😁😃August 2022 FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

                                     😁   2022 August “FROM MY PERSPECTIVE”  😃

Back in the late 60s when my first husband was in the Army, I had washed and starched his fatigues. After ironing them in the regulation way (stiff as a board), I had clipped the pants on the bottom of the hangar and the "jacket" was on the top part. I hung them in the laundry room which was to the left of the kitchen sink. I forgot they were there. As I was washing the dishes that night, I caught a glimpse of a tall "man" standing in the laundry room and pulled the door shut holding on to the door knob so "he" couldn't get out. I let out a yell which brought my husband coming to see what was happening. I told him there was a tall man in the laundry room. My husband, armed with a ball bat, opened the door and flipped on the light. There was the "tall man" "standing" in front of the water heater. He showed me the "tall man", which gave us both a good laugh.

How come "you're a peach" is a complement, but "you're bananas" is an insult?  Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to malign society?  Next will be an anger drive-by fruiting and indiscriminate squeezing to see who is the ripest.

My girlfriend teaches Sunday school at our church.  She has three precocious boys who are eager to learn about the Bible.  She asked if they’d like to start at the beginning in Genesis to which they agreed.  She gave them a bit of an overview as to what was in that book and mentioned Adam and Eve.  The oldest, Anthony, asked if Adam and Eve were the first people.  My friend said, “Yes they were.”  Anthony without pausing said sincerely, “So, they were the prototypes of woman and man.”  Hmmm, that makes complete sense.

I’ve seen these statements on business trucks.  Exterminator: “Whatever is bugging you, we’ll take care of it.”  Plumber for bathrooms:  “We’re #1 on #2”.  Earth moving equipment:  “We work dirt cheap” and “Some boys still play in the dirt”.  Tire sales business:  “You can count on inflation with us.”  Mirror business:  “We are a reflection of you.”  Heating and Air Conditioning:  “We run hot and cold, but don’t blow us off.”  Dog grooming business:  “We put the ‘BOW’ in ‘WOW’.

In the circus when things go wrong, they send in the clowns.  The song Helen Reddy sang about that, SEND IN THE CLOWNS, has rung so true in my life at times.  I remember a time I was most distraught, felt so much was askew and unfix-able.  Then, a certain person came to me and made me feel better.  They told me a joke and made the issues seem solvable.  I felt better and moved on.  The lyric, "Where are the clowns? Send in the clowns; Don't bother, they're here" came to mind.

As I walked up the stone path to Aint Daisy’s, I could see her sitting in her favorite rocking chair on the porch.  Her hands were placed on top of her well-worn bible which was opened to a chapter.  “Hi Aint Daisy, I see you’re out here enjoying the morning sun and critters.”  She rocked and nodded her head; she looked a bit dismayed.  “Is everything all right?” I asked.  “Well, chile, I have a little trouble right now, but the good book is a-helpin’ me get through it.  I know a young’un who’s got special needs.  She’s a hard worker, sweet thang, and was a-workin’ at a place all happy, until some folks thought they could fuss at her somethin’ fierce, even harassed her.  She tried to explain how her brain worked, but they wouldn’t try to learn or understand.  They kept at her thinking she was regular in her thinkin’ and doin’.  They just kept tryin’ to put a square peg in a round hole; got a bit mean with her, and her boss was right in there with ‘em.  She took all she could for weeks and finally resigned her position.  She came to talk to me about it.  We talked, and I got out the good book.  I silently said a little prayer for the Lord to guide me to the right verse to help her.  Low and behold, I turned to Proverbs---my favorite book---chapter 18 verse 2 stood right out and announced what was.”  “Would you tell me what it says, please?” I asked.  “I surely will.  ‘Fools find no pleasure in understanding, but delight in airing their own opinions.’  Simply put:  Fools don't like or want to understand anything---they just want to babble on about their ill-informed own opinions.  She seems to be a-doin’ all right, though, and told me that verse will stick with her.”  “Aint Daisy, you surely know how to make a soul feel better,” I said.  She smiled. ‘More wisdom from the Lady of the Holler who believes what the good book tells and shares it with others.

In the 1400’s a law was made that a man could only beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb.  Thus, “rule of thumb” is how this came about.  Hmm, glad I wasn’t around then.  I’d create a law that said, “Woman may only smack her husband on the head with a wooden block that is the size of his head.  Thus, this is where the term “BLOCKHEAD” would come from.

My friend Brenduh was “trapped”, according to her, on an escalator for hours when the power went out.  Finally the power came back on; she got off and went swimming.   She came over to my house all mad.  Seems she lost the breast stroke competition.  She told me it was most unfair---all the other participants were using their arms.  I tried to not get her any angrier, but the inevitable happened.  She went to her car and found she’d locked the keys in it.  She was yelling and called to me to phone her husband at work to bring the extra set of keys to unlock the door.  I told her I wasn’t going to bother him with that.  Wow, that made her madder and she bellowed, “Why not, dang it?”  I told her to reach in and unlock the door---the top was already down on her convertible.  Then, she went to the beach.  She didn’t have a great time there.  She’d call for her dog, but people would give her nasty looks.  I told her she shouldn’t have named her dog “Shark”.

These have actually been found in my and others’ high school English class essays.   1.  Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.  2.  She grew on him like she was a colony of E.Coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.  3.  She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.  4.  He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.  5.  Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left outside so long, it had rusted shut.  6.  She walked into the room like a centipede with 98 missing legs.  7.  His happiness showed like the face on a “Slow Down” sign holder in a road construction site in  98 degree heat.  8.  It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.   This last one reminds me of a commercial that was so funny to me.  It showed a wife making delicious brownies and there was batter left on the beaters of her electric mixer.  Her hubby comes in, eyes the dripping mixture.  She asks him if he’d like to lick the beaters.  He tells her yes; picks up the mixer with the beaters still attached, and the cord still plugged in.  As he’s licking, the mixer somehow turns on.  The screen goes black and you hear a muffled scream. I laughed so hard because I KNOW someone has done this before, and I can still hear them.  I know, “That’s not funny, Trudy!”  But, it really is if you think about it for a while.  Forrest Gump said it perfectly, “Stupid is as stupid does.”

“People are like books----some deceive you with their cover, and others surprise you with their contents.” Hardeep Singh

Imagine what a thesaurus, as a very large, ferocious animal defending itself from an onslaught of marauding villains, would say:  “Your ineptness is disadvantageous.  I propound you to all expedite your incursion with great importunity and expediency before I masticate you into minuscule particles.”  This brings a laughing memory to me of when I was encouraging one of my children to stay with me at a store.  I said, “My preciousness, it impounds me to implore you to remain adjacent to my flank as we traverse our way through this chamber of delectable nourishments.”   I said it to get my child’s attention.  I did get it and a cry of, “Oh mom!!  Speak English that I can understand!!!”  I heard a giggle in the next aisle.

From Chief Dan George:  “May the stars carry your sadness away, May the flowers fill your heart with beauty, May hope forever wipe away your tears, and, above all, May silence make you strong.”

Peace, hugs, smiles-----Always, Trudy

🎇🎆2022 July FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

 

                🎆 2022 July FROM MY PERSPECTIVE 🎇

 “Hurry up.  You’re so slow.  Move it, slowpoke.  We’ll never get this made if you don’t hurry up,” came the harsh words from the father to his son as they sat at a table putting a puzzle together.  The son tried to keep up, but the little fingers were not as dexterous as the father’s.  It about broke my heart listening as they sat a few tables away from Aint Daisy and me.  She and I were researching some of her family’s historical ancestry at the library.  “Oh Aint Daisy, his tone and demands are just about making me want to get up and go tell him to hush.”  She sat watching them not saying a word.  Her eyebrows were knitted together and her jaw was set.  “I know exactly how you feel, chile.  It would be best if I went over and told him to hush, not you.”  And with that she rose, straightened her back and walked over to them.  She stood looking at the father, who looked up at her.  “Excuse me for a minute, please,” she said sweetly.  “Are you aware how old he is compared to how old you are?” she questioned.  The man said he was.  “Then, do you suppose the skill of doing something such as what you’re doing is comparable?” she questioned.  The man started to get a bit sheepish in his posture and voice tone.  “No, I don’t suppose it is,” he responded.  “That’s a nice puzzle you’re putting together and will look real nice when it is done.  Plus, think of all the quality time you’re spending with your child with no interruptions,” she cooed.  The man started to hang his head.  “Please remember:  ‘Anything worthwhile and of good value takes time and diligence.’  I’m sure this time with your son will be moments neither of you will forget.  Enjoy your special time together.”  With that, she returned to our table.  The father’s posture was more relaxed and the little boy’s face changed to a grin.  Aint Daisy winked at me; I'd had another lesson of wisdom from The Lady of the Holler.

In my mother’s kitchen was a drawer full of twister ties from various bread wrappers and other things.  There must have been hundreds.  I asked her if I could clean it out and leave some.  She told me she may need to use them, so I was to leave them right where she had them.  Of course, I thought it was rather silly to have so many, but abided by her statement (o.k. command).  In March of 2001, my siblings and I had to go to the house and start cleaning it out; Mother had drawn her last breath and went to be with Daddy in Heaven.  My sister and I knew some things just had to be tossed, and I decided the “hell drawer” with all the twist ties would be first on my list.  Gleefully I threw almost all of them away.  A few days later, it was found twist ties were needed to secure some bags of trash.  I went to the drawer---NOTHING was there, not even one.  My sister was standing beside me with a smirk on her face.  “It looks like we were too hasty to toss some things,” she cooed with sarcasm.  “Oh, zip it, Colleen,” was the only thing I could think to say.  Guess who has more than 25 twisty ties in a kitchen drawer in her kitchen; just take a wild guess.

THOUGHTS:  “It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.”  “Make love not war; Criminies, do both, get married.”  “If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress---CONGRESS?”  In a barroom men’s restroom:  “Beauty is only a light switch away.”  “No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her garbage.” I think they could be in a ladies’ room, too.    “A person forced against their will is of the same opinion, still.”           

Years ago, I asked my Beloved if he’d remembered to do something I’d requested him to do.  His said incredulously, “Of course I did; my mind is like a steel trap.”  I just looked at him remembering the times he’d forgotten my requests.  My baited response was, “And sometimes the trap is empty or the spring’s already been sprung.”  He told me he wasn’t alone with that one.  I have no idea what he was talking about.  

A few days ago, I was cold for some reason.  It was over 80 out, but I was chilly.  I mentioned it to my sweet Tara.  She smiled and said, “Well, Mom, you know when you get old you get chilly faster than young people.”  I smiled and said, “I guess so.”  This person is all of 26!

I was at a hardware store and saw a line of wheel barrows all chained together.  The name of the wheel barrow was SHERLOCK.  I do believe they were not meant to move manure.

Memories are like Ferris wheels, they come around, they have their highs and lows, and they come around again.  It might be triggered by a sight, a sound, a smell, or a sensation.  They’ll bring you a smile, or a tear…maybe both.  No one can take away a memory, and sometimes that’s all we have left.  There’s that smile and a glisten on our cheek.

Brenduhh arrived at the kitchen door with her waist-length hair all teased as high as it could go.  “Come on in.  I’m making some cookies,” I called out.  She came in all excited.  “Hi!  How do you like my hair?  I got it teased up so much,” she proudly announced.  “You sure do.  My, my you have a lot of hair to tease up like that,” I said.  “Oh yes I do.  I had it all tease because it makes my hips look smaller,” she cooed.   “How about some warm cookies and tea, kiddo?” I asked.  During our conversation over warm cookies, she mentioned ice cream and how it would taste so good with the cookies.  “Yesterday I cleared out some space in the freezer,” she proudly announced.  “Oh that must have been quite a job,” I said.  “Nope.  It just sounds so much more productive than, ‘I just polished off another pint of ice cream’.”

Allen Walker Read (1906-2002), a Winnebago, MN sleuth of linguistic oddities, attempted to explain ‘O.K.’, which is probably the world’s most universally understood term.  “He explained that this widely adopted term of agreement did not come from the Choctaw word OKE, from the French idiom AU QUAI, or from the spelling error by Andrew Jackson.  Instead, he showed that because of the linguistic fad popular about 1839, O.K., was coined from the intentional misspelling “oll correct,” for all correct, popularized by U.S. president Martin Van Buren.” Now, in our electronic messaging world, ‘K’ seems to be accepted as a “word” of agreement.  My daughter sent the letter/word of agreement to me.  I volleyed with, “L,M,N,O.”

Weaver’s-talk:  A system of communication by hand-signals and by the silent motions of the mouth and lips, used by the girls in weaving sheds when looms are/were working, the noise being too great to hear ordinary speech.   Sort of like, when you’re in the church pew and your mother is in the choir loft and she sees you being a squirrel.  She slyly signals to you, drawing a line across her throat with her index finger that “death to Smoochie” will happen if you don’t cage yourself.

I was talking with my 26 year old daughter about standing up for herself.  She was learning to do it, but sometimes her tactics were misunderstood.  I gave her a good visual in which to refer.  I stated, “It is fine to stand up for yourself, another, or for a cause; however, for it to be effective, you need to do it like an elephant in charge, not a charging elephant.”

“TRUTH does not mind being questioned; A LIE does not like being challenged.”  Have you ever noticed when someone is lying to you and you question what they said, they have a tendency to get a little defensive or stammer.  And, if you ask them to tell you, again, what they said, it usually has diversity to what was previously said.

Living and working with two autistic spectrum people has been very interesting, to say the least.  We were deep in a conversation about fond happenings of the past.  “Mom, remember when I was just a kid about 8 years old, and you caught me with all those cookies in my pockets?” he said with fondness.  “And, when was that, sweetie?” I asked.  “Oh I think it was last week,” he calculated.  “But you’re 28, buddy.  So, was it really last week?” I inquired.  “Well, it seems like it was,” he reminisced.  The concept of time is not on his side.

Your tiny toe is called a minimus.  Well, that is unless you find the edge of a piece of solid furniture in the dark of night.  Then, it’s called a MAXIMUS.  I know, thanks for the memories, Trudy.   

 In the end of life, it’s been said, “What you’ve accumulated can’t be taken with you.”  Oh yes it can!!  You take all the love given and that you gave, your memories----the good, bad, and ugly----the friendships, and your smile.

Peace, hugs, and smiles to you until August----------Trudy                     

🌹🌹 2022 June FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

     

                🌹🌹 June 2022 FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

Brenduh came over all excited.  She'd been to a town in the deep South to visit some relatives.  She started to talk, but it wasn't her regular way of talking.  I asked, "Brenduh, you sound like you had a great time; however, your way of talking is different.  Did you pick up the Southern drawl and accent while you were visiting your relatives?"  "I guess I did, Trudy, and I can't seem to go back to the way I used to talk.  Do you have any suggestions?"  I thought for a moment and said, "Well, keep listening to others around here and it will return.  Try real hard because you have so much twang in your words you sound like a banjo."  The scene from DELIVERANCE of the guitar and banjo challenge came to mind.  Some things just trigger a visual and auditory memory.

I have a friend who does not enjoy cooking.  She has three sons who enjoy eating.  She told this:  "Mom, I smelled this really good smell outside, and knew it wasn't coming from our house...but it was! Are you cooking something that doesn't smell bad?" My kids are jerks.”  Talk about a backhand compliment.  She was making Mississippi pot roast in the slow cooker.

I got a bit irritated at a gal the other day.  I was taught to always try to be a lady when you want to tell someone off.  So, I turned Southern on her with my words.  In my nicest Southern accent I said, "Oh bless your heart.  It seems someone shortened your chain and didn't fill your bowl."  Then, I walked away giving her something to think about.  She came at me saying, "You called me a bit**!"  I told her in my continuing Southern accent, "No, sugah, I wouldn't say that.  I just said it seemed your chain had been shortened and your food bowl was empty.  The interpretation is in your thoughts."

Aint Daisy invited me for lunch with her and to bring my own.  As I approached the porch, I saw she had some lemonade all ready and had cut some pieces of cherry pie (my favorite).  “Well, hello to you, Chile.  Come set a spell and have lunch with me.  I sat down in the usual white wicker chair with the fat, floral cushion; she was sitting in her rocker.  “I brought my lunch as you mentioned, Aint Daisy.  This is nice to have lunch together.”  She nodded and picked up half of her sandwich.  I noticed another plate sitting next to hers.  It had a half sandwich on it, and a bite taken out.  Of course my curiosity was raised, and I asked her about it.  "Clifford and I were married almost 51 years, and I made his lunch every working day since day 1. On occasion I would join him on the job site and have lunch with him. He made the comment once that lunch tasted better when you share it with someone you love.  Soon after that, while fixing his sandwich one night, I took a bite out of it before putting it away in his lunch box. When he got home, he commented that someone took a bite out of his sandwich. I told him that since I couldn't join him for lunch, I took a bite so he knew I was joining him. I continued to do this frequently (unless it was tuna). He always said after that, ‘Saw you joined me for lunch today, and it sure was good.’ So, since he’s been gone to Heaven, I always make an extra half a sandwich and take a bite out of it.  I share my lunch with someone I love.  It’s important.”  ‘More wisdom from The Lady of the Holler.

Here are some interesting, but questionable, messages on product boxes:

Pizza box:  open box before eating pizza  Curling iron box:  use appliance only on hair and no other part of the body Soap pods in a box:  Keep away from children, teenagers, and college fraternity members Child's shirt:  to launder, remove shirt from child. Put shirt to washer in cool water and soap Dish washing liquid soap: bottle may contain slippery, bubbly liquid compound  Package of b-b pellets:  Do NOT eat!!  Non-edible.  Do not swallow or taste.  Label on a shirt:  Wash this when dirty Pet shampoo label:  Remember to close all escape routes well in advance before pet is wet and soapy.   They suddenly get smarter and faster than you. Label on towels:  Can be washed by both men and women On a fold-away bed:  Before folding bed to put away, make sure no one is on the bed. On super glue stick:  Do NOT use as a lip balm.  Shaving cream in a tube:  This is NOT toothpaste.  I repeat---THIS IS NOT TOOTHPASTE  Label on a Southern pecan pie:  Instructions are printed in English.  If you can’t read English, don’t read the instructions. Actual label on a pill bottle:  EVERY NIGHT BEFORE FOOD ONCE DAILY TO BE TAKEN FOUR TIMES A DAY THREE TIMES A DAY EVERY THREE TIMES DAILY TAKE ONE TAKE TWO TAKE THREE ONE OR TWO.  Warning:  follow the printed instructions you have been given with this medicine.

Now, here comes the touching part to this label:  My wonderful daughter had worked in the pharmacy of a facility.  I sent her a message note stating:  “Since you worked in pharmaceuticals” with me thinking she’d see the humor in it.  I got a message in return of, “You need to call your pharmacy and ask for those directions again. VERY CONFUSING!!  I’m thinking it’s---take 1 tab 4 times a day for 1 day...three times a day for 1 day... like that, but call the pharmacy asap!!!!!!!”  Then, she calls me and with great concern says, “Mom, are you all right?  Where did you get this medicine and, oh gods, you haven’t taken any, yet, have you?”  I told her I was writing in my June column and the topic was ‘Actual product labels’, and this was one of them.  I’m so sorry I gave you so much concern.”  Talk about being blessed by a child, she truly does bless me.  

An angel was showing a new angel around the farming sector of Heaven.  There was a barn, a pond, and an outhouse.  He told the new angel, as he pointed to the barn, "We keep the holy cow in here."  Then, he pointed to the pond and said, "We keep the holy mackerel in there."  Then, he pointed to the outhouse and said, "I don't suppose I need to tell you what we keep in there."

I’ve reached an age where my mind says, “Oh, I can do that.”  Then, my body says, “Really?  Try it and you’ll be sorry, and I won’t hold your beer, either.”

While you’re reading this, did you realize this is the oldest you’ve been and the youngest you’ll ever be again?  And did you know that every day you think about history?  Such as:  “I remember when I was a teen and……”, “Just yesterday I was thinking about making a pie.”  “The weather was so unpredictable in March.”  See, each thought about a time before right now is considered HISTORY.  You’re welcome.

Children do not always believe our warnings as parents, especially when shopping.  I have always told my children, “Stay with me, do not stray, tell me if you want to go look at something because I will keep on walking and perhaps leave without you.”  Sure enough, someone didn’t believe me.  As I was exiting the doors, over the loud speaker came, “If Trudy R. is still in the store, please come to the service desk and get your charming child who has eaten ½ a chocolate cake and is very messy.  Please hurry.”  I strolled to the service desk.  My look was ominous, so was the customer service representative’s.

PAREIDOLIA:  Seeing images in objects, such as clouds, cut wood, random tile, etc.  It is a sign of a very imaginative and creative mind.  There are books with pictures of this.  

                                          Peace, comfort, and hugs.  Trudy J

🎕 2022 May FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

 

              🎕⚘🎕        2022 May FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

She was sitting in a chair writing letters in a pile of sand I noticed as I approached her.  I thought it was rather odd for her to be doing that, but I knew there’d be a very good reason for it.  “Hi, Aint Daisy!  You seem to be busy.  Are you thinking of when you were a little girl playing in your sandbox?” I gently questioned.  She just smiled and continued to write words in the sand.  Every now and then she’d look over to some irregular stepping stones placed around the yard.  They, too, had some words written on them.  I waited for her to raise her eyes and smile at me.  I knew she was in deep thought.  “Hello, chile.  I got a little lost in my thoughts.  I hope I didn’t offend you none.”  “Oh no, Aint Daisy.  I doubt you could do that.  May I ask what you were doing?”  She put the stick down, got up….with a little bit of my help…and walked to the porch.  She sat down in her favorite chair and poured some fresh sweet tea into two glasses.  She always had at least two glasses on the tray with the pitcher just in case someone stopped by to chat.  “You asked me what I was doin’.  Well, I’m fixin’ to tell you.  I got a phone call from an angry friend.  Seems I had said something which she didn’t take to.  Even though I apologized---I really don’t remember what I said that upset her---she still said some hurtful things to me, so I started writing in the sand.  I learned a long time ago it helps.”  “I saw you looking at the stepping stones all around the yard, too.  What is written on them?” I quietly asked.  “Oh honey, those are my smiling stones reminding me of kind things.   A long time ago my grandmother told me, ‘Write your hurts in sand; write your blessings in stone.’  So, that’s what I try to do when I need to.”  I had some profound words to think about.  Ahh, more wisdom from the Lady of the Holler.

It had been a very windy day when I went to the library.  This was back in March where the old saying, “In like a lion; out like a lamb” was true.  I was hoping it would be reversed since February had been blustery, but the lion won.  I struggled to open the library door.  Finally inside, I told the desk girls, “It’s times like these that I’m glad I’m fat.  I’m missing my ruby slippers, though.”  And then in April, my area had very strong winds---up to 60 miles per hour.  I had an appointment which I could not cancel.  I had to hold the steering wheel very firmly so the van wouldn’t be pushed here and there by the wind.  I got out and started walking toward the doctor’s office.  Gods, what a chore to try to remain upright with the force of wind against me.  I got in the office safely and greeted the intake gal at the desk.  “I’m so glad I’m fat.  That wind is fierce, and if I were a skinny thing, I’d be greeting an airplane or the woman riding a bicycle with Toto in the basket.  Since the house fell on my sister and the ruby slippers were ruined, I’d be a mess.”  The gal at the desk lost it and started to laugh out loud.  “Girl, you have just made my day with what you said.  Thank you so much for the laugh.”  Little did she know I was sort of serious.

It seems a teacher in Mississippi got fired for choosing the book I NEED A NEW BUTT to read to his class.  I'm sure it would have been compounded had he, also, chosen THE DAY MY FART FOLLOWED ME TO HOCKEY.  I guess whoever decided to fire this teacher has cranial rectal inversion, has let their importance (and other matter) go to their head, and probably has never had flatulence.  Toby Price, who has been teaching for 20 years, said the district superintendent, Delesicia Martin, called him into her office and told him he was being placed on leave. Two days later, Price said, he was accused of breaking the Mississippi Educator Code of Ethics, and fired.  In a letter to Price, the superintendent reportedly called the book “inappropriate”, pointing to references to flatulence and noting that it “described butts in various colors, shapes and sizes (example: fireproof, bullet proof, bomb proof)”.  The Guardian publication March 12, 2022

While eating many slices of round, compressed lunch meat, Albert Einstien was talking about his theory of relativity.  His colleague got bored with Albert’s going on and on.  He said, “You are very smart and full of bologna, Albert.”

Watermelons are called watermelons because they’re planted in the spring.  Think about it.

People who will not admit they’ve been wrong, love themselves more than they love the truth.  Which, in my opinion, goes along with, “Truth is hate to those who hate the truth”.

Brenduh came over with a sandwich.  She sat down at the table with me.  “Hi kiddo.  Would you like some sweet tea to go with your sandwich?”  I asked.  “Yes, I would.  You make the best sweet tea around, Trudy,” she cooed.  I thanked her and poured a large mugs of the nectar from the South.  As she bit into her sandwich, I noticed a lot of bacon.  “I thought you were a vegetarian, Brenduh.  Now you’re eating bacon, which is a meat.”  Brenduh didn’t miss a bite and said, “Well, I still am.  I’m from the South where bacon is a vegetable.”  “But, you won’t eat ham,” I mentioned.  “Nope, that’s meat.”  “Sweetie, bacon and ham are from the same animal,” I mentioned.  “Not in the South and my mind,” she announced.  I then understood the thinking.  She was quiet for a moment then said, “Hey Trudy, you know that saying about ‘April showers bring May flowers’?  Well, it’s raining and it’s not April.” I’d just taken from the oven some biscuits.  So, I offered her some with honey and butter to go along with our tea.  I had trouble controlling my eyes from rolling.

Those of us who have to visit the “petroleum one-arm bandit” cringe just about every time, I’m sure.  I have a friend who has a vehicle which alerts her to various issues with the car.  She was driving when the “voice” said, “Attention!! Fuel is low.  Get some soon.”  She wished she could reply, “Fuel is expensive; please activate the ‘will fill with air’ option.”

I was talking to a friend on a rainy day.  She was complaining about the rain.  I told her, “Well, rain makes the flowers grow, ya know.”  She frowned and said, “It makes the weeds grow, too.”  I told her, “Weeds are unrecognized flowers.  What is a weed to one may be a flower to another.  Think of dandelions in the hand of a child giving them to a favorite person.”

A dear friend messaged me on my phone with indications of wanting to talk at that time.  I had to tell her, “I have to go.  I’m in the middle of being a domestic goddess (o.k., I’m cleaning).  Thank you for the break.  A goddess gets tired at times.”  She said, “You needed that break.  Now go back to being a domestic goddess.”  I thanked her and told her, “The crown is being put back on.”

☂ 2022 April FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

 

         😉 🌞☂🌷 2022 April FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

 

 I walked up the steps of her porch and took a seat.  I knew she’d invite me to “set a spell and chat”; I, also, knew she’d be aware of a “trouble” I was carrying.  “Good afternoon, Chile.  I’m so glad you came for a visit.  It looks like ya got a trouble you’re carryin’ around.  Wanna talk about it?”  “Aint Daisy, I know you know Theresa Marie and all she’s been through.  I, also, know you know she’s a friend of mine.  She was sharing her troubles with me the other day and denying what a good person she is even when I kept telling her.  It pained me to hear her say she didn’t think she was worthy of the good things which have finally come her way and even questioned her level of friendship with others.  I listened, but had a heavy heart when she finished talking.  I told her of the kindnesses she’d shown to others, the wonderful mothering skills she has and used with the many foster children she’s loved unconditionally, cared for, and given security to.  I told her of the solid, true friendship she’s given me, where we just seem to pick up where we left off after not seeing each other for a while, and share some dark secrets knowing they are safe not to be told to another.  I told her, ‘A friend is a gift you give yourself.  It is, also, a reflection of your standards and principles.’  What I said to her surprised her, especially when I gave her examples of her support and kindness to others and me.”  Aint Daisy listened intently, took a breath and spoke.  “Chile, I’ve heard you deny good things said about you and told to you.  You see, sweet girl, there are many times a person cain’t see themselves clearly until they are seen and told through the eyes of others.”  More wisdom from the Lady of the Holler.

Have you ever had a piece of music or sound stuck in your head?  Well, let’s try getting these out of our musical memory:  the shower scene from the original PSYCHO; the nasty old woman riding her bicycle in THE WIZARD OF OZ; BABY SHARK.  Then, Post Malone’s CIRCLES starts to play on the radio.  Gods!!!!  It’s a mental symphony.  You’re welcome.

I was washing my van when Brenduhh came over.  "Hi Trudy.  What are you doing?" she asked.  If she only knew how much I am not a big fan to answering obvious questions.  "Well, the van was dirty, so I decided to wash it," I said trying not to sound annoyed at the obvious.  She walked around the van as thought she was an inspector.  "Well, it looks pretty clean.  Hey, what's that at the windshield?" she asked seeing the silvery sun shield I had spread across it.  "It's a sun shield to keep the sun out of the van," I answered.  "Well, it probably does the job, but how do you see and you drive when it's across the windshield?"  I couldn't answer her question because it was the second obvious results one in less than 10 minutes, and I was still recovering from the first. So, I mentioned, "I have some cold, sweet tea and honey biscuits in the house. Would you like to join me?"

The musician Leo Kottke once said, “The Germans have done for the consonants what the Hawaiians have done for the vowels.”  What does that mean?  Well, you may have seen German words such as kartoffelkuchen (potato cake), tchotchkes/chotskies (insignificant knick knack), zweibach (twice baked), and my favorite---wortspielmacher (word player).  Then there’s Hawaiian with words such aa (a sharp jagged lava rock), aloha, mahalo, humuhumunukunukuāpua‘a (the state fish) and, well, just look at the spelling of the word Hawaii.  The Hawaiian language has five vowels in an alphabet of 13 letters. German? The same as English (more or less).

I came across some interesting trivia via a day-to-day calendar my daughter gave me.  It’s about the Presidents and the nicknames they were given by others.  Here are some:  George Washington: “Mutton Head” by John Adams and “His Pomposity” by Thomas Jefferson.  Little did Adams know he had earned “His Rotundity” due to his ample size.  James Madison was “Short Stack” because he was so short (he was the shortest President at 5’4” and weighed 100 lbs.).  Abraham Lincoln was the tallest President at 6’4”.  Andrew Jackson was called “Caesar of the White House” because he was so dictatorial.  Ulysses S. Grant was called “Useless” S. Grant which reflected his ineptness.  William Taft was “Jumbo Bill” due to his 335 pounds.  Harry Truman was “Dammit Harry” because he said “dammit” so often.  At age 97, Jimmy Carter is also the oldest living president as well as the nation's longest-lived president.  Joe Biden’s presidential campaign spent $10,000 on ice cream; he loves ice cream!!  Franklin D. Roosevelt served 4,422 days as President; William Henry Harrison served 31 days as President.  Both died in office.  Grover Cleveland held the job as hangman at one time.  He was, also, the only President to serve 2 non-consecutive terms.

The phone rang and I tried to get to it forgetting I only had on socks and the floor had just been washed and dried.  My feet when in directions I wasn’t going.  It was like part of me was doing a dance and the other part was pointed toward the phone.  I think the dance was from the 60s or 70s-----known as “The Slide”.  I thought about “The Mashed Potatoes”, but that’s for supper.

Brenduhh came over, again, within a day of the last visit.  She brought the newspaper with her.  “Hi Trudy, I brought the paper over so you could help me with this question which I’ll get a prize if I answer it correctly.  The question is, ‘What’s the past tense of “THINK”?’  I thought and thought and thought and decided the answer is ‘THINKED’.”  “How about a cup of mint tea and a fresh muffin, sweetie?  We have some discussion of verb tenses ahead of us,” I instructed.

Peace, smiles, and good thoughts to you.  Trudy 😀

 

 

 

             🎂🪁 2022 March FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

I stopped by Aint Daisy's to check on her.  She's getting up in years and lives alone.  I'm of the belief that the older generation needs a peek or two throughout the week to make sure they are doing all right.  "Hi, Aint' Daisy!  I just stopped by to see how you are."  She was glad to see me and invited me into her kitchen.  Oh glorious timing on my part; she'd just taken a peach pie out of the oven.  It was cooling on a rack on the table.  "Set yourself down, chile, and I'll cut us some pie.  How're ya doing today?" she chattered.  "Oh just fine.  I do have something to talk over with you and need some wisdom to share with a friend of mine, if you don't mind," I said.  "Okay, tell me what you need to say," she encouraged as she cut two generous pieces of pie and placed on some flowered antique plates.  "Well, one of my friends came to me and said, 'Sometimes I need someone to come to me, hug me, and tell me I'm not as worthless as I think I am.'  That bothered me, Aint Daisy, because I don't think she's worthless at all.  She has so many good qualities.  What can I say to her that might help her?"  Aint Daisy listened intently and squinted her right eye.  That was a signal she was going to say something profound.  "You tell your friend, feeling worthy starts with her believing in herself. No matter what others say to make her feel good, she has to believe her importance and worth, first.  I've felt what she's feeling," was her response.  "Thank you.  I'll be certain to tell her your wise words."  Aint Daisy smiled as she put a dollop of ice cream on the warm pieces of pie.  I took a bite.  Ahhh, sweetness rested on the pallet, but not as sweet as the words of wisdom resting on my ears from the Lady of the Holler.

I’ve lived a long time, come 77 years at the end of this month.  I’ve had to deal with some pretty difficult problems/times during my life.  Later on when they’d subsided, I found those difficult problems/times were disguised as opportunities; opportunities which gave me wisdom and moments to share with another who was “walking” the same path.  Smooth paths do not teach as much as rocky ones.

February 2, 2022, a day which will be remembered for the amount of snow had in the Peoria, IL area.  At my house it was over 12”.  I didn’t take the van out of the garage from Tuesday February 1 until Monday February 7.  My daughter who lives with me and works stayed at my other daughter’s house where there was access to a four-wheel drive SUV and excellent driving skills.  Not many people ventured the highways, and those who did drove slower than a caterpillar moves.  Then along came February 16-17 where another huge amount of snow was presented to us from Mother Nature, who obviously was off her meds.  There was a 50+ pile up of mostly tractor trailers on I-39 at El Paso, IL.  Thank God, no one was hurt, but what a mess.  My daughter had to sleep at work.  Thankfully, she works at a retirement home and there was a spare room.  I have one word for Feb. 2022---Phffft!!

No one is useless in this world who lightens the burden of it for anyone else. -Charles Dickens, novelist (7 Feb 1812-1870)

One week-end my Beloved went to the hospital to visit someone.  He came home telling me it was so easy to find a parking place, and that there weren’t many employees there on Saturdays and Sundays.  I told him, “Yes, I know. The morgue is even worse---it just has a skeleton crew.”  He groaned and told me to go away.  I was concerned about the salt supply in our water softening unit; the yellow light was blinking indicating the salt level was low.  I told Beloved we needed some more bags of salt to fill the unit.  He was pretty tired, but dragged himself out to the garage to go to the store to get some.  He came roaring into the house and yelled, “Dang it, Trute, there are 3 bags of salt out in the garage.  Why are you so worried about the little light blinking?  In fact, I don’t’ think YOUR light is even on!”

Unlike other 4-legged mammals, a kangaroo can’t walk backwards.  “DREAMT” is the only English word that ends in the letters “mt”.  Why is dyslexic so hard to spell?

Now hear this!!!  It is National Peanut Month.  Botanically classified as legumes, peanuts contain properties of both the bean/lentil and tree nuts.  I love honey roasted ones, dry roasted ones, and lightly salted ones.  My sister introduced me to boiled peanuts when I went to visit her in Florida.  That was an interesting eating, but I prefer the dry kind.  When my 3 kids were little, I’d buy roasted-in-the shell by the pound.  They’d sit on our 10’ couch and watch Saturday morning cartoons and eat peanuts.  They seldom took their eyes off the television to shell another morsel; and, it was amusing to see their expressions when they’d finished the 2 pound bag I’d bought.  They were amazed.  Betcha can’t eat just one!  I never could.

Brenduhh came over after going to church.  She knew fresh cinnamon rolls and tea would be waiting.  "Hi Trudy!  Today in church the minister told about Lot and his wife needing to leave a town.  The minister said, ‘God said, “Take your wife and flee.”’  It was an interesting sermon.  I have a question, though.  What happened to the flea, and why would someone want a flea for a pet?"  I heard the whistle of the tea kettle as a signal for me to leave the table before my eyes stuck in the top of my sockets.

Have you ever wondered where NIKE got the idea to name their running shoes “Nike”?  It seems that records of outlawed magic spells for runners were found on fragments of papyrus, such as “Hermes’s wondrous victory charm,” which attempted to invoke the help of this god of speed, Nike, the goddess of victory.  There were tiny sheets of gold with her name written on them inside the sandals.  There is still the Nike logo on athletic shoes and clothing nearly 2,800 years later.  Now you know.

“Jeoparty-trot a word which means:  A quick motion, between running and walking when one, on account of fear or weakness, is not able to run at full-speed.  The term seems to have had its origin from the flights of those who were often obliged to escape from their enemies.”  John Jamieson’s Etymological Dictionary of the Scottish Language, 1808.  I found this on a daily calendar I have.

Did you know there is actually a phobia for the number 13?  It is called---triskaidekaphobia.  It seems that a long time ago, about the early 1700s, thirteen people were seated at a table.  One got up to leave, became very ill, and died.  So, the fear of having 13 seated at a table is a bad omen and created a fear of the number 13.

Please observe March 14 with a piece (or the entire) of pie.  This is because it is official----3.14 is pi (pie) day.  I will be celebrating with cherry and probably lemon meringue.  OHHHH, it will be a Monday, so Perkins Family Restaurant has a free piece of pie with your order.  Lunch will be delicious!!!!

Some things to think about:  Easter Island:  “Why the long face?”  San Juan, Puerto Rico’s gambling boat:  “Come enjoy our pair of dice and a vacation too.”  Psychology department:  “Find out about Pavlov---the name that rings a bell.”  Archeology department:  “Take your career to ruins.”  Geography department:  “Learn where in the world you are before someone tells you where to go.”

I saw where there is a retirement community comprised mostly of arrogant college professors.  It is in Whys, AZ.  There is an Anaconda, Montana, but it’s no where near the Snake River.  Shit Creek, AK is south of Snafu Lake, Yukon.  I can hear the travel plans now, “Well, I think I’ll go up Shit Creek, without my paddles, to Snafu Lake and do a little fishing from the docks.  Don’t think I’ll tell the wife.”  I found Hornytown, NC.  ‘Don’t think I’ll even go there with this.

Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law. -Douglas Hofstadter, professor of cognitive science (b. 15 Feb 1945) Murphy’s First Law: Anything that can go wrong will go wrong. Murphy's Second Law: Nothing is as easy as it looks. Murphy's Third Law: Everything takes longer than you think it will.  Murphy’s Fourth Law:  If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.  Murphy's Fifth Law: If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.

 

Peace and smiles--------------Trudy

 

           💕💖💗💝 2022  February FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

Aint Daisy was shaking some rugs off her porch as I walked up the side walk to her house.  “Well, looky here!  There you are coming to visit.  Let me put these back in the house, and we’ll have some time to talk.  Come on in the house.  It’s chilly out here; I’ll fix some tea.  Oh, do you want a piece of cherry pie to go with it, chile?” she asked chuckling to herself.  I thought, “What a silly question.  I could be full to my gills and still have room for a piece of her pie, especially my favorite cherry,” but I didn’t say it out loud.  “Yes, thank you.  You make the best pie in the county,” I said trying not to choke on my droll of expectation.  The kitchen was bright and cheery as we sat at the table covered with a flowered tablecloth.  “What brings you here, chile?” she questioned.  “Oh not much.  ‘Just wanted to stop by, chat, and make sure you’re all right.  I have a question for you, though,” I slowly said.  “I know a fella who told me recently, ‘I want to break down so badly, but I keep repeating to myself, “you got this”, when I know I really don’t.’  I feel so badly for him, Aint Daisy.  What can I say to him which may help him?”  She listened, took a bite of her pie and a sip of her tea.  There was a longer bit of silence, and then she spoke, “If you have just a small amount of “I got this/that”, then you will eventually have all you need of the situation.  Believe it, because if you doubt it, you will fail and you won’t “have this”.”  More words of wisdom to think about, not only for him, but for me from the Lady of the Holler. 

What greeting do Italians say to a fluffy, Chinese breed of dog’s lunch meal?  “Ciao, Chow-chow chow.”

I always tried to fix a hot breakfast in the winter for my kids when they were going to school.  I overheard one talking to a friend.  The friend asked, "What is your favorite breakfast your mom fixes?"  My child replied, "Oh, she fixes hot lava with butter and two blind lookers."  "What is THAT?" inquired the friend.  "Well, the hot lava is hot grits with lots of butter, and the two blind lookers are cooked eggs with the yolks runny and turned over.  It's delicious!!!" my child said proudly.  There was:  “monkey meal” which is oatmeal with bananas; “jungle meal” which is oatmeal with bananas and peanut butter; and “trees” which is broccoli.  Beets were “blood balls/slices”;  “red hair Hawaiian salad” which is finely shredded carrots with pineapple; and the famous “stink cheese” for Parmesan cheese.  We had names for things which the kids made up.  Not many knew what they meant, but the names were totally logical to us.

Brenduhh came over for a chat with cinnamon rolls and tea I’d just made.  I decided I’d “play” with her.  I asked her, “Kiddo, you’re standing in a barnyard.  There are 2 cows, 2 horses, 3 chickens, and a worm.  How many legs do you have?”  She looked quizzical at me and replied, “Trudy, you know worms don’t have legs!”  I told her, “Good; now how many legs do you have?”  “Give me a piece of paper so I can write down how many legs I have,” she grumbled.  She did her math and came up with 22.  I told her, “That’s the wrong answer.  The correct answer is 2.”  “I don’t know how that can be since two cows have a total of 8, two horses have a total of 8, and three chickens have a total of 6 and all that equals 22,” she announced with some frustration.  “Sweetie, I asked you, how many legs do YOU have?  The answer is 2.  YOU have 2 legs,” I gently said.  She still was a bit confused, so I told her to think about it, and let’s have some tea and cinnamon rolls. 

I saw this and agreed with it.  Now I’m sharing it with you.  When I was a kid I fell from the monkey bars, brushed myself off saying, “I’m o.k.”  Now, I tried to scoop some very frozen ice cream and dislocated my shoulder.  Turned in place to get a towel to dry my hands-----wrenched my back!!! Blew my nose-----farted on the cat and wet my pants! Stretched my arms out-----got a cramp in my solar plexus.  Getting old is NOT for sissies, y’all!!!

For the record, I can run with the best of the winded.; I don’t run with scissors (eliminate the last two words).;  It snowed a lot here in February.  I decided to make some snow angels.  I only got one made; the rest were massacres of the areas around the ONE I made as I tried to get up.;  I wrote a grocery list for my young daughter.  She couldn’t figure out what I’d written.  Ahhhh, script is now a mystery to the young of today.;  Another word for THESAURUS…..book.

ELEPHANTS:  The country with the most: Zaire, 195,000; the country with the fewest:  Vatican City.  (Stop laughing, it’s true!)  Vatican City has .16 (that’s POINT one six) square miles, which is about 108.8 acres.  100 strides (they only shuffle real fast; they don’t run; their stride is 6.6’ apart) and the animal is out of the country.  I researched this, folks!

April will mark the 162^th anniversary of the pony express.  It was started April 3, 1860 lasting only 1½ years.  The Pony Express began traveling between Sacramento, California, and St. Joseph, Missouri.  An unprofitable postal enterprise, the Pony Express helped to win federal support in funding a more economical way to carry mail over land. On October 24, 1861, the Pony Express was officially discontinued.  HA!!!  Thinking about some of the delayed mail I’ve gotten, it never stopped.

“Science is organized knowledge. Wisdom is organized life.” -Immanuel Kant, philosopher (1724-1804)

Have you ever or do you remember the laboratories you were in either in high school, college, or a job?  I do. Daddy was chemistry major at VPI taking all that knowledge to DuPont, before WWII, and to ALCOA when he returned in 1946.  He had a typical scientific mind and way of doing things---everything had a place and there was a logical sequence of doing something.  I, on the other hand, being an impulsive teenager, did things out of sequence and had places for some of my things.  Of course, we somewhat clashed due to our way of thinking.  In fact, he couldn’t bear to look into my room; it was “too unorganized,” he said.  I remember one time after I was an adult, that he needed something from the basement.  He had an old, solid oak classroom shelving unit that had doors on it. It was filled with all sorts of tools and hardware.  He told me what he needed and exactly where it was.  Then, when I went to get it, he said, “And don’t disturb anything else around it.”  There was that “everything has a place” thought process---the scientific, organized knowledge.  I found it, but lingered looking at as much as I could before he called out, “Did you find it?”  Returning to his side with the said tool, I asked, “Daddy, why do you have so much “stuff”?  Some of that is still in the unopened package.”  He said, “Well, if I need it, I’ll have it and won’t have to stop to go to the hardware store to get it.  If I don’t need it, I may in the future.”  There is the wisdom and the organized life.  Daddy didn’t say much, but when he did, you listened and thought---sort of like E.F. Hutton.

Kangaroos can’t walk, elephants can’t jump, cheetahs can’t retract their claws, lions can’t purr, and some people can’t rub their tummy and pat their head simultaneously.  Monkeys can’t recognize themselves in a mirror, but chimpanzees can.  Owls can’t move their eyeballs; they are tubular in shape.

Peace, hugs, and kind thoughts to you.  Trudy