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SEPTEMBER is the ninth month of our year. It actually was the seventh month (SEPT means
seven), but Julius Caesar decided he wanted to have a month named after
him. So, he took some days from each of
the original months and made a month for himself calling it July. Not to be outdone, Augustus Caesar did the
same and he got AUGUST. That all sounds
pretty logical, but here is what really happened: “The meaning of September comes from ancient
Rome: Septem is Latin and means seven. The old Roman calendar started in March, making September the seventh month.
When the Roman senate changed the calendar in 153 BCE, the new year started in January, and September became the ninth
month.”
Well, Brenduhh came over all in a huff. “Trute, I am so irritated. I got two tickets today from a police officer!!” she whined. “What were they for, and why did you get them, Brenduhh?” I inquired. “I was about to stop at a stop sign, but I was in a hurry and drove on through it. Then, I turned right into another lane, but didn’t stay in the inside lane causing a police car to almost crash into me,” she whined some more. “The police officer made me pull over and stop. He told me, ‘You could have earned three tickets---one for not stopping at a stop sign, and the second one for not staying in the inside lane when you turned onto the two-lane road; that’s called IMPROPER LANE USAGE. I can’t give you the third ticket because the printing company ran out of ink for printing the ‘stupid’ tickets.’ ” I told her he was very observant. I went to get some tea started and put a fresh cinnamon roll on our plates. She mentioned she was working at a mattress store, but there wasn’t much business. Most of the employees just lay around doing nothing. She had been in vacuum sales at another store, but quit because she found most of her profits were sucked up with taxes.
I got a message from FACEBOOK a few months ago. It said, "Your account is restricted for 24 hours. Your account activity didn't follow our Community Standards, so you can't do one or more things you usually do." I posted for all to see/read, "Facebook says I'm restricted from "doing what I usually do" for 24 hours because I went against community standards. WTF??? Of course they won't tell me anything." The gamut of replies made me laugh. Here are some which I thought were enlightening and responses which were amusing:
Darren: "Facebook and "standards" are antonyms." Joseph: "Did you appeal it? Sometimes they
will say oops we goofed up." My response: "Oh, like when pigs fly? It will take more energy to
appeal than to rest my finger. So, whatever standard I went against, it must be in the realm of nit
picking." Nancy: "It's like you got
detention!!" My response: "Yes, and I ran Saturday morning
detentions! Oh the irony." Melodie: "WTH?!? You, of all people!
Weird." My response: "I know, and here I am all out of
M&Ms." Jeremy (one of my Saturday morning detention
frequent flyers and former student): With a big laugh icon, "You're in detention!!" My
response: "Yep, Ironic, huh?
So, I’ll see you Saturday?” Donna: "Facebook is sensitive." My
response: "I have other words which are more appropriate and descriptive." Those of you,
who know me, know of my vocabulary, that I read dictionaries like others read novels, and am a retired
English teacher. Carey: "They know who the trouble makers
are!!” (big laugh icon) My response:
"Carey, I'm changing your grade!" (He was a student of
mine and did very well.) Dianna: "At least you didn't have to sit in
a corner at the front of the class on a tall stool with a Dunce cap on!! LoL!!!” My response:
"Well, that's a relief, but I would have made it fun." Craig: "I get that a lot....no way to
debate them!" My response: "Cowards make it so you can't show
them where THEY were wrong. Truth is
hate to those who hate the truth." Carole: "They did that to me also, several
times. Not sure what they are doing to me now. Not seeing many posts from friends. According to
them, I incited violence.” My response: "I can't stop
laughing." Carole has the most fabulous sense of
humor----dry, witty, droll---and is a very peaceful person. I, on the other hand, am a warrior. So, our being
opposites makes me laugh. Sandi: "Yea, that's FB for ya just tell
them you don't agree with their decision and sometimes they'll unblock you." My response:
"Well, as I've said, I'm giving my finger a rest or workout." Then, there was
one (a former student) who became a defensive ally. She thought someone had
verbally attacked me and blasted them. What a comforting feeling her defense
ensued.
Creative people don’t have a mess; they have creative ideas
lying around everywhere. And, if someone
else cleans up the “mess”, we have lost our mind.
My daughter and I were at a store. I saw someone I
didn't really like, but couldn't hide among the clothes' racks fast
enough. She saw me-----"Ohhhh, Trudy, how ARE you? I see
you've gotten a bit more plenty to love, and you really should make an
appointment with MY hair stylist. She could do something nice with your
hair." (ad nauseam, ad infinitum) She gushed on and on about her
life as we stood there wishing she'd shut up. Finally, she took a breath
long enough for me to tell her we had an appointment soon (like
tomorrow). I hugged her good-bye and walked away. My daughter
asked, "Mom, why did you hug her? You don't even LIKE her; and she
was so insulting to you." I calmly answered, "Sometimes you
have to hug someone you don't really like to find out how big to dig the hole
in the woods." My daughter couldn't stop laughing.
There were some pretty bad storms and high winds in my area
recently. Tree limbs were blown down
with leaves blown off some remaining limbs, patio furniture rearranged, bushes
bowing to the ground like they were showing respect to royalty; I even saw some
inflatable, plastic pigs flying around.
Whelp, I won’t be able to use that phrase anymore.
There are some products offered to us which actually lie
about what they are. For instance: SLIM FAST---takes too long; it’s time
challenged. SKINNY JEANS---they don’t
work and they show all the Twinkies you ate.
SMART WATER---doesn’t work on everyone.
CALGON---Ha!! It didn’t take me away when the kids were at the closed
bathroom door---I was still in the tub.
Aint Daisy was busy making pies and rolls as I knocked on
her kitchen door. “Come on in,
chile. I jes took out a cherry pie about
an hour ago. Would ye like some?” Oh bless her heart. She knew I would and knows it’s my favorite
kind of pie. She cut a big piece and
started piling on the whipped cream she’d, also, made. When she finished, I think there was still a
piece of pie under the mound. “Thank
you, Aint Daisy. I just love your pies,
and you’re so generous with your homemade whipped cream; ‘love that, too,” I
said as she smiled, wiped her hands on her apron and sat down across from me
with her pie and whipped cream. “I’ll
tell you, Aint Daisy, sometimes I get so busy I wish I had another day in my
life to just rest.” She sat there
quietly eating her pie. “Hmmm, mmm,” came
her reply in agreement to my statement.
There was a pause, she looked at me and said, “Chile, if the good Lort
gave ye or any body else another day, He’d not be a-doin’ it so ye could
rest. He’s already gone and done
that. He’d add it t’ the already seven
a-cause someone out thar needs ye.”
There’s more wisdom from the Lady of the Holler.
My daughter, Della, makes beautiful jewelry, sun catchers,
pictures from old jewelry, and other lovely things to sell. She goes to many vending shows to sell her
“pretties”, as I call them. I called her
to come over for a break. She said, “Oh
I’d love to, but my candle’s done burned out.
I’m so far behind I think I’m in first place to be last.” I went for the snort.
Did you hear about the obstetrician who was quite the STAR
WARS fan? Even his primary office and
name were appropriate---OB 1, Ken O’bee, M.D.
He shared an office building suite with a psychiatrist and
proctologist. Some patients referred to
that section of the suite as “ODDS AND ENDS”.
I was raised in the South where tea is sweet; summer starts
in April; macaroni and cheese is a vegetable; front porches are wide and words
are long; pecan pie is a staple; “ya’ll” is the only proper noun; biscuits come
with every meal, so do grits; everyone is ‘darlin’ & someone’s heart is
always being blessed.
Smiles and blessings for another month. Trudy J
