2020 August FROM MY PERSPECTIVE
I had some extra money one time and asked my Daddy what I
should invest in. He thought and wisely said, "I suggest you invest
in some land. It's not being made anymore." He was not easy to
"read"; he kept his feelings to himself. But, if you took the
time to listen to him and watch his eyes (they gave a lot of information),
you'd catch on to some of his opinions. A lady came to visit Mother one
day. She knocked at the open front door. Daddy was in his chair
close enough to be heard. He looked up, saw who it was, and said,
"Entrails"; she came into the house. Mother greeted her and
then they went into the living room. I mentioned to Daddy I'd heard him
say, "entrails" instead of "enter". His eyes twinkled
as he told me to think about what he'd said. That was his covert way of
indicating his disdain for that person. Entrails are not considered
pleasant.
I found out they're not making yardsticks any longer. When bed linens are transported to your house
from a company, is it called, “shipped sheets”; and, if fertilizer is moved the
same way, is it called “shipped shi**”? Say those 2 three times fast. Now you’ve done LINGUAL LOCUTIONS.
My daughter and I were texting about the sourdough starter
she had made and needed to use. I've made sourdough bread many times and
know it can be tricky, especially when the air pressure is fluctuating and it's
raining. I have a microphone on my texting feature which saves me from
typing with one finger. I used the microphone feature in a message about
what she needs to do with her bread making when it's a rainy day. Here is
what was sent, "Due to the rain
and Barbara motor you need to turn it into pancakes nut
bread." She returned the text with, "What is
'Barbara motor' and 'pancakes nut bread'?" After I quit laughing, I
typed "Due to the rain and barometer, you need to turn it into pancakes,
not bread." Auto-correct can really be interesting.
During the
stupidity demonstrations and mindless shootings of some people, there were
“condition alerters” who would post on Facebook what was happening and where,
but they were not specific as to where.
I posted a plea: Dear
alert informers, PLEASE give your location when you tell of and "active
shooter 25 miles from here" or "in the next town
east/west/south/north of here". It will help those who are on the verge of
worry coupled with scared. I say this, because posted on my wall was an
announcement from someone telling there was an active shooter 25 miles from
them. Shit fire, Sadie, I was running for the maps to find out where. I had to
stop by the bathroom, too!!!
HOW COME DEPARTMENT
1. We never hear any
father-in-law jokes? 2. When kids are on vacation they’re up at the
crack of dawn, but on school
mornings you have to drag them out of bed?
3. Coumadin is a prescribed drug
and costs a lot of money, but
aspirin does the same thing and is so inexpensive? 4.
Public restroom stalls have doors which swing in making
it almost impossible to maneuver your butt, packages, purse, and coat to shut
the dang thing? Then, when you do get it shut and everything
put down or hung up, there is barely enough time to undo your
clothes before you wet yourself? Why
bother to try?
Beloved and I were talking about officers in the
military. He told me of a very tough
master sergeant he had had when he was in the Army. He told me, “He had 3 stripes up and 3
stripes down, a star, and hatch marks on his arm.” “Wow, that’s amazing!” I said with
astonishment, “Did he have them on his sleeve, too?” Beloved did that eye rolling thing…twice, and
then told me to go away. I smirked all
the way out.
In the 1400’s a law was made that a man could only beat his wife with a stick no thicker than
his thumb. Thus, “rule of thumb” is how
this came about. Hmm, glad I wasn’t
around then. I’d create a law that said,
“Woman may only smack her husband on the head with a wooden block that is the
size of his head.” Thus, this is where
the term “BLOCKHEAD” would come from.
My daughter, Della, and I were texting each other around 6:45 a.m. I told her I'd just awakened and my brain was still fuzzy. The conversation went on merging into The Adams Family and the character Lurch. She mentioned she liked the character. I told her he was humorously ominous and lugubrious. There was a long pause in our exchange of texts. She responded, "It's waaaaay toooooo early for that mess of terms. Your brain is awake, now!!" I couldn't help not laughing out loud.
Brenduhh came over with a pack of chicken legs. She was befuddled about them. "Trudy, take a look at these chicken legs. I don't know if they're back legs or front legs." I told her it didn't matter and to just enjoy them when she cooked them. I didn't want to give her a lesson in leg count of animals...she'd get confused.
Well I know I'm getting old. I hardly did anything today and dang, I need a nap to continue.
This covid virus!! Gods!!!! We’re told to wear face masks so if we have the virus it will retard the spreading of it through air vapors and so we don’t inhale it, either. Well, in my thinking and knowledge our stomachs and intestines harbor e-coli, which is deadly. Rolling around in our intestines, due to some foods, is the creation of methane gas which when expelled can be harmful. So, when we expel gas we’re expelling two harmful things. Maybe we should wear butt masks.
“Time equals flavor.” That statement was said when a friend of mine was making some of her delicious soup, and I was anxious to have a bowl of it. I've thought about it and totally agree when it comes to making soup. But, then it dawned on me it can apply to life, too. All one's been through, all their trials, tribulations, smiles, frowns, and rejoices make you the person you are today. All those experiences happened over time, lots of time. My grand-dog, Mabel, greets me every time I see her with a lick on my hand, and then gently puts my hand in her mouth. My grandson said, “Gram, she likes your flavor!” At 75, time has made me flavorful.
Recently in the news was the arrest of a man who was in Walmart fondling women. He was detained by security and arrested by the police. Had it happened to me, I would have been having a chat with the police for the announcement of “clean-up in aisle 5”.
Anything you need to learn, which is worthwhile, gets harder before it gets easier. “Although gold dust is precious, when it gets in your eyes, it obstructs your vision.” -Hsi-Tang
My grandson told me he was having “ass-fixiation” issues after eating a can of pork and beans. I told him the term was “asphyxiation” and spelled it for him. He said, “No Gram, it’s what I said because I keep farting.” I had to sit down I was laughing so hard.
I don’t know if your mother was a guilt tripper, but mine was. I think she was the queen of them. Her famous one was: “Oh, do what you want to.” This creates total confusion in a kid and later an adult. First you think “Wow! Finally I’m going to be able to do what I want and she won’t get angry.” Then, reality sets in with, “Are you delusional? In order to not get the Artic zone shoulder for the next 3 weeks, you’d be real smart to do what she wants you to do.” Of course, when you finally do what she wants, she passively-aggressively slips in “Don’t you ever think for yourself?” One day I just decided I’d had enough of the guilt tripping tactic. She started; so, I went to the closet and got a suitcase; put some things in it, and walked down the stairs to the front door. She, of course, saw the whole thing and asked, “Now just where are you going, young lady?” I told her, “Well, I’m going on that guilt trip you’re giving me.” I still got the Artic zone shoulder treatment for a while, but I overheard her telling Daddy what I’d done and said. He replied drolly, “She has a good idea there.” Daddy was brave.
Peace………..Trudy
