2015 DECEMBER

                                   2015 DECEMBER From My Perspective

Brenduhh came over with some news.  “Trudy, there’s been an owl at my window for the past week hooting.

I've been told that owls are supposed to mean they’re warning you about something.”  Well, don’t hoot back; you might start something.  Is it a horned owl?”I asked trying not to laugh.  “I don’t know, but it might be.  Why?” she glibly asked.  “If it’s a horned owl and there every night, maybe he’s trying to tell you he’s horny.  You know the old saying, ‘Birds of a feather flock together.’  Just be careful about with whom you flock.”  You should have seen the puzzled face and heard the mental wheels turning in her head.

QUIDNUNC-----an inquisitive and gossipy person; so is YENTA, NOSY PARKER, BUTTINSKY.

Brenduhh came over wearing a smug grin.  “Trudy, I have to tell you about my husband.  He was mentioning, ‘You don’t make biscuits like my mother used to do.  You don’t iron my shirts like my mother used to do.  You don’t fold my underclothes like my mother did.  You don’t make cream pie like my mother used to do.’  I thought about all he’d said, looked him in the eye and said, ‘Here’s a little reminder of your mother.’  Then, I smacked him on the face……like she used to do.”

There have been times I’ve had so much to pray about and so often to pray about it, that my knees look like lasagna.  Clap your hands if you can identify.

 There were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an 'A' so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party.  They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying; they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Florida State until early Monday morning.   Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it.  They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final.  The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day.  The guys were excited and relieved.  They studied that night for the exam.  The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points.  Cool, they thought!  Each one, in a separate room, thought this was going to be easy ... then they turned the page.  On the second page was written...“For 95 points:  Which tire? _________”

 This sounds so much like what my beloved did in an advanced geography class he taught.  This one of many times he assigned a written report on something geographical.  Since it was to be done over the Spring break, the kids had a lot of time to do it.  Upon returning to school, he asked for each student's report.  All were turned-in except for one. The student told him in front of the class, "You won't find mine because I was on the beach in Florida and a wave came, ripped it out of my hand, and took it out to sea," she said with a smirk.  Guy smiled and said, "Oh that must have been awful.  Here is what I'm going to do, when you return to that beach in Florida, you'll find your grade written in the sand."

Sometimes there just is not an English word to describe something.  That is why some turn to another language which does it so well.  Here is a German word:  Kummerspeck---excess weight gained from emotional overeating.  Literally, “grief bacon”.

 “Kummer” means grief; “Speck” mean fat.

I am so glad English was my first language.  I can only sympathize with those who have another language as their first and have to learn English.  Of course, there are those who have English as their first language and have difficulty with it.  Here are examples:  COUGH, THROUGH, ROUGH, THOUGH.  None of these words rhyme, but for some weird reason PONY and BOLOGNA do.  I have a daughter who spells phonetically.  PARMESEAN cheese was crossed out 5 times on the grocery list and “STINK CHEESE IN THE GREEN SHAKER THINGY” was written. 

Just realized that I am OCD about eating Reese's pieces....will get a handful and then make sure that I have an even amount of each color before I start eating them.  I’m OCD about M & Ms, too.  I have to have all the “M”s going the same direction or I throw out the “W”s.  And, when my daughter put the PRINGLES she wasn’t going to eat back in the can, she put them up-side down.  I took them out of the can and put them back in the way they should stack.  She said, “Gods, Mom, you have a problem.”  I told her, “Don’t even get me started with a can of pork and beans.”

During a very difficult time this year, I heard many platitudes of advice.  “God never gives you more than He knows you can handle.”  That’s true, but I’m starting to think He has overconfidence in me.  “When a door closes, a window opens.”  Well, what if you are starting to think you live in a cave?  “This too shall pass.”  That’s right, but so does abdominal gas.

A small grandson got lost at the shopping mall.  He approached a uniformed security guard and said, I’ve lost my grandpa!”  The guard asked, “What’s his name?”  “Grandpa,” replied the little fella.  The guard smiled, then asked, “What’s he like?”  The little fella hesitated for a moment and then replied, “Crown Royal whiskey and women with big boobs.”

This is a segue to a true story about my nephew and mother.  My nephew called each of his grandmothers, "Grammie", when he was little.  My mother always had a candy called WHOPPERS on the kitchen counter for him.  One time he got lost in a store and was asked who brought him to the store.  He replied, "Grammie with the whoppers."  Over the intercom came this hesitated, chuckling announcement, "Would Grammie with the whoppers please come get Matt at the check out counter?"  When Mother arrived, the store manager could hardly look her in the eye, let alone talk.

I have a friend who is potty training her 3 year old.  Every day she posts on a social media how many times he’s been successful.  Here is what she said, “Day 3 and Larry has already used the potty! ‘So proud of him...he's really getting the hang of it!”  Here is what I said to her, “How about your husband, has he used the potty and aimed dead-on?? If so, I know you're so proud that he's getting the hang of it.  If he isn’t, maybe you need to post that, too, so it will help him.  LOL”

Wanted: a place to put my head when I'm tired or you're sad. My long hair will help you get calm as you caress it (oh man I really love that). I have brown eyes which are always looking for you and a soul which is thrilled when you walk through the door or greet me outside. I'll keep you warm at night snuggled next to you. I don't eat much and prefer to eat at home with you. Strangers will be welcomed, but watched carefully that they mean no harm. If you have children, oh gods, what a joy they'll be to me. I can keep them entertained for hours while you "do your thing". I'm loyal to a fault, and in my mind, there's nobody like you to me. Treat me the way you'd like to be treated and I'll follow you anywhere; treat me harshly and I'll find something to honk you off, often.  Give me a call. My name is Sparkles.

You know, some gifts you receive throughout your life are not held in your hand; they are held in your heart, mind, and mind’s ears.  “I love you” is at the top of the list of a gift I’ve received from my loved ones and dear friends…even some former students.  “Mom, you’re the best”, said at various times and a few times 13 minutes after I’d been told “You’ve ruined my life!”  “You’re the ONE friend who will listen, understand, and not judge me.  I trust you.”; Their cool, wrinkled, spotted hands slipped into mine when I’d come “home” as I’d sit next to them, and the old grey sweater would be on the back of the settee waiting for me to put it on.  “Tea’s ready, Trutle Bootle,” said Mother; “Toots, you make me laugh all the time,” crooned my Beloved as we had verbally jousted about present or past events.  “I want some ‘fart fellows’ and punkin’ pie,”; “Wow!!!  Blueberry cake, again.”  “Why do you say you love me from the bottom of your heart when it comes from your brain?”  “Gummy” earlobes to nibble; “French fries” to tickle; “vanilla pudding” to gently poke and squeeze; “I’ll love you forever” hugs; “I’m here, Mommee, it’s going to be o.k.”  These are some of the treasures of my mind, heart, and ears.  I know you have many, too.

Writing is thinking on paper. -William Zinsser, writer and editor (7 Oct 1922-2015)

My friend, Tricia, has 3 sons.  One of them called her to tell her she’d forgotten to pick him up after school.  “When you hear the little voice on the other end of the phone...and yeah...he knows you forgot to pick him up.  I could hear the ‘eye rolling’ in his voice,” Tricia said on a social media.  Some of the replies were:  “At least you left him somewhere good for him.”; “It happened to all of us . . . . my little guy was in pre-freakin' school! I'm surprised he EVER forgave me . .  although . . . he does still bring it up! BTW, he's a married adult man now.” and in reply to that statement, “Wasn’t that just last week he was ‘in pre-freakin’ school’?”  “Hey...part of being a parent is being real....you are teaching your children grace by giving them a chance to see that you are not perfect and they get to forgive you.......say you are sorry, bake them cookies, count your blessings that nothing really bad happened and move on......cheers to you and your wonderful family.”  “What chapter is ‘forgetting to pick up a child and how to resolve the wounded’ in the study guide for being a parent? I'm glad he had telephone service and all was fine.”

I’m sure some of you can identify with this.  I can.

Piglet asked, “How do you spell ‘love’, Pooh?  Pooh answered, “You don’t spell it, you feel it.”  :)

If you want to know the difference between a master and a beginner, remember-----the master has failed more times than the beginner has ever tried.

In my 70 years of life I have noticed that so much of society has become so fake that the truth actually bothers some people.  This is a segue to a saying I like a lot----“Truth is hate to those who hate the truth.”

May your Christmas or Winter celebration be filled with smiles, love, laughter, and great memories for now and many years after.  Merry Christmas to you from, Trudy :)

2015 November

            2015 NOVEMBER “FMP”

Just think, if we charged our cell phones by running on a treadmill, we’d be about the healthiest country in North America.

I saw some t-shirts the other day.  The sayings were share-worthy.  Here they are:  “Silently correcting your grammar.”  (My former students would love this one and pitch in $$ to buy it for me.); “Someone out there cares; not me, but someone.”; “Rhinos are just chubby unicorns.”;  “Ts’I mahnu uterna ot twan ot geifur hingts uto” (I had trouble typing this one.  English teachers are always aware of misspellings.); “Never trust an atom; they make up everything”; “Manure Occureth”; “Romaine Calm and Carrot On”; “The Past, The Present, and the Future walked into a bar.  IT WAS TENSE”; “DANCES WITH SQUIRRELS” (The visual is just too much!!); “Back off!!  I have a wand and I’ll bibbity-bobbity-boo your butt in a heartbeat!”

I started a new reducing weight eating program the other day.  While listening to ‘50s and 60s songs, SUGAR SHACK came on.  Well, there went the program!!

I remember when I was first introduced to geometry.  I was standing in the corner because I’d stuck my tongue out at Mother.

I just found some new words!!! cubicuboctahedron, Icosidodecahedron, Rhombic triacontahedron.  They’re in math.

Algebra is combining letters and numbers and one is expected to come up with an answer.  Only the devil would decide this is necessary.

Did you ever think that if common sense was lard, not many would be able to grease the pan?

While talking with my friend, Dianna, her husband, Dave, walked in and joined us.  She was telling me of someone she knew who has a male friend who experiences moments of anger and says things he shouldn’t.  He had yelled at Dianna.  I asked, Dave, “If you had been there, what would you have done?”  Knowing he has a strong protective side he said, “I would have told him, ‘Yell at her again and watch what happens.  The lights on the ambulance will either be on or off.’”   I couldn’t quit laughing because Dave is so quiet and peaceful. 

I went to the doctor the other day.  The nosy nurse just had to weigh me.  I told her to write on the report, “100 pounds.”  The doctor came in read the report and said, “Trudy!  You do not weight 100 pounds.”  I told him, “Yes I do.”  He said, “Oh really.  Explain it to me.”  I said, “Yes, I do weight 100 pounds……I just didn’t let her tell you the other numbers.”

I’ve been seeing “Theiyr’re” on Facebook followed by, “Take that, grammar police!”  Obviously, it’s a Southern drawl thing.

I just love this play on words.  “Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet.  He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.  This made him-----------a super-calloused, fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis.  (You groaned, I know.)

Did you know that neutering your male dogs and cats makes them less nuts? 

When my 3 children were growing up, I invested $5 in a set of strong wooden spoons.  When they’d throw their tempers around at me, I’d get one of my investments and show them how strong the molecular structure of the wood was.   I’d test the strength of the spoon on their butt 2 times and ask them if they needed me to demonstrate the strength of the wood, again.  A tree’s sacrifice was responsible for my children becoming responsible for their actions.  Thank you, tree.

I find tongue twisters to be lingual calisthenics.  Here is one for you:  AN INTUIT INUIT INDICATED

‘Interesting word that JABBERWOCKY used by Lewis Carroll in his famous “Alice Through the Looking Glass”, also known as “Alice In Wonderland.”  It means:  meaningless speech or writing.  There are so many hidden meanings to his writing of this story.  It is thought that he was mentally altered by drug use when he wrote it.

A male plain-clothes detective was surveying a crime scene.  There were a lot of females who were suspects.  One in particular started flirting with him.  His colleague said, “I think she likes you.”  He scoffed, “It’s the uniform.  It gets them every time.”  

I subscribe to a website, DAILY WRITING TIPS, which features grammar, words, and discussion(s) of the English language.  This was recently featured----

      10 “M” WORDS CONFUSED IN ENGLISH 

“1. manner / manor Manner is a way of doing or behaving. Ex. “The waiter has a pleasant and helpful manner.” A manor is a house on an estate. Ex. “Cardinal Thomas Wolsey acquired the 14th Century manor at Hampton Court in 1514.” Until King Henry VIII took it away from him, Wolsey was “lord of the manor.”  Ebook authors and celebrity-watchers seem to be especially prone to write the erroneous “lord of the manner.”   2. mantle / mantel A mantle is a cloak. The prophet Elijah designated Elisha as his successor by throwing his mantle over him. A mantel is the ornamental shelf above a fireplace on which people display trophies and knick-knacks.  3. marshal / Marshall In modern English, a marshal is an officer of the U.S. Justice Department or a parade leader. In Old English, a marshal was a servant whose job was to tend the horses. The occupation of marshal is reflected in the surname Marshall, but the double-l spelling is only for the proper name.  Marshal also functions as a verb meaning “to arrange or set things in methodical order.” For example, “I’m glad that I wrote my book, because it made me marshal my thoughts.”  4. martial / marital The error here is one of transposed letters. Martial is pronounced like marshal and means warlike. Marital is pronounced with three syllables, MARE-ih-tul, and means “relating to marriage.” The error, when it occurs, is always good for a laugh. Ex. “New York law also has what is known as constructive abandonment which means one spouse refuses to have martial relations for one or more years.”—Divorce lawyer’s site.  5. meter / metre Both words are nouns. A meter is a measuring device, like a gas meter. Metre is a metric unit or a type of rhythm in verse.  6. metal / mettle / meddle Metal is a hard, shiny, malleable material used in the manufacture of tools or artifacts. Mettle derives from the same source as metal and was once used in the same way, but now is used only figuratively to mean the quality of a creature’s disposition. A saucepan is made of metal. To really test their mettle, put presidential candidates in crisis.  Note: A mettlesome person or animal is full of spirit.  meddlesome individuals make themselves unpopular by interfering in affairs that do not concern them; they meddle. 7. militate / mitigate Militate is “to wage war.” Its current use is usually figurative, with the sense of “to weigh against.” Ex. “All the facts militate against this policy.” Mitigate is “to make something less severe.” Ex. “Homeowners can mitigate the loss of butterfly habitat by breaking up expanses of grass with forage plants.”            8. morbid / moribund Morbid means “in a diseased state.” Moribund means “in a dying state.” Both words derive from the Latin word for death and are used literally and figuratively.  9. mordant / trenchant Both words are applied to language and humor. Mordant comes from a French verb meaning “to bite” and means “bitingly sarcastic.” Trenchant comes from a French verb meaning “to cut.” A “mordant remark” hurts, whereas a “trenchant remark” enlightens.  10. mucous / mucus Mucus is a noun: “a viscous substance secreted by the mucous cells and glands of animals.” Mucous is an adjective: “of the nature of, resembling, or consisting of mucus.” A mucous gland excretes mucus.”

As you know, I am a retired English teacher.  This was your vocabulary lesson for the month.  You’re welcome!  

Recently I’ve been inundated with front door solicitors.  I got tired of it so I posted the picture of my dog, Abel, where anyone could see it.  I put this sign under the picture, “I will answer the door, if I’m Abel.”

Sign seen in a psychologist’s office:  “Normal” is just a setting on a washing machine.”  What a sense of humor!

Recently while driving I saw a truck with this sign on it:

“Scooper Heroes---We rescue you from the poo.”  I had no idea there was a business which made money off poo.

Here’s some food for thought:  If we didn’t have Monday’s everyone would just hate Tuesdays; Thursday would be “over the hump day” and what would we do about the camel??

I am proud to be “a grey-haired geezer”.  I’ve earned every strand of silver which crowns my head.  They don’t represent age; they represent hard work, caring about something and someone more than yourself, concern for others, sacrifice, and determination.  Together with the wrinkles on my face and the sagging of my skin, those strands of silver are not age, but mileage.  I’m not ashamed to say my age because there are so many who never made it to those milestones.  I have wisdom which came from experience and the school of hard knocks, and I will share it with those young whipper-snappers whether they like it or not.  Why?  It’s because, I’ve been your age, but you’ve never been mine.

Dear young mothers, NEVER, I mean NEVER, make eye-contact with a child on the verge of falling asleep.  They will sense your delight and abort the mission immediately!!  It is the season you need all the sanity you can muster.

Well, that’s it for this month.  Smiles, blessings and hot coffee to you.  Trudy

Apple Pickin' Time

Every year in September we take the children to the local orchard to pick apples. It's always a treat and very rewarding to the family unit. It's interesting to walk the rows and rows of trees, inspecting each one for the most delicious of apples. It's also a careful adventure, because not only are humans out there trying to "grab the best", flying insects known as BEES are there, too. Talk about dodging and weaving, it is at its best. This one particular bee just wouldn't leave us alone. Everywhere we walked, it was there too. We'd go to a different tree, there it would show up. We'd go to different rows. Hello! There it was. Now, I know you're going to mention that they all look alike. I know that, BUT when you watch a particular one to the point that you walk backwards so you don't miss it, you get a bit annoyed and suspicious. Tara started to become very uneasy with this "bee stalking". She'd watch it carefully and walk slowly down the rows. She stopped one time, put her hands on her hips and said very firmly, "You better leave me alone; I'm a lot bigger than you and I have big feet." I asked her who she was talking to. She replied, "Oh that stupid bee. I'm serious here, Grandma. I just might do something to cause it a lot of pain!" The decision to end this reign of terror was made. I told Tara to stand very still, which at this time was a bit difficult since the bee was getting "up close and personal". I reached up, picked an apple, took a big bite out of it, and put it on the ground. We waited until the bee landed on the apple. I carefully walked up to the apple, raised my foot and stomped. Sure enough, I smashed the bee AND the apple. Tara looked amazed, took my hand and said, "Great going, Grandma. You now have bee guts applesauce!" Oh, that was nice to know since we had about 50 pounds of apples among the 3 of us, and I had plans to make applesauce with most of them; apple crisp and apple breads were, also, on the list.
After a few hours of picking, dodging and weaving, and feeding the fish at the pond with the kids falling in trying to retrieve 3 pieces of pellet food, we went home discussing what we'd do with the apples. Well, y'all know what my plans were, but the kids had others. We were greeted at the door by our very happy-to-see-us, exuberant greyhound. One of the kids brought in their bag of apples and showed them to her. It was bowling for apples in the family room!!! The dog thought it was time to play "Roll and Bite" with the apples, and the kids were laughing too hard to put them back into the bag and bring them to the kitchen. I went in and started to retrieve them. Don't bend over to pick up apples in front of a crazy, exuberant greyhound. They immediately think you?re there to play "Poke ya in the buns"----it's a greyhound thing, folks. I was picking up as fast as I could---kids were weak laughing at the scene and no help----when she ran full-speed at my rear end, sending me sprawling full-eagle on top of the apples. I'm a big gal, old, and don't get up from a prone position on the floor quickly. Just when I thought I had my balance, an apple would roll and down I'd go again. Why is it this slap-stick is so funny to everyone but the fallen one? The dog continued to play "Poke ya in the buns" until I tossed an apple into the other room and she ran after it. Finally, I was able to get up. The kids said, "Grandma, that was the best show EVER!!!" 'Nothing like entertaining the children at my expense. One of them asked, "When are we going pumpkin pickin?" That is so much fun, too.? After the bee stalking, I know what lay ahead with the pumpkin picking. Sometimes there are snakes in the field. That's another story, folks.
APPLE LOAF
Makes 2 Loaves
4 cups diced, peeled apples
2 LARGE EGGS
2 cups plus 2 tsp. sugar
1 tsp. vanilla
2 sticks (1cup) butter
3 cups all-purpose flour
2 tsp. baking soda
2 tsp. ground cinnamon
1. Mix apples and 2 cups sugar in a large bowl. Leave at room temperature 2 hours, stirring occasionally.
2. Heat over to 325 F. Grease two loaf pans...8 1/2 x 4 1/2 in.
3. Melt butter; let cool
4. Mix flour, baking soda and cinnamon; stir into apples. Stir in butter, eggs and vanilla. Pour half into each pan; sprinkle each with 1 tsp. sugar.
5. Bake 1 1/4 to 1 1/2 hours or until a wooden pick inserted in centers of loaves comes out clean. Cool in pans on a wire rack 10 minutes before removing cakes to racks to cool completely.
6. Refrigerate until ready to serve. Then keep refrigerated.

2015 OCTOBER From My Perspective

       OCTOBER 2015 From My Perspective

This joke was sent to me by a friend.  “A 7-year old and a 4-year old were upstairs in their bedroom.  “You know what?” says the 7-year old.  “I think it’s about time we start swearing.”  The 4-year old nods his head in approval.  “When we go downstairs for breakfast, I’m gonna say hell, and you say ass. OK?”  The 4 year old agrees with glee.  The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 70year old what he wants for breakfast.  “Aw, hell Mom, I guess I’ll have some Cherrios.”  WHACK!!!  He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the floor, got up and ran upstairs crying.  The mother looked at the 4-year old and asked with a stern voice, “And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?”  “I don’t know,” he blubbers, “but you can bet your ass it won’t be Cherrios.”  This is a segue to a personal happening along the same lines as the joke:  I remember the time, 1959, I was in the dining room and Mother was entertaining her bridge club of ladies in the living room. I had a girlfriend with me and I expressed my irritation at my boyfriend cancelling our date for that night. "It really pisses me off," I grumbled to her. The ladies stopped talking, and I heard Mother say, "Excuse me for a minute." She appeared in the dining room, grabbed my long ponytail and "encouraged" me to join her in the basement. "If you EVER say something like that again, you'll wish you had not," she said through her clenched teeth looking like a crazed rodent. Then she yanked my hair growling, "Do you understand?" To this day the word "piss" or any form of it seldom falls from my lips. I can still see Mother's face.

19 year old decided {yep! She had a choice} to act very nasty.  I told her she was being an ass.  She told me not to say that word.  I told her, “It describes your behavior which you’ve chosen.”  I told her, when she told me again to not say that word, “I’ve only just begun, Kiddo.”  “It’s your job/responsibility to make me happy,” she screamed.  I laughed all the way out the door, into the car and as I drove away.  I left to save her life!

By the age of six the average child will have completed the basic American education. ... From television, the child will have learned how to pick a lock, commit a fairly elaborate bank holdup, prevent wetness all day long, get the laundry twice as white, and kill people with a variety of sophisticated armaments. -Russell Baker, columnist and author (b. 14 Aug 1925)

Some PUNS I found:  Stealing someone’s coffee is called mugging.  The other day I held the door open for a clown; it was a nice jester.  Pasteurize:  too far to see.  No matter how much you push the envelope, it’ll still be stationery.  The ENERGIZER bunny was arrested and charged with battery.  I put my Grandma on speed dial; I call that instagram.  I’m reading a book about anti-gravity; I can’t put it down.  I’m glad I know Sign Language; it’s pretty handy.  Prisoners use cell phones to call each other. 

I have some questions:  Why are there 5 syllables in “monosyllabic”?  Why is abbreviation so long?  Why do some people get upset at a lot of papers scattered on the floor, but think confetti is so much fun?  Why do some kids have a wonderful time running through a cold water sprinkler, but fuss with you when you tell them to take a warm shower…and use soap?

A “BUTT” was a Medieval unit of measurement for wine.  Technically, a butt load of wine is about 475 liters or 126 gallons.  You’re welcome!!!

My girlfriend came over for a chat.  She seemed a bit irritated at her teen aged son.  I asked her what the problem was.  She said, “Oh, Mike’s out spreading some ‘wild oats’.”   Trying to help her feel a little better I said, “You know that’s typical late-teen boy.” “Oh I know, and I’m hoping for crop failure,” she mused.

 “Anyone can give up; it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.”  Unknown

My daughter-in-law, one of my gifts from God, told of this sign she found.  I’d like to share it with you.

“People wonder why I give so many compliments to strangers.  I’m not being fake, and I’m not looking for people to like me.  But, if I pass someone and I like something, I say it.  ‘Love those shoes!’ or “Great hair style.’ Why?  Because life is hard and this world can be a really tough place and people are mean.  You never know how much those few words mean to someone, you never know what hell they may be going through; and when you put positivity out there into the universe, YOU yourself become a happier person.  It’s hard to be nice and be miserable yourself.  It’ll reflect from the outside in.  I’m telling you random compliment giving will change your life, and maybe someone else’s, too.”

What is a ghost gust?  It’s a sudden rush of air by a spirit.

I enjoy watching gals eat whatever they like and "pig-out" on all the fattening stuff.  It doesn’t really bother me; I know it will eventually get them in the end.

Did you ever wonder why it was so peaceful in Mayberry with Andy, Opie, and Barnie.  Well, no one was married.  Those who were single were:  Andy, Opie, Barney, Aunt Bea, Floyd, Howard, Goober, Gomer, Sam, Earnest T. Bass, the Darlin family, Helen, Thelma Lou, and Clara.  In fact, the only one married was Otis, and he stayed drunk.

I was taking a shower and saw a spider in there with me.  It got sprayed with water.  I’m not sure if it went down the drain or willingly leaped to its death after seeing me naked.  Either way, it’s gone.

People need to try to understand that my patience with them is not really one of my virtues.  I’m trying to stay calm so I don’t hurt them.

When Brenduhh came over, she told me of one of the things she remembered about her childhood.  “Trudy, I always thought my name was ‘No, No, dimwit’ when I was a kid.  Then, I’d go to my grandma’s and she’d call me ‘Sweetheart.’”  I smiled and told her, “I knew ALL my names when I was growing up....every single one of them…all yelled together in a nano second.”

A friend of mine and I were talking about being insulted by another person’s statement(s).   My friend is very observant and has lived a long time.  She said, “When someone tries to insult me I think to myself, ‘Do I value that person’s opinion?’  If I know I don’t value their opinion, I don’t feel insulted.”

I had some of a little cherry pie I bought at the store yesterday. I kept eating it thinking/hoping it would get better. Alright!!! I ate 1/2 of it. I'll give the other 1/2 to my daughter. She's not real crazy about cherry pie...........maybe she'll give me her left-overs.

“Never tell people how to do things. Tell them what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.”

George S. Patton

Giant tarantulas keep tiny frogs as pets.  Insects will eat the burrowing tarantulas’ eggs-so the spiders protect the frogs from predators, and in return the frogs eat the insects.  Hmmm, interesting.

Don’t you find it rather irritating when someone accuses you of lollygagging when you are clearly dilly dallying?  Yeesh!

This is an observation which has been over a long time.  The youth and young adults of today seem to be emulating, adoring, and putting so much value on the sun-drenched celebrities.  There will be tough times seeing the value of those---thinkers, probers, and scientists---who are keeping society together.  Everyone has something positive to offer our society…..some do it quietly…. in the shadows.

← The Humuhumunukunukuapua'a is Hawaii's state fish. Its name is longer than the fish!  I think the short name for it would be a “Hummer”.

Did you know that these trademark names:   BAND-AID, BUBBLE WRAP, CHAP STICK, KLEENEX, and POPSICLE are all regular words, now?  No, you don’t have to capitalize them when you write them.  Whew…I know you’re relieved.  J

Brenduhh came over all proud and rejoicing.  “I was in a bar the other night, Trudy, and the bartender yelled, ‘Does anyone know CPR!?’  I called out, ‘I know the entire alphabet!’  Everyone clapped, but one person.”  “You’re so smart, Brenduhh,” I said as I poured more tea.

I have a friend who has an obsession about wearing all her shiny, metal necklaces at the same time.  She seldom takes any of them off.  With all that gold, she looks like she has on a Mr. T starter set!

Have you ever watched movement on FACEBOOK of something you could do, such as mopping, dusting, or sweeping and your hand was still on the “mouse”?  My cursor gets a workout!

My pastor asked this question, “Can a human stand his or her ground without attacking the other?”  My reply was, “They can if they have the vocabulary for it, or if they can be silent.  Silence is a formidable weapon; so are words which are truthful…and then there is the ‘Mom look’.”         PEACE……Trudy

2015 SEPTEMBER "From My Perspective"

2015 September “FROM MY PERSPECTIVE”

A mosquito landed on my teen’s face right after she sassed me……easiest decision of the week!

 

This passage is about envy.  You know that issue we all have once in a while when we forget to count our blessings.  “A note of caution: We can never achieve goals that envy sets for us. Looking at your friends and wishing you had what they had is a waste of precious energy. Because we are all unique, what makes another happy may do the opposite for you. That's why advice is nice but often disappointing when needed.”― Marcus Buckingham   

In a Supreme Court sentiment of opposition to a prevailing idea, Justice Scalia recently used the terms “pure applesauce” and “jiggery-pokery”.  Both of the terms are colloquial expressions meaning “deceitful or dishonest manipulation; hocus pocus, humbug.”  They are usually considered British in usage.   I’ve never heard “jiggery-pokery”, but I have heard “applesauce”.  When I was a teen, I told my mother a lie thinking I’d gotten away with it, she responded, “Trudy Jean, that is pure applesauce and you know it.”  It confused me because I knew there was a jar of that stuff in the refrigerator.  Years later when I became a mother I used that term, but it came after the announcement to a difficult child, “I’m the boss, applesauce!”   I heard the fridge door open.

Many of you know how much I like words…different ones are even better.  Here is one I came across.  CLINOMANIA (n) an excessive desire to stay in bed.  I’m sure some of you can identify.                                        

I always wanted to know what it was like to be wealthy and not worry about $$.  Well, at my age of 70 I’ve found out.  I have silver in my hair, gold in my teeth, crystals in my kidney, iron in my arteries, lead in my butt, and an inexhaustible supply of natural gas.  Such a deal!

Brenduhh showed up at the front door the other morning carrying a 100-piece puzzle in a box.  She was a bit irritated.  “What’s wrong, Brenduhh?  I see you have a puzzle with you.”  “Yes, I do.  I was hoping you’d help me with it.  The box says, ‘2-4 years’.  I don’t have that much time to work on this puzzle.  Could you help me, please?”  “How about some coffee or tea, sweetie?  We can put it together at the kitchen table,” I said.

Why are there no Wal-Marts in Iraq, Afghanistan and Iran?  There are too many "Targets".

Have you ever watched a dog chasing its tail, laughed, and thought they are easily amused?   Did you stop to think you were watching the dog chase its tail?  Hmmmm.                    

While walking through the cereal aisle at the grocery store, I noticed all the kids’ cereals where at eye level of a shopping cart.  The CHEERIOS, KIX, Shredded Wheat, ALL-BRAN, Raisin Bran, and SPECIAL K were not.  I guess CAPTAIN CRUNCH, the waskaly wabbit TRIX, COUNT CHOCULA, and FRUIT LOOPS got together and kicked them out to the top and very bottom shelves.   The RICE KRISPIES were next to the marshmallows, though, on a shelf all their own.   I guess the management couldn’t decide if they were for kids or grown-ups or both.

This is from one of my favorite comedians, George Carlin.   He was so observant and shared his observations.  “Remember to spend some time with your loved ones, because they are not going to be around forever.  Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe, because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side. Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't cost a cent.  Remember, to say, 'I love you' to your partner and your loved ones, but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when it comes from deep inside of you.  Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that person will not be there again.  Give time to love, give time to speak! And, give time to share the precious thoughts in your mind.  And always remember, life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by those moments that take our breath away.”  I would like to add:  give a smile to someone each day.  It may be the only one they get and it will be a treasure to them.

Last month I told you about my friends who are raising black and white hens for eggs.  They haven’t laid any eggs, yet, they told me.  I suggested they show the girls the cast iron skillet they use in the kitchen.  “Tell them what it is.  Tell them it may be their permanent home away from home.”  Someone mentioned getting a rooster.  They did and named him Stew.  He’s busy now.

In Sunday school class, we were discussing how the people wandered in the desert for 40 years.  I mentioned, “Of course they did.  None of the leaders asked a woman to take over and lead them to somewhere the masses would enjoy and be comfortable.  Men don’t use maps or ask for directions.  They just walk around aimlessly….sometimes for 40 years telling those complaining, ‘We’re taking the scenic route’.”  One man muttered, “Sounds like shopping with my wife.”  Class was over soon afterwards.

The crayon factory took a survey for some new colors.  Here are some of the entries/suggestions:  Suspicious cold sore red; court-ordered urine sample yellow; bulimia green; pregnancy test blue; moral ambiguity gray; topical ointment white.  I have some of my own.  Dull-dinge grayish-brown; muddy grass stain brownish-green; husband sick green;  once in a blue moon blue; embarrassed red; prayerful knees pink.

“Arriving late is a way of saying that your own time is more valuable than the time of the person who waited for you.”  I’ve known people who are late to just about every event they have been invited to.  It is most irritating especially when a meal is the main focus.  On this particular time, after a decent amount of time waiting, it was decided the meal would be engaged.  The individual arrived just as dessert was to be served.  One feeble excuse after another poured from their mouth.  Their meal was served to them, but it was at the temperature it had become as it sat in and on the serving dishes.  A look of, “I dare you to say a word” came from the hostess’ eyes.  The quote at the beginning of this account was written on a piece of paper, handed to the individual for them to read.   The lateness stopped, at least where these parties were concerned.

My friend Tricia has 3 boys ranging in ages 15 to 9.  She was on her way to work when she realized she’d forgotten an essential part of her working tools.  Here is her account or the return trip home, “’Was about 10 minutes away from home this morning when I realized I forgot my phone...ran back to find my middle (age 12) and little (age 9) eating cheese popcorn, goldfish and M&M's for breakfast. I looked at them and overheard, "This is why we should wait 15 minutes after she leaves for work!"  Kids and their wisdom always surprise us.

Some things I’ve thought about:  Why are there commercials for toilet paper?  Who’s not buying this product?; At my age, temptation is “To nap or not to nap”, but I don’t always have a choice.; Mr. Ford was my algebra teacher.  He said I will use it often, so study diligently.  Well, I’m 70 years old and I haven’t used it since I was 16 in his class.  He lied!!;  I was being mature until someone brought out the bubble wrap.; Sometimes having more than one vehicle can be a pain, like when you’re in a large parking lot and you forgot where you parked AND which vehicle you drove to get there.

A diamond is just a piece of coal which handled stress exceptionally well.  All righty then!!

“The greatness of a man is not in how much wealth he acquires, but in his integrity and his ability to affect those around him positively.”  ― Bob Marley

Printed t-shirts for turtles----“Faster than something slower.”

Smiles and blessings------Trudy

2015 August

2015 August “FROM MY PERSPECTIVE”

I belong to FACEBOOK, a social media of comedy and drama.  There is so much to be read and said a lot of time, and then there is the comedy which makes me laugh out loud and appreciate others’ senses of humor.  One day a friend posted this picture.  I couldn't resist this reply:

“I rode one of these and did a nose-dive over the head onto the floor.  I was so embarrassed.  You should have seen the faces of the other Walmart shoppers.”

A friend of mine, a Marine vet and biker, was feeling a bit low one day.  He posted a pre-printed sign on Facebook, “I’ve always been afraid of losing people I love.  Sometimes I wonder, is there anyone out there afraid to lose me?”  I told him, “You've made an impact on many lives. You've been a rebel, but one with a heart of gold and purpose. You've stood your ground when others around you were giving theirs away. You are cared about by many and will be remembered by many more.

A tree growing demonstrates patience.  Grass growing is persistence.

“Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident, and riches take wings. Only one thing endures---that is character. ” Horace Greeley

Brenduhh’s wisdom and knowledge just floors me at times…..well, most of the time.  O.K.!! ALL the time.  She came over the other day all excited about some amazing news.  “Trudy, divers just found more of the Titanic!!  They got to the deck where the pool is located and found it was still full of water.  Isn’t that amazing?”  I told her, “Yes it is and in more ways than one, deary.”

"‘Have faith’, The Giver told me. He compared it to the wind…Something felt but not seen." - ‪#‎The Giver

How many comedians make you laugh real hard?  There are some who make my face hurt because I laugh so hard and can’t stop.  Did you know that most comedians find humor to cover their sadness or depression?  Comedy sometimes comes from a dark place in that person making others laugh.  When they can make another laugh, their sadness leaves for a moment.  A smile or laugh can do wonders for your psyche.

Recently I’ve been getting a lot of SPAM in my e-mail account.  It is mostly from doors and window replacement.  The first one was for burial expenses.  Under it was for window replacement with the catch phrase of, “A window can bring light into your darkest place.”  Holy cow, I can now have a window installed in my grave!!

This is a public service announcement!!! Do NOT go to the bakery when you are lonely. Too many products will go home with you because they are lonely too. Then they'll want to hang out with you in your stomach and around your hips. I speak from experience.  You’re welcome.

Do you remember last month when I presented a new word in my column/newsletter?  Here it is again: Cryptozoology:  the study of unknown, legendary, or extinct animals whose existence or survival to the present day is disputed or unsubstantiated.  Well, I thought of another animal whose existence or survival to the present day is disputed or unsubstantiated.  That would be the teenager who will clean their room without being told/hounded/threatened.  The teenager who realizes money does NOT grow on trees.  The teenager who is aware that the world does not revolve around their existence.  I’m sure some of you can identify.

I went to visit some friends who have taken the hobby of raising chickens.  They are the pretty ones of black and speckled white feathers.  They are good egg producers.  In our conversation about them, I asked if they’d named them, yet.  They said they hadn’t, but were thinking about it.  I cautioned them NOT to name them.  “Just think, you go to have dinner and there sits Florence in the middle of the table fried a golden brown and seasoned to perfection.”  They laughed and said they’d just refer to them as “The Girls”.

While strolling through the grocery store with a friend who had her 4 year old in the cart, we came upon some mismanaged carts driven by others.  My friend patiently waited, swerved, and redirected her cart.  At one intersection her toddler announced to another driver, “Would you get going, speed up, or move over, you poop head?  I want through here.”  My friend about collapsed.  I asked her, “Do you think he’s already experiencing road rage?”

You can tell how big a person is by the size of what discourages them.

In 1966 PAMPERS were invented and put on the market.  Later, those babies who used PAMPERS will find another product to wear, but that depends if they have poise and are discreet.

It’s those who think they know it all who don’t know much.

I saw this sign the other day.  I think it could apply to teenagers from their parents or spouses to spouses. “Don’t worry about what I’m doing.  Worry about why you’re worried about what I’m not doing.”

DID YOU KNOW DEPARTMENT:  Men can read small print better than women, but women can hear better. (Do your superior dance, girls!)  The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven is $16,400.  Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.  Each king on a deck of playing cards represents a great king in history.  Spades - King David; Hearts - Charlemagne; Clubs -Alexander, the Great; Diamonds - Julius Caesar

“It is easy to hate and it is difficult to love.  This is how the whole scheme of things works.  All good things are difficult to achieve, and bad things are very easy to get.”  Confucius  

Have you ever noticed some people are looking for divine guidance in the 10 Commandments, while there are others who are looking for loopholes and/or the ten suggestions?

Children have little fear because good parents have so much of it for them.  I think of a time when my 41 year old son was about 4.  We were swimming at an indoor pool and he’d decided to go to the deep end to jump off the diving board.  He couldn’t swim!  I had my back turned and was at the other end of the pool.  I turned around and saw him on the end of the diving board, started to run to him as I yelled, “No, No!!!”  I guess he thought I’d said, “Go, Go!” and jumped in.  From the edge of the pool, I dived in, shot under him, grabbed his silky, blond hair, and lifted him up to the surface like a mother whale would her baby.  We got to the other side safely.  I put him on the observation bleachers and told him he had to stay there for X amount of time.  After my primal scream into a fat towel, I told him why he should NEVER do that again until he knew how to swim.  I think the fear of 3 mothers enveloped me.  That was 37 years ago, and I still remember it like it just happened.

Some people wonder why a man would want a wife.  Wanting more than one wife is a bigamystery to me.

I think the 10 Commandments are really good guidelines.  It’s amazing to me how each one of them applies to various people I know.

I saw a post the other day.  It made me laugh, so I wanted to share it with you.  It emphasizes the importance of correct spelling.  “I hate spelling errors.  You mix up two letters and your whole post is urined.”

Brenduhh came over with a traffic ticket in her hand.  She said, “Look here, Trudy.  I got a traffic ticket for a DUI, and I don’t know why.”  I asked, “What did you have to drink?”  She said, “Just some orange juice and vodka.”  I rolled my eyes and mentioned, “Well, vodka is an alcoholic beverage, sweetie.  It is made from fermented grains such as sorghum, corn, rice, rye or wheat, though you can also use potatoes, fruits.”  “So, I got my grains, fruits, or potatoes in liquid form. Potatoes have potassium in them which helps to stabilize the electrolytes when I’m exercising and sweating, and the orange juice gives me vitamin C.  I’ll tell the officer I only had some potatoes, corn, and fruit.......in liquid form with some orange juice for vitamin C.,” she whined.  “Oh that’s real good thinking, Brenduhh.  Maybe he'll be a vegetarian and let you off with a warning by saying, ‘call me the next time you drink some potatoes,”" said I rolling my eyes at her wisdom.

When I was growing up, there was not any "Oh, she's/he’s a kid." Nope, what was mentioned/promised was, "Do that again and I'll knock you into next week." A sack lunch was NOT even mentioned, either.

School will be starting soon…..August 14 for my teen.  Why it was decided to start school on a FRIDAY is beyond my understanding.  It’s like getting into the car for a vacation, driving to the end of the driveway, then back to the garage.

If you have ever had an anxiety attack, you know it seems that every concern you have has just stepped-up to the plate to strike you out.  A friend sent this to me.  I hope it helps you, too.

*Look around you.  *Find 5 things you can see, 4 things you can touch, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste.  *This is called grounding.  It can help when you feel like you have lost all control of your surroundings.”

Why is it we never hear father-in-law jokes?  .  Why is it when kids are on vacation they’re up at the crack of dawn, but on school mornings you have to drag them out of bed?  Coumadin/Warfarin is a prescribed drug and costs a lot of money, but aspirin does the same thing and is so inexpensive?  Why is it the political figure you believed-in turned out to be dishonest and is going to prison? How frustrating it is that you can’t get the bumper sticker off your bumper showing your support.

On a final note for this month:  “Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be.”

Always, Trudy :)