2017 February FROM MY PERSPECTIVE
A few years ago while
doing some raised-volume “motivational speaking” to the teen
terrorists-in-training, they seemed to shy away from the area of my “podium” in
front of their rooms. “Get back here and pay attention!” I growled. One brave soul
said, “Mom, you really are losing your memory. You’ve said this same thing at
least 15 times this week.” Oh, the
memories of raising 5 “darlins” over the years.
Some memories keep me smiling and some add to the frown lines produced
from “directing” them.
I saw this sign at
a car wash: “Guaranteed satisfaction or
we’ll give you back your dirt.”
A friend of mine
had an encounter with a sexual predator who was talking with her child at the
school bus stop. She had told him to go
away and not talk to the child, again.
She went to the police and school administration. They told her they’d look into it, but there
wasn’t much they could do until something happens. This was not very reassuring to her, so she
shared all of the conversations with her husband. He went to the police department and told the
investigating officer, “If something happens to my child with that sexual
predator, I’m gonna happen to him.” The
detective told the father he can’t make threats. The father told the detective, “I’m not
making a threat. I’m stating a fact.”
The police department put a patrol officer at the bus stop in the mornings and
afternoons for protection of someone.
Here are some
interesting names I’ve found. “Chewy”
Gumm (his parents were big STAR WARS fans); Lonie Ranger; O. Nohh; Warren
Peace; Silence Bellows; Iccolo Miccolo (piccolo player with the San Francisco
Symphony); Banker Teller; Donno Wen; Somma Pickle Peters; Brighton Early;
Collinka Davisinka; Scott Scott; Ruby Gemm; Fine Night who married Sunny Dayh;
Oh-no Bono .
I know some of
you, well most of you, are moms. Oh the
tales/stories we can tell to others about our “adventures” with the tiny
terrorists who have captured our hearts and souls. I have young friends you are not as seasoned
as I in “mom-hood”. They are finding out
through the verbiage from their loins that they “are the worst mom in the
world.” Here are some of their stories: “I
just found out I'm the worst mom ever when he realized it really is shower
night. After 15 mins. of repeating myself, he is finally in the shower crying
it out. If I were my parents I would have heard ‘keep it up I'll give you
something to cry about’. Next thing you know they are doing armpit farts
in the shower and laughing like crazy-ended with book reading and all are
happy. Go figure! But, I'm going to let this one slide, because this kid
will go to school tomorrow telling me I'm the best mom ever! It's tough being
6!” “My 11 yr
old HATES to shower and my 7 yr old wants two a day!!!??!? Feel like I can
never win!” ”I experienced that. I'd
usually shout, ‘USE SOAP, STINKY.’”
“Gabby told me she was going to "pretend like she has a good
mom." This was after she got into trouble for making a huge mess. I said,
‘O.K, I quit,’ then she begged me not to. Motherhood...it's a real treat
sometimes (sarcasm).” “My daughter
stomped off to bed. Slammed the door. I gave it some time and when I went in
she was sleeping. Will they ever know how many forehead kisses they really got
as a child/ teen?” “One of mine yelled,
‘You’re the worst mother in the world!!’; then, 20 minutes later told me I was
the best mother in the world. I told
her, ‘Do not confuse me within a half-hour of time. I’m old and not responsible for the confusion
it causes.’”
Someday
they will realize we were the only ones who “had their back” 24/7, would walk
through fire and hell for them, would tell them we loved them while they were
screaming they hated us, and never, never would have said to them some of the
things they’ve said to us…..well, other than calling them “Stinky”.
We all have our time machines. Some take us back----they're called memories. Some take us forward----they're called dreams. -Jeremy Irons, actor (b. 19 Sep 1948) And then, there is the one where we get stuck----that’s called reality. Trudy (b. 1945)
I was recently asked, “Hey, what’s on your mind?” I told the person, “Well, not much since I was informed I'm an ‘air head.’ Teens can be so cruel to a mother. The freezer can hold a body and the fridge has 3 bottles of wine in it. Oh, the choices, oh, the choices.”
A barnyard fowl was walking along the road. It met a man and asked, “What is your name?” The man replied, “Bond…..James Bond. What is yours?” The fowl replied, “Ken……..Chick Ken.” Groaner, huh?
If a group of computers got a virus and passed it on to those who worked on those computers, would that be called “a staff infection”?
Sphenopalatine ganglioneuralgia (sfen-o-pal-a-tine gang-leo-neur-al-gia) is the scientific name for an ice cream headache.
A Spanish magician said he’d disappear on the count of three. He said, “Uno, dos, ****POOF!!” He disappeared without a tres. (another groaner, huh?)
I’m sure you’re familiar with that wonderful product called WD-40. It does just about anything to make our lives easier. I’ve seen where there are over 2,000 uses for this product. Here is the website: http://wd40.com/files/wd40-2000.pdf. What is, also, amazing is the determination of its inventor, chemist Norm Larsen, who performed 40 tries to get the lubricant's formula correct. This is a fine example of “Never give up”. Thank you, Norm!!
“Ner-ism”: I have a friend who is well endowed. Her 5 year old son came to her with this treasure. “Ner found my bra, put it on backwards, came to find me. "Mommy is this your back pack? This is like a backpack, huh? What do you put in here??? Big books?? Got two sides. Put lotsa books in dere." Until next month…….smiles and blessings to you. Trudy
