; she’d called for some assistance. I walked into her kitchen and there she stood
with a 2 large pizza cutters. “What did
you need me to help you do, Brenduhh?” I asked.
“I have the big pizza to cut. I
went to the doctor today and he told me I need to cut carbs. Would you help me, please?” For some reason, only known to her, she
believed she was following the doctor’s orders.
Fresh snow absorbs
sound, lowering ambient noise over a landscape because the trapped air between
snowflakes reduces vibration. That’s why
it gets so quiet when it snows except for the roar of children because there is
no school.
You know those
lyric sites which provide the words to songs of now and the past? Well, when I was a kid, we’d have to sing the
songs all wrong for years until the truth destroyed us. Gods, what a shock when I found out that the
Fifth Dimension’s AQUARIUS lyrics were, “This is the dawning of the age of
Aquarius” instead of “This is the dawning of the age of asparagus, the age of
asparagus.” Then there was Def Leppard’s
POUR SOME SUGAR ON ME lyric, which I always thought strange hearing “sweet
potatoes, sack of beans” as I sung it, but it actually was “sweet to taste, saccharine.”
While talking with
a friend of mine, we got on the subject of “Empty Nest Syndrome”. We both have 4 children. She told me she wasn’t looking forward to
August when the last one would be going away to college and it would just be
her and her hubby. “I’m not looking
forward to the “Empty Nest Syndrome” I’ve heard about, Trudy,” she
lamented. I looked at her and grinned,
“Sweetie, you won’t experience it. Your
hubby still lives in the house with you.”
A sign seen in a
parking garage: “PLEASE PAY YOUR PARKING
FEE BEFORE EXISTING.”
What do you get
when you eat peanut butter with your baked beans?-----a fart which sticks to
the roof of your butt.
Budget cuts have
hit a certain police department. There
will now be a Chihuahua K9 attack unit.
No ankle will be safe!
Pizza rolls: a
masochistic delight to burn your mouth 15 different times in one sitting.
Churros: Mexico’s sadistic way of saying, “I
bet you can’t eat just one” and getting back at stressed Americans through
dessert.
Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing,
wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating; there is really no such thing as bad
weather, only different kinds of good weather. -John Ruskin, author, art
critic, and social reformer (8 Feb 1819-1900) Hmmm, I wonder if he’s ever been in a tornado, hurricane,
typhoon, or ice storm. I find none of
those refreshing, exhilarating, or supporting (“braces us up”).
The wise Polish
saying of, “It’s not your circus; it’s not your monkeys” can not always apply
to people with children. Sometimes it is
YOUR circus and they are YOUR monkeys. I
know, I’ve had a ring-side seat often.
Blessings and
snickers, Trudy :)
