😁 2022 August
“FROM MY PERSPECTIVE” 😃
Back in the late 60s when my first husband
was in the Army, I had washed and starched his fatigues. After ironing them in
the regulation way (stiff as a board), I had clipped the pants on the bottom of
the hangar and the "jacket" was on the top part. I hung them in the
laundry room which was to the left of the kitchen sink. I forgot they were
there. As I was washing the dishes that night, I caught a glimpse of a tall
"man" standing in the laundry room and pulled the door shut holding
on to the door knob so "he" couldn't get out. I let out a yell which
brought my husband coming to see what was happening. I told him there was a
tall man in the laundry room. My husband, armed with a ball bat, opened the
door and flipped on the light. There was the "tall man"
"standing" in front of the water heater. He showed me the "tall
man", which gave us both a good laugh.
How come "you're a peach" is a complement, but
"you're bananas" is an insult? Why are we allowing fruit
discrimination to malign society? Next will be an anger drive-by fruiting
and indiscriminate squeezing to see who is the ripest.
My girlfriend teaches Sunday school at our church. She has three precocious boys who are eager
to learn about the Bible. She asked if
they’d like to start at the beginning in Genesis to which they agreed. She gave them a bit of an overview as to what
was in that book and mentioned Adam and Eve.
The oldest, Anthony, asked if Adam and Eve were the first people. My friend said, “Yes they were.” Anthony without pausing said sincerely, “So,
they were the prototypes of woman and man.” Hmmm, that makes complete sense.
I’ve seen these statements on business trucks. Exterminator: “Whatever is bugging you, we’ll
take care of it.” Plumber for
bathrooms: “We’re #1 on #2”. Earth moving equipment: “We work dirt cheap” and “Some boys still
play in the dirt”. Tire sales
business: “You can count on inflation
with us.” Mirror business: “We are a reflection of you.” Heating and Air Conditioning: “We run hot and cold, but don’t blow us off.” Dog grooming business: “We put the ‘BOW’ in ‘WOW’.
In the circus when things go wrong, they send in the clowns.
The song Helen Reddy sang about that, SEND IN THE CLOWNS, has rung so
true in my life at times. I remember a time I was most distraught, felt
so much was askew and unfix-able. Then, a certain person came to me and
made me feel better. They told me a joke and made the issues seem
solvable. I felt better and moved on. The lyric, "Where are
the clowns? Send in the clowns; Don't bother, they're here" came to mind.
As I walked up the stone path to Aint Daisy’s, I could see her sitting in her favorite rocking chair on the porch. Her hands were placed on top of her well-worn bible which was opened to a chapter. “Hi Aint Daisy, I see you’re out here enjoying the morning sun and critters.” She rocked and nodded her head; she looked a bit dismayed. “Is everything all right?” I asked. “Well, chile, I have a little trouble right now, but the good book is a-helpin’ me get through it. I know a young’un who’s got special needs. She’s a hard worker, sweet thang, and was a-workin’ at a place all happy, until some folks thought they could fuss at her somethin’ fierce, even harassed her. She tried to explain how her brain worked, but they wouldn’t try to learn or understand. They kept at her thinking she was regular in her thinkin’ and doin’. They just kept tryin’ to put a square peg in a round hole; got a bit mean with her, and her boss was right in there with ‘em. She took all she could for weeks and finally resigned her position. She came to talk to me about it. We talked, and I got out the good book. I silently said a little prayer for the Lord to guide me to the right verse to help her. Low and behold, I turned to Proverbs---my favorite book---chapter 18 verse 2 stood right out and announced what was.” “Would you tell me what it says, please?” I asked. “I surely will. ‘Fools find no pleasure in understanding, but delight in airing their own opinions.’ Simply put: Fools don't like or want to understand anything---they just want to babble on about their ill-informed own opinions. She seems to be a-doin’ all right, though, and told me that verse will stick with her.” “Aint Daisy, you surely know how to make a soul feel better,” I said. She smiled. ‘More wisdom from the Lady of the Holler who believes what the good book tells and shares it with others.
In the 1400’s a law was made that a man could only beat his wife with a stick no thicker than
his thumb. Thus, “rule of thumb” is how
this came about. Hmm, glad I wasn’t
around then. I’d create a law that said,
“Woman may only smack her husband on the head with a wooden block that is the
size of his head. Thus, this is where
the term “BLOCKHEAD” would come from.
My friend Brenduh was “trapped”, according to her, on an
escalator for hours when the power went out.
Finally the power came back on; she got off and went swimming. She came over to my house all mad. Seems she lost the breast stroke competition.
She told me it was most unfair---all the
other participants were using their arms.
I tried to not get her any angrier, but the inevitable happened. She went to her car and found she’d locked
the keys in it. She was yelling and
called to me to phone her husband at work to bring the extra set of keys to
unlock the door. I told her I wasn’t
going to bother him with that. Wow, that
made her madder and she bellowed, “Why not, dang it?” I told her to reach in and unlock the door---the
top was already down on her convertible.
Then, she went to the beach. She didn’t
have a great time there. She’d call for
her dog, but people would give her nasty looks.
I told her she shouldn’t have named her dog “Shark”.
These have actually been found in my and others’ high school
English class essays. 1. Her face was a
perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh
Master. 2. She grew on him
like she was a colony of E.Coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef. 3. She had a deep,
throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. 4. He fell for her
like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River. 5. Even in his last
years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left outside
so long, it had
rusted shut. 6. She walked into the
room like a centipede with 98 missing legs. 7. His happiness showed
like the face on a “Slow Down” sign holder in a road construction site in 98 degree heat. 8. It hurt the way
your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall. This last one reminds me of a commercial that was so funny to
me. It showed a wife making delicious
brownies and there was batter left on the beaters of her electric mixer. Her hubby comes in, eyes the dripping
mixture. She asks him if he’d like to
lick the beaters. He tells her yes;
picks up the mixer with the beaters still attached, and the cord still plugged
in. As he’s licking, the mixer somehow
turns on. The screen goes black and you
hear a muffled scream. I laughed so hard because I KNOW someone has done this
before, and I can still hear them. I
know, “That’s not funny, Trudy!” But, it
really is if you think about it for a while.
Forrest Gump said it perfectly, “Stupid is as stupid does.”
“People are like books----some deceive you with their cover,
and others surprise you with their contents.” Hardeep Singh
Imagine what a thesaurus, as a very large, ferocious animal
defending itself from an onslaught of marauding villains, would say: “Your ineptness is disadvantageous. I propound you to all expedite your incursion
with great importunity and expediency before I masticate you into minuscule
particles.” This brings a laughing
memory to me of when I was encouraging one of my children to stay with me at a
store. I said, “My preciousness, it
impounds me to implore you to remain adjacent to my flank as we traverse our
way through this chamber of delectable nourishments.” I said it to get my child’s attention. I did get it and a cry of, “Oh mom!! Speak English that I can understand!!!” I heard a giggle in the next aisle.
From Chief Dan George:
“May the stars carry your sadness away, May the flowers fill your heart
with beauty, May hope forever wipe away your tears, and, above all, May silence
make you strong.”
Peace, hugs, smiles-----Always, Trudy
