2015 DECEMBER

                                   2015 DECEMBER From My Perspective

Brenduhh came over with some news.  “Trudy, there’s been an owl at my window for the past week hooting.

I've been told that owls are supposed to mean they’re warning you about something.”  Well, don’t hoot back; you might start something.  Is it a horned owl?”I asked trying not to laugh.  “I don’t know, but it might be.  Why?” she glibly asked.  “If it’s a horned owl and there every night, maybe he’s trying to tell you he’s horny.  You know the old saying, ‘Birds of a feather flock together.’  Just be careful about with whom you flock.”  You should have seen the puzzled face and heard the mental wheels turning in her head.

QUIDNUNC-----an inquisitive and gossipy person; so is YENTA, NOSY PARKER, BUTTINSKY.

Brenduhh came over wearing a smug grin.  “Trudy, I have to tell you about my husband.  He was mentioning, ‘You don’t make biscuits like my mother used to do.  You don’t iron my shirts like my mother used to do.  You don’t fold my underclothes like my mother did.  You don’t make cream pie like my mother used to do.’  I thought about all he’d said, looked him in the eye and said, ‘Here’s a little reminder of your mother.’  Then, I smacked him on the face……like she used to do.”

There have been times I’ve had so much to pray about and so often to pray about it, that my knees look like lasagna.  Clap your hands if you can identify.

 There were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an 'A' so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party.  They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying; they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Florida State until early Monday morning.   Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it.  They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final.  The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day.  The guys were excited and relieved.  They studied that night for the exam.  The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points.  Cool, they thought!  Each one, in a separate room, thought this was going to be easy ... then they turned the page.  On the second page was written...“For 95 points:  Which tire? _________”

 This sounds so much like what my beloved did in an advanced geography class he taught.  This one of many times he assigned a written report on something geographical.  Since it was to be done over the Spring break, the kids had a lot of time to do it.  Upon returning to school, he asked for each student's report.  All were turned-in except for one. The student told him in front of the class, "You won't find mine because I was on the beach in Florida and a wave came, ripped it out of my hand, and took it out to sea," she said with a smirk.  Guy smiled and said, "Oh that must have been awful.  Here is what I'm going to do, when you return to that beach in Florida, you'll find your grade written in the sand."

Sometimes there just is not an English word to describe something.  That is why some turn to another language which does it so well.  Here is a German word:  Kummerspeck---excess weight gained from emotional overeating.  Literally, “grief bacon”.

 “Kummer” means grief; “Speck” mean fat.

I am so glad English was my first language.  I can only sympathize with those who have another language as their first and have to learn English.  Of course, there are those who have English as their first language and have difficulty with it.  Here are examples:  COUGH, THROUGH, ROUGH, THOUGH.  None of these words rhyme, but for some weird reason PONY and BOLOGNA do.  I have a daughter who spells phonetically.  PARMESEAN cheese was crossed out 5 times on the grocery list and “STINK CHEESE IN THE GREEN SHAKER THINGY” was written. 

Just realized that I am OCD about eating Reese's pieces....will get a handful and then make sure that I have an even amount of each color before I start eating them.  I’m OCD about M & Ms, too.  I have to have all the “M”s going the same direction or I throw out the “W”s.  And, when my daughter put the PRINGLES she wasn’t going to eat back in the can, she put them up-side down.  I took them out of the can and put them back in the way they should stack.  She said, “Gods, Mom, you have a problem.”  I told her, “Don’t even get me started with a can of pork and beans.”

During a very difficult time this year, I heard many platitudes of advice.  “God never gives you more than He knows you can handle.”  That’s true, but I’m starting to think He has overconfidence in me.  “When a door closes, a window opens.”  Well, what if you are starting to think you live in a cave?  “This too shall pass.”  That’s right, but so does abdominal gas.

A small grandson got lost at the shopping mall.  He approached a uniformed security guard and said, I’ve lost my grandpa!”  The guard asked, “What’s his name?”  “Grandpa,” replied the little fella.  The guard smiled, then asked, “What’s he like?”  The little fella hesitated for a moment and then replied, “Crown Royal whiskey and women with big boobs.”

This is a segue to a true story about my nephew and mother.  My nephew called each of his grandmothers, "Grammie", when he was little.  My mother always had a candy called WHOPPERS on the kitchen counter for him.  One time he got lost in a store and was asked who brought him to the store.  He replied, "Grammie with the whoppers."  Over the intercom came this hesitated, chuckling announcement, "Would Grammie with the whoppers please come get Matt at the check out counter?"  When Mother arrived, the store manager could hardly look her in the eye, let alone talk.

I have a friend who is potty training her 3 year old.  Every day she posts on a social media how many times he’s been successful.  Here is what she said, “Day 3 and Larry has already used the potty! ‘So proud of him...he's really getting the hang of it!”  Here is what I said to her, “How about your husband, has he used the potty and aimed dead-on?? If so, I know you're so proud that he's getting the hang of it.  If he isn’t, maybe you need to post that, too, so it will help him.  LOL”

Wanted: a place to put my head when I'm tired or you're sad. My long hair will help you get calm as you caress it (oh man I really love that). I have brown eyes which are always looking for you and a soul which is thrilled when you walk through the door or greet me outside. I'll keep you warm at night snuggled next to you. I don't eat much and prefer to eat at home with you. Strangers will be welcomed, but watched carefully that they mean no harm. If you have children, oh gods, what a joy they'll be to me. I can keep them entertained for hours while you "do your thing". I'm loyal to a fault, and in my mind, there's nobody like you to me. Treat me the way you'd like to be treated and I'll follow you anywhere; treat me harshly and I'll find something to honk you off, often.  Give me a call. My name is Sparkles.

You know, some gifts you receive throughout your life are not held in your hand; they are held in your heart, mind, and mind’s ears.  “I love you” is at the top of the list of a gift I’ve received from my loved ones and dear friends…even some former students.  “Mom, you’re the best”, said at various times and a few times 13 minutes after I’d been told “You’ve ruined my life!”  “You’re the ONE friend who will listen, understand, and not judge me.  I trust you.”; Their cool, wrinkled, spotted hands slipped into mine when I’d come “home” as I’d sit next to them, and the old grey sweater would be on the back of the settee waiting for me to put it on.  “Tea’s ready, Trutle Bootle,” said Mother; “Toots, you make me laugh all the time,” crooned my Beloved as we had verbally jousted about present or past events.  “I want some ‘fart fellows’ and punkin’ pie,”; “Wow!!!  Blueberry cake, again.”  “Why do you say you love me from the bottom of your heart when it comes from your brain?”  “Gummy” earlobes to nibble; “French fries” to tickle; “vanilla pudding” to gently poke and squeeze; “I’ll love you forever” hugs; “I’m here, Mommee, it’s going to be o.k.”  These are some of the treasures of my mind, heart, and ears.  I know you have many, too.

Writing is thinking on paper. -William Zinsser, writer and editor (7 Oct 1922-2015)

My friend, Tricia, has 3 sons.  One of them called her to tell her she’d forgotten to pick him up after school.  “When you hear the little voice on the other end of the phone...and yeah...he knows you forgot to pick him up.  I could hear the ‘eye rolling’ in his voice,” Tricia said on a social media.  Some of the replies were:  “At least you left him somewhere good for him.”; “It happened to all of us . . . . my little guy was in pre-freakin' school! I'm surprised he EVER forgave me . .  although . . . he does still bring it up! BTW, he's a married adult man now.” and in reply to that statement, “Wasn’t that just last week he was ‘in pre-freakin’ school’?”  “Hey...part of being a parent is being real....you are teaching your children grace by giving them a chance to see that you are not perfect and they get to forgive you.......say you are sorry, bake them cookies, count your blessings that nothing really bad happened and move on......cheers to you and your wonderful family.”  “What chapter is ‘forgetting to pick up a child and how to resolve the wounded’ in the study guide for being a parent? I'm glad he had telephone service and all was fine.”

I’m sure some of you can identify with this.  I can.

Piglet asked, “How do you spell ‘love’, Pooh?  Pooh answered, “You don’t spell it, you feel it.”  :)

If you want to know the difference between a master and a beginner, remember-----the master has failed more times than the beginner has ever tried.

In my 70 years of life I have noticed that so much of society has become so fake that the truth actually bothers some people.  This is a segue to a saying I like a lot----“Truth is hate to those who hate the truth.”

May your Christmas or Winter celebration be filled with smiles, love, laughter, and great memories for now and many years after.  Merry Christmas to you from, Trudy :)