2016 AUGUST "From My Perspective"

                                   2016 AUGUST “From My Perspective”

I enjoy watching speed and agility racing with dogs.  There is little competition with greyhounds on speed (fastest dogs on the planet!), but on the agility there are many contenders.  Little and medium sized dogs seem to prevail in the agility bracket; however, one entry, in the agility of dogs show I was watching, was an English mastiff.  The owner was so enthusiastic and encouraging to him as he lumbered along at the break neck speed of “I-don’t-give-a-damn”.  When it was all over, he lay down beside her and took a nap.  ‘Made me laugh for a long time.

A synchronous diaphragmatic flutter is the fancy official name for hiccoughs.

I saw a t-shirt the other day.  It was on a person I know is a casual stroller lumbering at an impressive speed of super slow and has obsessive-compulsive issues about constant fishing.  It said, “I’m a fitish (kind of fit, but likes the idea of being fit, but equally likes food), fetish fisher.”  I tried to say it 3 times fast. 

While eating lunch with Brenduhh at a local restaurant, a couple with 4 children sat close to us.  The adults (term used very loosely here) paid no attention to their brood, thus the brood disturbed everyone around them.  Brenduhh called out to the adults, “I won’t be sorry to call animal control on those kids, if you don’t tame them right now!!”  Sometimes that girl has a good idea.

I often tell my children, “I love you to Pluto and back”, because “to the moon and back” is not far enough.  I’ve often wondered what is farther.  Well, I found it and will be using it, because I love them farther and more than they can imagine.  “Farther than Pluto.  Sedna, or 2003 VB12, as it was originally designated, is the most distant object yet found orbiting our Sun. It is three times farther away than Pluto (average distance to the Sun is 5.9 billion km or 3.6 billion miles).”

This is a true happening. "I have a wing chair which needs repaired," said my father to the clerk. "We don't fix chairs with wings because chairs don't fly," sincerely stated the clerk. My father asked if she could chew gum and walk simultaneously. She replied, "I'm not allowed to chew gum at work, and I walk just fine." My father went away shaking his head.  I remembered this story when I read, “I’d like a small strawberry shake, please.”  The order taker replied, “We only have large strawberries, not small ones.  What size do you want for a shake?”

Save us!!!

I’ve been watching the genealogy program, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE of famous people.  They haven’t revealed Vincent van Gogh, but I have a few suggestions.  He has an aunt who is rather dizzy----Ver T. Gogh; a very polite, unsociable uncle---Please Gogh; and a cousin who ate a lot of prunes---Haveta Gogh.

While talking to a friend of mine, he stated, “Ya know, Trudy, having a good heart can put you in some difficult situations.”  I agreed with him, but gave him this to consider, “Those without a good heart are in that situation more often and on a continued basis. They can never feel as good as those with a good heart, hear a sincere ‘Thank you so much’, see a tear of gratitude, feel a hug of appreciation, or walk a little taller knowing they have helped someone live better or smile. So, keep that good old heart YOU have and keep on doing for others.”

I found this encouraging message:  “Give it to God….your bills, your health, your career, and your family.  Every night go to bed empty so you can wake up full….full of hope, peace, and favor.”  I gave my bills to God; however, AMEREN ILLINOIS was not impressed and they promised to turn off my electricity. They said, "Remember, God said, 'Let there be light' and it will happen if you pay your electricity bill."

I have reached an age where my mind says, “I can do that”…but my body says, “Try and die, fat girl.”  This was me when I tried to get up on a chair to kill a spider on the ceiling. My efforts were rejected by my body, and I was introduced to the floor for further thought about that silliness.  Have you ever heard a spider laugh?

Don’t trust everything you see.  Even salt looks like sugar; vodka looks like water; heat waves look like water; and pizza has 5 of the food groups and can be a full-meal deal.

A friend of mine has a 7^th grade boy.  He had shared with her how his teacher, who is pregnant with her first child, incorporated math into her pregnant condition.  The students got to vote on gender and each week they predicted how much the baby weighed and how long using standard and metric measurements. When she asked him if they got to predict and vote on how much weight the teacher gained each week, he laughed and replied, “Really, Mom? I want to actually pass 7th grade.”

Be decisive!  Right or wrong, make a decision.  The road of life is paved with flat squirrels which couldn’t make a decision.

Brenduhh came over upset.  “Trute, I think I’m just gonna die from all this I have to deal with.  I can’t take much more.”  I told her, “I understand.  Just remember, ‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger.’”  She thought for a moment, and then made a profound statement, “I’m thinking about bears…bears will kill you.”  Eyes rolled and my lips were clamped shut.

I saw a sign the other day.  “Free bungee jumps for Congress.  No strings attached.”  YEP!!

It’s thought that the USA is the fattest country.  HA!!!  Mexico has an obesity rate of 32.8 percent. The good ole US of A is a close second with 31.8 percent of the population considered obese.  Wow!!  One whole point.

Ciao/chow and “vaya con Dios” to you this month!  As always, Trudy