2015 DECEMBER From My Perspective
Brenduhh came over
with some news. “Trudy, there’s been an
owl at my window for the past week hooting.
I've
been told that owls are supposed to mean they’re warning you about
something.” Well, don’t hoot back; you
might start something. Is it a horned
owl?”I
asked trying not to laugh. “I don’t
know, but it might be. Why?” she glibly
asked. “If it’s a horned owl and there
every night, maybe he’s trying to tell you he’s horny. You know the old saying, ‘Birds of a feather
flock together.’ Just be careful about
with whom you flock.” You should have
seen the puzzled face and heard the mental wheels turning in her head.
QUIDNUNC-----an inquisitive
and gossipy person; so is YENTA, NOSY PARKER, BUTTINSKY.
Brenduhh
came over wearing a smug grin. “Trudy, I
have to tell you about my husband. He
was mentioning, ‘You don’t make biscuits like my mother used to do. You don’t iron my shirts like my mother used
to do. You don’t fold my underclothes
like my mother did. You don’t make cream
pie like my mother used to do.’ I
thought about all he’d said, looked him in the eye and said, ‘Here’s a little
reminder of your mother.’ Then, I
smacked him on the face……like she used to do.”
There
have been times I’ve had so much to pray about and so often to pray about it,
that my knees look like lasagna. Clap
your hands if you can identify.
There were four sophomores
taking chemistry and all of them had an 'A' so far. These four friends were so
confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends
and have a big party. They had a great
time but, after all the hearty partying; they slept all day Sunday and didn't
make it back to Florida
State until early Monday
morning. Rather than taking the final
then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor
why they missed it. They said that they visited friends but on the way
back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final. The
professor agreed they could make up the final the next day. The guys were
excited and relieved. They studied that night for the exam. The next day the Professor placed them in
separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first
problem worth 5 points. Cool, they thought! Each one, in a separate
room, thought this was going to be easy ... then they turned the page. On the second page was written...“For 95
points: Which tire? _________”
This
sounds so much like what my beloved did in an advanced geography class he
taught. This one of many times he assigned a written
report on something geographical. Since it was to be done over the Spring
break, the kids had a lot of time to do it. Upon returning to school, he
asked for each student's report. All were turned-in except for one. The
student told him in front of the class, "You won't find mine because I was
on the beach in Florida
and a wave came, ripped it out of my hand, and took it out to sea," she
said with a smirk. Guy smiled and said, "Oh that must have been
awful. Here is what I'm going to do, when you return to that beach in Florida, you'll find
your grade written in the sand."
Sometimes there
just is not an English word to describe something. That is why some turn to another language
which does it so well. Here is a German
word: Kummerspeck---excess weight gained from emotional overeating. Literally, “grief bacon”.
“Kummer” means grief; “Speck” mean fat.
I
am so glad English was my first language.
I can only sympathize with those who have another language as their
first and have to learn English. Of
course, there are those who have English as their first language and have
difficulty with it. Here are
examples: COUGH, THROUGH, ROUGH,
THOUGH. None of these words rhyme, but
for some weird reason PONY and BOLOGNA
do. I have a daughter who spells
phonetically. PARMESEAN cheese was
crossed out 5 times on the grocery list and “STINK CHEESE IN THE GREEN SHAKER
THINGY” was written.
Just realized that
I am OCD about eating Reese's pieces....will get a handful and then make sure
that I have an even amount of each color before I start eating them. I’m OCD about M & Ms, too. I have to have all the “M”s going the same
direction or I throw out the “W”s. And,
when my daughter put the PRINGLES she wasn’t going to eat back in the can, she
put them up-side down. I took them out
of the can and put them back in the way they should stack. She said, “Gods, Mom, you have a
problem.” I told her, “Don’t even get me
started with a can of pork and beans.”
During a very
difficult time this year, I heard many platitudes of advice. “God never gives you more than He knows you
can handle.” That’s true, but I’m
starting to think He has overconfidence in me.
“When a door closes, a window opens.”
Well, what if you are starting to think you live in a cave? “This too shall pass.” That’s right, but so does abdominal gas.
A small grandson
got lost at the shopping mall. He
approached a uniformed security guard and said, I’ve lost my grandpa!” The guard asked, “What’s his name?” “Grandpa,” replied the little fella. The guard smiled, then asked, “What’s he
like?” The little fella hesitated for a
moment and then replied, “Crown Royal whiskey and women with big boobs.”
This is a segue to
a true story about my nephew and mother.
My nephew called each of his grandmothers, "Grammie", when he
was little. My mother always had a candy called WHOPPERS on the kitchen counter
for him. One time he got lost in a store and was asked who brought him to
the store. He replied, "Grammie with the whoppers." Over
the intercom came this hesitated, chuckling announcement, "Would Grammie
with the whoppers please come get Matt at the check out counter?"
When Mother arrived, the store manager could hardly look her in the eye, let
alone talk.
I have a friend who
is potty training her 3 year old. Every
day she posts on a social media how many times he’s been successful. Here is what she said, “Day 3 and Larry has
already used the potty! ‘So proud of him...he's really getting the hang of
it!” Here is what I said to her, “How about your husband, has he used the potty and aimed
dead-on?? If so, I know you're so proud that he's getting the hang of it. If he isn’t, maybe you need to post that,
too, so it will help him. LOL”
Wanted: a place to put my head when I'm tired or
you're sad. My long hair will help you get calm as you caress it (oh man I
really love that). I have brown eyes which are always looking for you and a
soul which is thrilled when you walk through the door or greet me outside. I'll
keep you warm at night snuggled next to you. I don't eat much and prefer to eat
at home with you. Strangers will be welcomed, but watched carefully that they
mean no harm. If you have children, oh gods, what a joy they'll be to me. I can
keep them entertained for hours while you "do your thing". I'm loyal
to a fault, and in my mind, there's nobody like you to me. Treat me the way
you'd like to be treated and I'll follow you anywhere; treat me harshly and
I'll find something to honk you off, often.
Give me a call. My name is Sparkles.
You know, some
gifts you receive throughout your life are not held in your hand; they are held
in your heart, mind, and mind’s ears. “I
love you” is at the top of the list of a gift I’ve received from my loved ones
and dear friends…even some former students.
“Mom, you’re the best”, said at various times and a few times 13 minutes
after I’d been told “You’ve ruined my life!”
“You’re the ONE friend who will listen, understand, and not judge
me. I trust you.”; Their cool, wrinkled,
spotted hands slipped into mine when I’d come “home” as I’d sit next to them,
and the old grey sweater would be on the back of the settee waiting for me to
put it on. “Tea’s ready, Trutle Bootle,”
said Mother; “Toots, you make me laugh all the time,” crooned my Beloved as we
had verbally jousted about present or past events. “I want some ‘fart fellows’ and punkin’
pie,”; “Wow!!! Blueberry cake,
again.” “Why do you say you love me from
the bottom of your heart when it comes from your brain?” “Gummy” earlobes to nibble; “French fries” to
tickle; “vanilla pudding” to gently poke and squeeze; “I’ll love you forever”
hugs; “I’m here, Mommee, it’s going to be o.k.”
These are some of the treasures of my mind, heart, and ears. I know you have many, too.
Writing is thinking
on paper. -William Zinsser, writer and editor (7 Oct 1922-2015)
My friend, Tricia,
has 3 sons. One of them called her to tell
her she’d forgotten to pick him up after school. “When you hear the little voice on the other
end of the phone...and yeah...he knows you forgot to pick him up. I could hear the ‘eye rolling’ in his voice,”
Tricia said on a social media. Some of
the replies were: “At least you left him
somewhere good for him.”; “It happened to all of us
. . . . my little guy was in pre-freakin' school! I'm surprised he EVER forgave
me . . although . . . he does still
bring it up! BTW, he's a married adult man now.” and in reply to that
statement, “Wasn’t that just last week he was ‘in pre-freakin’ school’?” “Hey...part of being a parent is being
real....you are teaching your children grace by giving them a chance to see
that you are not perfect and they get to forgive you.......say you are sorry,
bake them cookies, count your blessings that nothing really bad happened and
move on......cheers to you and your wonderful family.” “What chapter is ‘forgetting to pick up a
child and how to resolve the wounded’ in the study guide for being a parent?
I'm glad he had telephone service and all was fine.”
I’m sure some of you can identify with
this. I can.
Piglet asked, “How
do you spell ‘love’, Pooh? Pooh
answered, “You don’t spell it, you feel it.” :)
If you want to know
the difference between a master and a beginner, remember-----the master has
failed more times than the beginner has ever tried.
In my 70 years of
life I have noticed that so much of society has become so fake that the truth
actually bothers some people. This is a segue
to a saying I like a lot----“Truth is hate to those who hate the truth.”
May your Christmas
or Winter celebration be filled with smiles, love, laughter, and great memories
for now and many years after. Merry
Christmas to you from, Trudy :)
