2020 January FROM MY PERSPECTIVE
HAPPY NEW YEAR AND NEW DECADE!!!! I never thought I’d see 2020, but here it is
and so am I. I remember 2000 and how so many were sure it was going to be
the end of the world……….but it wasn’t. Since I’m not a soothsayer, nor have I a crystal ball, I
have no idea of what this year will bring, but whatever it is, I’ll be ready
for it…….well, maybe I will……and it will be another adventure. This year I’ll become ¾ of a century
old/young. I didn’t think that would
happen, either. I’ll have to wait
another 25 years and 1 day to be considered an antique, but I can be considered
vintage: referring to something that is
from an earlier generation.
I was looking at my box of crayons the other day. YES, I have a box of crayons; my very own “96
Different Brilliant Colors BIG BOX OF CRAYONS” by Crayola. God help the one(s) who think they are
entitled to use any of them. I have this
little quirk because I didn’t have a huge box of them when I was a kid. But, come to think of it, there weren’t 96
colors in a box 50 some years ago….only 48.
Some of the new colors are absolutely delicious…NEON CARROT, APRICOT,
PLUM, MELON, ATOMIC TANGERINE, WILD WATERMELON, GRANNY SMITH APPLE, WILD STRAWBERRY,
PEACH. Then came the best---MACARONI AND
CHEESE. I just about ate that one! I noticed there weren’t any real life colors,
though. Real life colors would be: Dull Dinge taupe; Ring-around-the-collar
grey; Ran-around-outside-with-my-white-socks–on brownish green grey;
Fingerprints-on-the-walls-grayed brown; Chocolate milk-moustache peachy-brown;
“Did-someone-go-potty-and-not- flush yellow; Ear wax golden yellow; Navel dust
grey; and grimy sparkling white. I could
list other “real life” colors, but I don’t want you to get nauseous. Oops, forgot one. How about
washed-your-underwear-with-a-new-red-towel-sorry-about-that pink? My Beloved hated that color.
My husband and I had quite a relationship. We laughed about every day and had plenty to
talk about. He was, also, the best
straight man for my silly shtick. He had
a fabulous wit and left me vying for more many times. Here’s an glimpse of his humor:
Guy appeared to look as though he’d lost some weight. I asked him, “Have you lost weight, Honey?”
Tersely he replied, “Yep, sure have---lost some of my mind.” What a smarty pants.
We were in the throes of “intense fellowship” one day. Guy growled, “If you EVER get lock jaw,
I’m going to throw a party!” I told him
I’d invest in a paper company so I could continue to communicate with him. Then I tried to show him some sign
language. Still angry, he surprised me
and showed me what he already knew.
When Daddy worked for ALCOA in Atlanta, there was a
woman, in his office, whose last name was Sixxhaur, pronounced “six are”. Evidently the new secretary, who was from
Ohio, didn’t know how to pronounce the name.
A call came in asking for this person by their last name. The secretary, red-faced, called out, “Do we
have a sex hour here?” Daddy said there wasn’t a sober face in the office for a
while, and someone yelled, “Is that during happy hour?”
A friend of mine has a daughter who likes to know
where things are and one must be exact.
Here is some dialog between them.
Ireland: Mom, I
don't know where the thumb drive for the Xbox is. Me:
It's in a clear box in the closet in the living room. Ireland:
Where? Me: It's in a clear box inside a
cardboard box in the living room closet.
Ireland: What color is the box? Me: Clear Ireland: Okay, but what color is that? Me: Clear Ireland: Mom, what color of box is it? Me: Clear Ireland: Is clear a color? Me: No. Ireland: What color of box is it in then? Me: Clear Ireland: MOM! What color? Me: (Heavy sigh)...It is sitting inside of a transparent cube that is located inside a brown cardboard box which is located inside the living room closet which is currently sitting inside of this freaking house! Ireland: Wow, whats your problem? Why are you so grumpy?
Ireland: What color is the box? Me: Clear Ireland: Okay, but what color is that? Me: Clear Ireland: Mom, what color of box is it? Me: Clear Ireland: Is clear a color? Me: No. Ireland: What color of box is it in then? Me: Clear Ireland: MOM! What color? Me: (Heavy sigh)...It is sitting inside of a transparent cube that is located inside a brown cardboard box which is located inside the living room closet which is currently sitting inside of this freaking house! Ireland: Wow, whats your problem? Why are you so grumpy?
This reminds me of my son when
he was about 6. He was visiting a friend
of mine who had adopted an African American child. They were sitting on the sofa talking. Stephen held his arm next to hers and asked
her what color she was. She told him,
“I’m brown and proud.” She asked him
what color he was. He thought and said,
“I’m clear and proud.”
The game SCRABBLE is one of my all time favorites. I came across a list of 2-lettered
words. I knew AA was an Hawaiian word
for a type of lava, but these stump me:
AB, AE, AI, AR, DE, EF, EM, EN, ER, ES, ET, HM, KA, MM, NE, OE, OM, PE,
TA, TI, UT. I’m thinking (Guy would say,
“Oh, we’re in trouble now.”) they may be Greek letters or abbreviations which
are now accepted as actual words---ER comes to mind as Emergency Room; TA could
be a word of “good-bye”…TA TA for now; HM is a thinking word or word of
questioning, but that would be spelled with more than one M depending how deep
and long you were thinking, HMM? MM
could be a vocalization for pleasure, and of course, the number of M’s involved
depends on how pleasurable it is. For
example: fried chicken would be MM, but chocolate cheesecake is
MMMMMMMMM!!! Maybe some of the others
are words from other languages which are now considered acceptable among our
American English. People’s names are also words. BOB= to move up and down; CARL= a peasant;
DAWN=the first of morning; DONNA= an Italian lady; GLEN= a small valley; GUY= a
male person; HANK=fasten a sail; JACK=raise with a type of lever; JOE= a
fellow; JOHN=well, we already know that one (sorry about that JS); KIP=to
sleep; MIKE=microphone; ROCKY=uneven terrain; TOM=a male cat.
My Beloved had a very quick wit.
We were sparring partners, for sure.
Here are 2 examples of his wit:
Guy appeared to look as though he’d lost some weight. I asked him, “Have you lost weight, Honey?”
Tersely he replied, “Yep, sure have---lost some of my mind.” What a smarty pants.
I don’t know how many of you remember the routines of Abbott and
Costello, but I do and just about every one of them. I thought they were about the funniest 2 guys
after Laurel and Hardy. I was telling
Guy about one of the routines---the adding of a column of numbers. To my delight, he didn’t know about it. Ahhhhh, now I can go in for the kill. I made a column of numbers---24, 36, 12, 25,
and 43. Then I told him they’d add up to
320. Being a fast thinker in math, he
told me they couldn’t possibly, and that the correct answer would be 140. So, I showed him it was true. “3+5=8, +2=10, +10 more = 20. Put down your zero and carry the 2. 20+2=22+3=25+1=26+2=28,
plus 4 equals 32. Put that down next to
the zero….320!” He called me a smart
ass. I told him, “Yes, they are smart.” Then I got up and left him to think about
some math. Later that day, I
returned. He asked me how much 2 and 1 were. I told him it was 3. He couldn’t stop laughing, wrote it down and
showed me it was 4. He’d written a 2 and
put a line immediately next to the 2 making it resemble a 4. “Gotcha!!!” he gleefully exclaimed. ‘Guess he’d lived for that moment all day.
I read recently that if you are getting married at Disney
World, for an extra $375, you can have Goofy there. Crimminies, I thought he was already present.
And Silence, like a
poultice, comes / To heal the blows of sound. –Oliver Wendell Holmes Sr., poet,
novelist, essayist, and physician (1809-1894) Good thought, unless it applies to children. When my son, age 45 now, was about 11, he and
his buddy Tom were outside playing and making all sorts of noise. This was, to me, comforting and a tracking
device. You moms know what I’m talking
about. Then I noticed it was too
quiet. Guy was relieved, but I was
uneasy. I told him I was going to check
to see what was going on. Sure enough,
they were into mischief, and hungry.
Dane had invaded the garage freezer and refrigerator, gotten out 2
quarts of milk and the 6 dozen peanut butter cookies I’d put in there to cure
for the cookie exchange in two days.
There they sat; stuffing their mouths to see who could put the most
cookies in and each swigging down a quart of milk. Silence was NOT “like a poultice to heal the
blows of sound” in this case.
Before there was caller ID, I would answer the phone when it
rang without hesitancy. A voice I didn’t
recognize said, “We have your child.”
Fear gripped me, and I asked in a shaky voice, “What are your
demands?” The voice said, “You’re
kidding, aren’t you? This is the day
care. Please come get your child!” Said child was very active and seldom
slowed-down, was quite loquacious, extremely inquisitive, and would test the
patience of Job.
Blessings, smiles, and best wishes to you for another
year. This year reminds me of one of my
favorite songs---I CAN SEE CLEARLY NOW, because it is 2020. Always, Trudy
