2017
January FROM MY PERSPECTIVE
I saw some signs; they made me wonder who decided to have
them printed.
WATER ON ROAD DURING RAIN; WATER WILL BE ICE WHEN VERY COLD;
IN NEED OF DRIVERS AS SKILLED AS VIN DIESEL; seen at the entrance of a pasture,
RESTRICTED!! NO BOATS BEYOND THIS SIGN;
SUICIDAL DEER, GO SLOW; in front of a mortuary CUSTOMER PARKING ONLY; ROAD ENDS IN WATER; a bike trail sign TRAIL
ENDS IN HELL (Michigan has a town named Hell); BE AWARE OF INVISIBILITY; ( at a store in Shitt’s Creek, Alaska) YOU
ARE NOW IN SHITT’S CREEK, WE DO NOT SELL PADDLES.
Brenduhh went to the store and had some car trouble and it
stopped in the middle of the street. She
had gone to High’s grocery store, and then across the street to Lowe’s hardware
store. She called me and asked me to
come get her. I asked her where she
was. She replied, “I’m in between High’s
and Lowe’s. That’s Brenduhh!
There’s a town in Illinois named DOWNS. I wonder if UPS goes to DOWNS.
I really like Winter better than Summer. I can always get warm, but can’t always get
cool. I love to bake in my kitchen, but
not outside. I can heat up the kitchen
and it will feel good. Soup is one of my
favorite meals, but not in the Summer.
With my layered clothing, my fat body is somewhat not as
noticeable. I don’t have to shave my
legs. The bugs have returned to Hell
where they belong.
Whenever I see “ROFL”, I hear Scooby Doo trying to say,
“Waffle.” I know, now you’ll try it
sounding like Scooby, and it’ll get stuck in your head for the day, and you’ll
laugh or chuckle and feel good. You’re
welcome.
At 71, almost 72, I sometimes think about my funeral. No, I’m not being morose; I’m being practical
because I know I probably don’t have 25 years more like I did when I was
50. I want a closed casket funeral. Towards the end of the service, I want the
organist to play “Pop Goes the Weasel” over and over until everyone in attendance
is staring at my coffin with silent, horrified anticipation. Then, I want “The Hokey Pokey” played a few
times to see who will follow the directions.
Teachers never die; they just wait for directions to be followed.
My Plenty to Love friend came over all honked about not
being able to return something at Walmart because they said she’d ordered it
from on-line and had it delivered to her house.
I tried to soothe her irritation to no avail. Finally, I gently said, “This is a case of
‘poop happens kind of situation”, honey.
She grinned, finally, and said, “Yep.
As you can see by my size, I’ve had a lot of fertilizer dumped on
me.” We laughed.
“Nothing so completely baffles one who is full of trick and
duplicity himself, than straight forward and simple integrity in another.” Charles C. Colton
A dear friend of mine works as the office manager for a
tombstone monument and grave maintenance business. She was asked to develop a catchy phrase for
the business. She came up with, “Our
business keeps you grounded” or “Ground coverage….top to bottom”.
When I was a teen my mother would cross her legs when she sneezed
or coughed. I’d laugh. I no longer find that funny.
I saw this on Facebook.
It is one of the most refreshing things I’ve read. “People
who make you feel better about yourself when you’re sad are so important. Nothing is more attractive than a confident
person who doesn’t pretend to be something they’re not. Beautiful has nothing to do with looks. It’s how you are as a person and how you make
other feel about themselves. The beauty
of life doesn’t depend on how happy you are, but on how happy others can be
because of you. Love more and care
more. We may enjoy physical things, but
they don’t satisfy the soul quite like love and care does. I am actually extremely grateful that some
things didn’t work out the way I once wanted them to.”
Brenduhh came over for tea.
She was chuckling as we sipped our drinks. I asked her what was so funny. She shared, “Well, I got baptized in church
yesterday. I put an ALKA-SELTZER in my
mouth, and then the water got put on my head.
I pretended to be possessed by the evil spirits.” The visual was just too much causing me to
choke on my tea and double over in laughter.
I can’t look at Alka-seltzer now without laughing.
I keep my extra fat for possible
self-protection purposes. I'm least likely to get kidnapped; if I fall, I will
bounce and not break a bone; should a perpetrator need to be stopped, I'll sit
on them so they can't move and wait for the police; I can protect the
refrigerator with my food investments from teenagers who have no discretion, by
standing in front of the fridge door.
I think names are
interesting. Some are very common, but
some are unusual. These unusual names
make me wonder what the parents were thinking:
Yule Fokker; Al Dente; twins Cherrie and Goldon Pancake; Claude Ball; Hoda
Harre; entertainer Don Ho’s daughter, Heidi Ho; Owen Hell; Rosy Yass; Zowie
Bowie.
The family wanted an omelet for a
meal. I got out 8 eggs, some tiny cubes
of ham, and some sharp cheese. Bacon
grease into the cast iron skillet, beat the eggs and poured into hot greased
skillet, put the ham and cheese on top, put the lid on the skillet for 3
minutes, flipped the whole thing over.
We’re having scrambled eggs with ham and cheese, instead.
A Facebook male friend proudly announced
this: “Work, run, eat, gym, eat,
work.” I responded with, “You and about
1.8 billion others, Except for bears. They just run, walk, amble, eat, chase
eating things, and nap. Oh and fart. ”
Well, the banter began. He boasted,
“I’ve done all that before 3 PM, my time (he lives in Europe). My reply, “Well, whoop T doo to you!” He said, “I'll try and fit the Bears routine
in this afternoon, sounds leisurely.” I
reminded him, “Don't forget the berries. They love the berries…..nibble,
nibble.”
I just read this:
“You can’t change someone who doesn’t see an issue with their
actions.” WOW!!
Don't let the
homophones fool you - carats are how precious stones are measured. Karats
refer to the weight of gold; a caret is a common proofreading mark; and carrots,
well...ask Bugs Bunny.
A friend of mine has
a 5 year old who comes up with some pretty funny information. Here is one:
Kelli: “Stop running or you’ll
fall!” Conner: “Mom!! My shoes are out of control; help me
stop them!”
I’m pretty sure you are aware that everything costs something. Everything has a currency; everything has a value. Some things have a currency of money; some things have a currency of work and effort; and some things have a currency of time. Love’s currency----time, caring, and sometimes work. “You can give without loving, but you can not love without giving.”
A man is like a fraction whose numerator is what he is and
whose denominator (number on the bottom) is what he thinks of himself. The
larger the denominator, the smaller the fraction. -Leo Tolstoy, novelist and
philosopher (9 Sep 1828-1910)
Did you know that every single day of your life you do
something nice for someone else? If you
are loved and/or liked…..you live. If
you’re not liked or loved, you live which causes the disliker’s blood pressure
to alternate reminding them, they are living.
‘Betcha never thought of it that way, huh?
Blessings and smiles to you………….Trudy J
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