2020 July FROM MY PERSPECTIVE
During the difficult times of the “lock down” tempers
flared, sadness surfaced quickly, and some had trouble trying to find humor in
little things. I saw a sign at a cemetery
entrance---“Any cemetery visitor MUST wear a mask while outside a
vehicle.” Really??? I told it to my friend who has a warped sense
of humor. She said, “Well, the 6 feet of
social distancing is already in place, but if one of those corpses coughs, I’m
going to need a DEPENDS, not a mask.” I
told her, “I’m sure you will and you’ll wear it with poise.”
I’ve wondered how cashiers are feeling with all the masks on
the faces of customers. I’d be thinking,
“Alright, which one is going to ask for all the money in the cash
register? How will I describe that
robber to the police? I can hear the
description now --- ‘Well, they were wearing tattered jeans, a green t-shirt,
had uncut hair, and a mask.’” Sometimes
I don’t mind wearing them especially when I’ve gone to the
big-box-got-most-merchandise-from-another-country store. I don’t know why some people think they can
talk ugly, use nasty words, and such to others, especially children. The masks (a.k.a. “face diapers”) seem to
muffle the waste coming out of their mouth, though.
I read where a Maryland restaurant purchased ‘bumper tables’
that look like giant inner tubes to keep customers 6 feet apart. Can you imagine the game of “Bumper Tables”
after a few strong beers? I, also, read
that in certain Catholic churches there is a drive-through confessional. The
priest will use a squirt gun to anoint one with holy water. The super-soaker guns are for repeat
offenders. Oh my gosh, the visual is
cracking me up.
I believe in most holistic applications to better
health. I use a lot of them. One day I was complaining to Aint Daisy about
some aches and pains I was having. She
recommended I rub some olive oil and Epsom salts on the areas and report to her
the results. I went home and did what
she suggested. Later that day I went
back to tell her the results. “Well,
what did you find with that application, chile?” I told her, “I don’t know if I did something
wrong or not, but all I felt was oilier and saltier.” “Yep, that’s part of the results. Did you feel as much discomfort rubbing all
that around?” she asked. “Actually, no I
didn’t. I thought it sort of strange,
too.” “Well, ya see, when you keep
thinking about your troubles and discomfort they just stay. When you do something else to try to help yourself
it sort of goes away or gets less.
Besides, welcome your aches and pains; they let you know you’re not
dead.” I couldn’t help but laugh at that
last statement.
Brenduhh came over for breakfast. I served grits, eggs, and fruit. As she looked at the grits, she asked what it
was. I told her, “Well, some call it
‘ice cream of the South.’” She looked
puzzled saying, “It’s hot. Ice cream is
not hot. What is it, Trudy?” I told her it was called grits. She took a
bite and showed displeasure. “What’s in
this stuff?” she quizzed. I told her,
“It’s ground corn, salt and butter, sort of like popcorn or whole kernel corn,”
I informed her. “You have me so
confused, now. First you tell me it’s
ice cream; then you tell me it’s like popcorn; then to tell me it’s like whole
kernel corn. I don’t know which one it
is, so I’m not going to eat it.” I
wasn’t really sad she didn’t like it. I
love grits, and her refusal left more for me. During her visit she told me she
was getting an adult sheep and putting a lawn chair on its back. Of course I asked why. She told me, “It’s a riding lawn mower and
fertilizer spreader all in one.”
I have trouble with artificial intelligence. I keep thinking, “All that has to happen for
a huge goof-up is the electrical connection to be un-plugged. Why should time be spent on artificial
intelligence; natural stupidity needs to be worked on, instead.
I learned how to count to one in a traffic jam------Daddy showed me. He said he couldn't count any higher at the time.
When you learn a little, you feel you know a lot, but when
you learn a lot, you realize you know very little. The more I know, the more I know I know less.
My mother-in-law was rather difficult, very opinionated, and
disliked me. I tried to be respectful and polite every time I was around
her. One time her attitude and behavior toward me was just too
much. We were talking about books we were reading. She mentioned
she had read "The Exorcist", but didn't finish it. She said it
was so evil she threw it in the pond out in their back yard. She told me
certain characters reminded her of me. I kept quiet. A few days
later we had to go to visit her. On the way there I spied a
bookstore. I went in and bought another "The Exorcist" book and
put it in my purse. When we arrived, I mentioned I had to use the
bathroom which was located close to her bedroom. While she chatted with
my husband, I took my book out of my purse in the bathroom, ran some water over
it, sprinkled some sand on it from a planter she had in there, and put it in
the drawer of her night stand where she kept her reading material. I
think I'm going to hell.
Brenduhh and my daughter, Della, came over for some iced tea. During the course of the sipping and chatting, Brenduhh kept looking at Della. She asked her, "Della, did you cut your hair?" Della, without missing a beat replied, "No, I washed it and it shrank." Brenduhh looked at her with a very surprised expression and said, “Really!?”
Some of you have noticed I sometimes use a “?” and an “!” together. This English punctuation is legal. It is called “an interrobang”. There are terms for things which you may not realize. Here are some which will be good to throw into a conversation should it wane: the rumbling of your stomach is called “wamble”; the way the air smells after it rains is “petrichor”; the day after tomorrow is “overmarrow”; your little toe or finger is a “minimus”; the difficulty of having to get out of bed (especially on Monday morning) is called “dysinia”; the language most children understand but fathers/men do not is called “Mommese” (I fluently speak it and sarcasm).
When school was in session, I had an angry mother tell me, “I’m going to have your job!!” Her child was one of the worst behaved I had, by the way. Well, home schooling for everyone came into the picture in March. I made a phone call to her and said, “So, how do you like my job, and how’s it going?” I laughed and even went for the snort.
Shopping is an adventure down memory lane, anymore. I was going merrily on my way in an aisle. Another customer said to me, “You’re going the wrong way. Didn’t you see the arrows?” I said, “Criminies, I didn’t even see the Indians, Hoppy, Gene, Roy, the Lone Ranger, or Tonto.
“MOM! What’s for supper!” called out the famished teen. “We’re having ‘surprising train wreck’,”
I called back. Supper was served at the usual time. He sat down, surveyed the selections and grumbled,
“This is nothing but leftovers. It’s not anything new.” “Yes it is leftovers; it’s left over leftovers which
is surprising to me considering you’re an eating machine. So, it’s ‘Left over leftovers, surprise!’
Mangiare,” said in perfect Italian!!”
Until next month, smiles and blessings to you. Trudy
