June 2016

                                        2016 June FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

I was sitting in my car just about ready to leave the parking spot when some fool honked at me to get moving faster.  Rats!  Then, I had to just sit there until both of us were dead.

I don’t have wrinkles….I have “wise cracks” because with age comes wisdom.  Being a lady, I don’t sweat, I glisten.  I don’t have hot flashes, I have power surges.  I speak 3 languages fluently….English, Sarcasm, and Mom.  I don’t groan, I purr.  I’m not fat, I’m fluffy….my doctor told me this and so did Gabriel Iglesias.  I’m not all that patient…I just am tired of the drama and senselessness, so I honed my ignoring skills to a fine point.  I like animals, BUT that doesn’t give you the right to expect me to like you and that behavior you’re demonstrating.

Brenduhh came over pretty honked at her hubby.  I asked her what was going on.  She said, “I’ve had it with his attitude and disrespect.  I put most of this “junk” in a suitcase and set it on the porch.  He came home and demanded what was the explanation for it.  I told him, ‘I want you to leave.  I’m tired of your attitude and disrespect.  I hope you are miserable for a long time and your ears hurt constantly.’  He said to me, ‘I already have been miserable for a long time and my ears hurt every time you talk.  So leaving will give me comfort and my ears a rest.’”  I asked her if he was still at the house.  She said, “Yes.  I think he’s a masochist...some people aren’t happy unless they’re miserable and in pain.”

In a little booklet (BITS & PIECES) which was given to me, was this profound statement:  “One moment of patience may ward off a great disaster; one moment of impatience may ruin a whole life.”

A friend of mine came over to talk.  She was upset with her husband.  It seems she doesn’t do much right in his eyes.  “He tells me to change my hairstyle, change the clothes I wear, change my makeup, and change how I cook.  I’m tired of it,” she lamented.  I’d noticed he was never satisfied with her, and she’s a lovely person who is very loyal.  “What did you do or say to him?” I asked.  She told me, “I took a good look in the mirror and liked what I saw.  I fixed a wonderful meal and it tasted very good.  I confronted him and told him I wasn’t going to change; however, he needed to change………….his address and where he keeps all his stuff.  I’m filing for a divorce.”

Most of you know about the washing and drying steps in doing laundry, but did you know about the third step? To be safe to wear, laundry has to be spread out in your living room either on the floor or the couch (I do both because I'm thorough) for several days. Science calls this the "airing" of the laundry and it is vital. Skipping this step results in clothes that are dangerously under-oxygenated. You can also let your laundry breathe in your bed and sleep with it if you feel like it's insecure. This is called attachment laundering. When you put your laundry in drawers and closets straight out of the dryer, you're telling it that you don't care about its feelings. Please, show your laundry some love today. Air it out.

I was riding along with my friend, Frieda.  She has a heavy foot on the gas pedal.  Wouldn’t you know it, a police officer pulled her over.  “Hello m’am.  I’m going to have to write you a citation for speeding.  What is your first name?” he asked.  She replied, “Frieda.”  “Thank you; and what is your last name?” he said.  “My last name is Gomam,” she answered.  “O.K.  Let’s see, you’re Frieda Gomam,” he stated.  And away we went.  The last thing I saw was him shaking his head.

When one of my kids was little they came running to me to tell me something.  “Mom, Daddy hit is finger with a hammer and told me to put my fingers in my ears.  I asked him how it would help him.  He told me, ‘I’ll then be able to say what I need to so I can feel better.’  I don’t understand, Mom.”  I told them, “When Daddy is hurt like that, he speaks a language you don’t need to learn.”  “But Mom, you’ve always told us to study a foreign language.”  I rolled my eyes and said, “Not that one, though.”

Southern Divorce... smile for the day
A  judge was interviewing a South Carolina woman regarding her pending divorce and asks, "What are the grounds for your divorce?"  "About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by."  "No," he said, "I mean what is the foundation of this case?"  "It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar," she responded.  "I mean," he continued, "what are your relations like?"  "I have an aunt and uncle and 12 cousins living here in town, as well as my husband's parents."  The judge took a deep breath and asked, "Do you have a real grudge?"  "No, we have a two-car carport and have never really needed one cuz we don't have a car."  "Please," he tried again, "is there any infidelity in your marriage?"  "Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don't necessarily like the music - all that hip hop and rap tap - but we can't seem to do anything about it."  "Ma'am, does your husband ever beat you up?"  "Yes, he gets up every morning before I do and makes the coffee."  Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, "Lady, why in the world do you want a divorce?”  "Oh, I don't want a divorce," she replied. "I've never wanted a divorce, my husband does. The fool says he can't communicate with me."

Macaroni and cheese is one of the most popular comfort foods; it is at my home.  I’ve made it on top of the stove, in the crock pot, and baked in the oven.  The oven variety seems to be the most popular here.  Maybe it’s because there are crispy edges which many request when I serve it.  I’ve found that crushed CHEEZ ITS drizzled with butter and sprinkled on top 15 minutes before it is finished baking are enhancing to the cheesy flavor.  Sometimes I stir in some of them before I bake it.  I’ve used a mixture of the white cheddar CHEEZ ITS and the golden yellow CHEEZ ITS.  I’ve seen PEPPER JACK ones, too.  That would add some zip to the already delicious comfort food.

The weather is getting warmer, so it is very important to remember to…close your windows before yelling at your kids.

A French man who wears sandals is known as a “Philippe Philoppe”.  A lazy kangaroo baby which sits on the sofa all day is known as a “pouch potato”.

I love bagels and “schmeer” (cream cheese).  Now there is a bagel which you twist and dip the pieces.  Talk about an invitation to play with your food….that is one of them!

My daughter was sitting on her front porch watching the sunrise.  She told, “Sunrise this morning is a rainbow of blues...an ocean in the heavens.”  What a beautiful description of what she watched.  Thank you, m’love.  Until next month……..smiles and blessings!!  TRUDY :)