🎄 2020 December FROM MY PERSPECTIVE 🎄

DECEMBER, the twelfth month of the year, but it’s really the tenth if you understand the beginning of it.  DEC means ten, just as NOVE means nine, OCTO means eight, and SEPT means seven.  Two rulers decided they needed to be remembered.  So, they took days from other months and made July and August (Julius Caesar and Agustus Caesar).  What would your month be called?

A friend of mine tells me of what her husband did one Friday night.  He arrived home later than usual after an evening with his buddies.  He’d evidently had a bit too much to drink.  My friend met him at the door with a broom in hand.  He slurred, “Hi there, sweet pea.  Are you sweeping the floor or flying somewhere?”  She told me he stayed home in bed for two days.

My friend, JoEllen, told of this happening to her.  “Well, this was a crossroad:  the young man in front of me at the gas station was purchasing a bottle of vodka and a pack of condoms. He was carded. 1998.  I chuckled for a second. “Oh to be 22..”.  But then, the mom (of three girls) in me was like, ‘what the hell are you planning, punk?’”

Aint Daisy was in her kitchen fixing delicious rolls and pies.  She invited me in to “set a spell” and chat.  She saw I was a bit perturbed and asked what was bothering me.  “Oh, I just had an encounter of words with someone I thought was really kind and caring.  It surprised me what she said, and it hurt, too.”  “Well, do you know all there is to know about her past?” questioned the wise one.  “She was a lonely child, ignored by her parents, picked on and smacked around by her siblings, and didn’t have many friends.  Then she met her former husband.  He seemed just right for a while, then he started hurting her, too, with words and hitting.  So, the words which came out of her mouth, which she may not have been able to stop, are the history of her hurts.  Meanness don’t jes’ happen overnight, chile; and ‘sticks and stones will break my bones, but words will never hurt me’ is not true.  Words, kind and mean ones said to you, are with you forever.”  I learned one more thing that day.

It seems that now days, the cars have such bright headlights that the driver is trying to see into the future or read the thoughts in my brain.  Talk about Manfred Mann’s “Blinded By the Light” song hitting home, driving at night anymore is it.

At 75 there isn’t much I want or need in the way of Christmas gifts.  I really have all material things I need and plenty of what I want.  So, when my sweet children ask me what they can give me for a gift for Christmas, I tell them, “M’love, you can’t give me what I truly want because they are in Heaven.  What you can give is:  continued success in all your endeavors, continued love for those who love you, continued acceptance at me slowing down, continue to make me proud you are my child, continued kindness to those who might irritate you, and continued laughter at life’s dilemmas and tweaks.  And, for what I can hold in my hand……well, MOUNDS is my favorite candy.”

I was making stained glass cookies using very thinly sliced gumdrops for the “glass”.  Brenduhh came over and saw them on the paper cooling.  She asked what they were.  I told her, “Stained glass cookies.”  She became concerned and asked, “That’s really dangerous, Trudy.  Aren’t you afraid people will cut their mouth on the stained glass?”  You know how you roll your eyes sometimes and hope they don’t get stuck?  Well, hello eye rolling.” 

Four birds were sitting on wire.  One says, “CHEEP.”  The one next to it says, “OH great.  Now that’s stuck in my head all day!”  I can relate.  Child said, “Mom, see? A baby shark.”  Gods all day long!

There was a lamp found at a thrift store with the clean, glass base filled with popcorn.  I could imagine the newspaper headlines saying, “SMALL ELECTRICAL LAMP CATCHES FIRE.  Fire department requests butter.”

A little town, Downs, IL, was having troubles with the parcel post organization cooperating with deliveries there.  You might say, “It had UPS in Downs from time to time.”

Everyone has a secret or 2 about themselves.  I eat peas with a spoon; slucking long spaghetti is fun; I think spiders are interesting to watch---outside; I shower naked; I’m very quiet at home; I loved teaching others and still do.

I asked someone how much more time the job they were doing would take.  They replied, “It’s almost finished.”  That didn’t give me a time amount because “ALMOST” is difficult to measure.  “A BIT” is another ambiguous, immeasurable amount to me.  I can measure “a skosh”, “a pinch”, or “a smidgen”, but not “ALMOST”.

Aint Daisy’s living room was all a glitter with garlands on the mantel and a beautifully decorated tree filled with twinkling lights (my favorite).  “Oh Aint Daisy, what a lovely tree you have,” I exclaimed.  She smiled and told me to sit a spell, and she’d tell me a story of the tree.  “You see the shape of that tree, chile?  Well, those are God’s trees more than any other.  It has 3 points on it representing The Father, The Son, and The Holy Ghost.  These trees are decorated at this time of the year to honor the Holy Trinity and a pretty gift for the new born savior.  I put twinkling lights on mine so others’ attention will be drawn to it.”  Once again, wise words from a beautiful soul. 

Oxymorons are one of my favorite rhetorical figure of speech in the English language.  The word means, “Contradiction in terms”.  I’ve found some more:  found missing; open secret; small crowd; fully empty; pretty ugly; original copy; only choice.  The best at this time is----SOCIAL DISTANCING.

When my two grandchildren, whom we had adopted, were very young, we had gone to my son’s home for Christmas family celebration and dinner.  The daylight was short as it always is in December around here.  We thought it would be best to leave their home around 5 to return home.  Here is the account of the highlight of the drive home.  Amara, our greyhound, was very glad to see us.  She ran circles around us and in the yard only stopping for a bit to relieve herself.  We were all in bed by 8:30.  It had been a tense drive home due to the fog.  Just after the Marshall County game reserve, 3 deer were in the road licking at the salt residue.  I slowed down, blew my horn a lot, and off they went.  The truck behind me flashed his lights.  I don’t know if it was for “thank you” or something else, but since I was the leader, I got to choose what to do.  I uttered, “Good Lord!”  Guy responded with “Yes?”  I let him know I really wasn’t talking to him, but was glad he was alert to help me with the “deer drive”.  The dash board has his hand print on it for some reason.  Stephen & Tara, in the back seats, asked why I blew my horn.  I told them about the deer.  They, of course, wanted me to turn around and go back so they could see them.  I told them I’d get out the “D” encyclopedia and they could look at the pictures.

Did you know it’s o.k. to be o.k. in Okay, OK?  Yep, there really is a town named “Okay” in Oklahoma.  It’s a town of 620 people located along the east bank of the Verdigris River in Wagoner County, Oklahoma.  It’s only 529 acres big.  Vatican City is 100 acres big; Monaco is 499 acres big.

May your Christmas, or Hanukkah, or Kwanza be blessed with love and laughter.  Trudy

2020 November FROM MY PERSPECITVE

 

                                    2020 November FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

It will be Veteran’s Day on the 11^th.  We owe a debt of gratitude to those who fought for our continued freedom and rights.  You may not agree with me; however, I am the daughter of a father who at 26 commanded a ship in the gulf of Iwo Jima during a fierce battle to overcome that little island and its occupation of what was the enemy, at that time, to the United States of America.  My Daddy was a kind, gentle, Southern gentleman who had high standards and did not waver from them.  I met some his crew in 2001 when I attended a reunion of his shipmates.  Every one of them told me of their admiration of my father---“He was tough, but he was fair.”  “He’d stand watch with us on the tower and help us if we needed it.”  “In the midst of battle he stayed calm and kept up the morale.”  “We went through hell, but he brought us home safely.”  “He was a hero to many of us.”  Those words have stayed with me all these years.  Daddy never talked about the war or his experiences.  He’d seen and engaged in enough danger and action.  It was only when I met his crew did I learn more about this man.

To all those who have or are fighting for our continued freedom, I dedicate these words and thoughts by Raymond Chandler of what a hero is.

“Down these mean streets a man must go who is not himself mean, who is neither tarnished nor afraid. He is the hero; he is everything.”  I am adding:  “Down these mean streets/seas/airs…..”

Negativity and positivity use the same amount of energy.  The difference is that one will drain you and the other will fill you up.  It takes 7 good shuffles to thoroughly shuffle 52 cards. 

Faces are interesting.  They tell a lot if you look closely.  The lines are gifts of emotion---you cared, you laughed, you cried, you loved, and so on.  In fact, they show all the emotions in one crease or another.  Even your thoughts are revealed on your face.  “The fingers of your thoughts are molding your face ceaselessly.”  Charles Reznikoff, poet, 31 August 1894-1976.

Aint Daisy was on her porch rocking and sipping lemonade.  “Hi, Aint Daisy, how are you today?” said the little neighbor named Beth.  Aint Daisy told her she was fine and to come sit a spell to keep her company.  Aint Daisy knew Beth had lost her daddy just about a month ago.  They had a good relationship, took walks together, and sang silly songs under the big oak tree in their yard.  “I miss my Daddy so much, Aint Daisy.  I just feel so alone, even when relatives and friends come over,” Beth sadly said.  Aint Daisy sat as Beth spilled her memories to the kind, listening ear.  “Beth, would you go get me a twig, please?” asked the wise woman.  Beth found one and took it to her.  “Now, see if you can break it.”  She snapped the twig into 2 pieces.  “Now, go get me about 15, please.”  Beth wondered out loud why, but gathered 15 twigs and presented them to Aint Daisy.  “Put them all together straight up with one of the pieces of the one you broke in the middle, sweetie,” urged the kind soul.  “Now break the whole bundle like you did the single one.”  Beth tried and tried, but was not successful.  “I’ll tell you why they didn’t break all around the piece of the single one you brought me.  The piece you broke is you.  When you’re alone, all the forces can break you; but, when you are surrounded by your family and friends, they protect you and keep you strong.”  Beth smiled and nodded.  She understood the wise, old Aint Daisy.

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped on.  I can't afford one, so I'm wearing my garage door opener.  Now everyone thinks I'm cool, too.   I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!  I was thinking about old age and decided that it is when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it.  I thought about making a fitness movie for folks my age and call it, "Pumping Rust"; it would make Jack LaLane sick.  I see some have gotten that dreaded furniture disease....that's when your chest is falling into your drawers!  You know when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?"  Just once I want to say, "No, it's my third bathroom!" 

A friend of mine said, "It's weird being the same age as old people."  I laughed and told her, "Age is a matter of mind. If you don't mind, you are any age you choose. Presently, I'm 28 with the mind of a 75 year old, and the body of a very large Twinkie.”

I have found that most politicians are truth slayers.  They don’t walk the talk they said they would.

It’s that time of year when other women look cute in their flannel shirts, and I look like I’ve misplaced my axe.  It wouldn’t be so bad if I wasn’t referred to as “Babe”.

Brenduhh called me to come over and help her with something.  “Would you open this for me, please Trudy?  I’ve been trying for 15 minutes and can’t.”  I took the large envelope off the porch floor and zipped it open, then handed it to her.  “What was so difficult about that, kiddo?” I questioned.  “Well, look on the front of the envelope.  It says, ‘DO NOT BEND’.  How am I supposed to open it if I can’t bend over to pick it up from my porch?”  I asked her if she needed anymore help with her mail.

Sometimes the thinking process of a young adult is confusing to a vintage person’s thinking.  Case in point:  My daughter had put away the groceries.  She was in her room with the door closed when I called to her from the kitchen much later, “Where did you put the chicken breasts I bought?”  She cracked the door of her room which was down the hall and around the corner of the kitchen.  She called out, “Look in the garage refrigerator.  Don’t talk to me now, I’m naked!!”  Somehow I think she thought I had super powers enabling me to look through walls and doors and around corners.  Sheee-rah Queen of some powers at your service.

My Beloved knew an ex-con who was sitting at a bar telling all his woes and downing one glass of suds after another.   He said, “I’ve been a police officer, MEG agent, railroad detective, incarcerated thief, and now I’m an alcoholic.”  The bartender, tired of listening to his lamenting said, “Well, you might say you’ve seen both sides of the bars.”

I went to college in West Virginia; met my first husband there,---a local fella--- and married him.  I learned a lot there from the people, the community, and land.  It was a culture shock to this gal from bustling Pittsburgh, but it was rewarding and enriching.  I learned to can vegetables, ate wild game (I'd never eaten before in my whole life), and remember the first meal I ever ate at my in-laws’ came from their huge garden and the end of a gun---even the butter was made right there by Bessie's contribution.  I learned a new vocabulary---a dirt and gravel road winding through two hills was a "holler", "warshing" clothes in a wringer washer got "wrenched" in a separate tub, a closet was a "press", and "right cheer" meant immediately next to you.  There are lots more things I learned, and I carry them in my heart and memories every day.  The memories and teachings are still with me of a beautiful state where the hills are alive with the sound of music from fiddles, banjos, and heartfelt singing of those singing on a porch up a holler.

A friend of mine came home from work tired and hungry.  When he got into the house he smelled a freshly baked cake.  He looked all over for the cake only to discover his wife had scented wax cubes burning called BIRTHDAY CAKE.  

While sitting on the deck, my daughter and I were watching a flock of birds turning left then quickly right, then swooping down and immediately back up.  We both wondered, “What about those birds which have ADD or are directionally challenged?”  We couldn’t stop laughing.

There have been some burglaries in my surrounding area.  I mentioned to a friend they could put some signs on their doors and windows.  The signs are:  “Before you break into my house, get right with Jesus because you’re going to meet him if you do.”  or “A retired special forces sniper lives here.  Guess where I am.” 

Peace, smiles, good thoughts, and thankfulness until next month……………….Trudy 😀

2020 October FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

 

 2020 October FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

I’ve been thinking about some things.  If you’re cleaning out a vacuum cleaner of the debris aren’t you a vacuum cleaner cleaner, or if you’re in space doing it, would you be considered a vacuum vacuum cleaner cleaner?  What about when you light a lighter; aren’t you then a lighter lighter?  And, should you be standing next to an elephant comparing weight differences and doing the same thing, aren’t you really a lighter lighter lighter?  What if your last name is Turner and you develop a kitchen tool for flipping over pancakes, are you a Turner turner?  What about saying, “Hello” to a woman’s garment-----you address a dress.  Could a man who lives a cloistered life in a monastery slicing potatoes very thin and frying them be called a chip monk?

I taught at a school which had 3 of the 4 seasons on its faculty---Ms. Summer, Mrs. Phal, and Miss Winter.  Mr. Spring was on break, I guess.

When our dear greyhound, Tuxedo, was alive, he’d get ornery.  One day he picked up some of the children’s soft toys and put them in his crate trying to adopt them as his own.  I never thought he’d do this, though.  I have many dictionaries, all of different sizes.  This particular one was setting on a chair next to me.  Tux quietly came over and picked it up with his mouth.  I called for him to drop it, but he kept on walking.  I got up and retrieved the dictionary.  Yep, one might say I took the words right out of his mouth.

Do you know the difference between God and a doctor?  God knows he’s not a doctor.  I told this to my chiropractor as he was adjusting my back.  ‘Guess I’m a bit brave, too, because he cracked up laughing.

I called to Aint Daisy through the screen door.  She answered and told me to come on in and to the kitchen.  She was making bread.  She makes the best bread in town, but it's not an every day or week happening.  Her eyebrows were knitted together, and I could tell she was tense.  “I see you're making your delicious bread, but I, also, see you're a bit on the irritated side.  What is the matter, if I may ask?”  She was quiet and continued to smack and punch the dough.  “Oh, I got a bit upset with one of my grandchildren and their behavior.  Before I could correct them, they took off down the holler.”  “O.K.  So, why are you being rough on the bread dough?” I questioned.  It was then she smiled and a twinkle came to her eye.  “Oh, chile, I find it's better to be strongly physical with bread dough than the bottom of a child.  All my frustration is put into the kneading and punching of the bread dough.  I'm usually calm by the time I've finished that stage of making bread.  Besides, the outcome is much better and tasty for others, I'd say.”

Those who wish to sing always find a song.  Swedish proverb

Brenduhh came over to tell me she’d received a note from a friend to watch a video attached; that it was amusing and interesting.  She did and all that was there was a dog drinking water, then it flopped down beside the bowl.  “Trudy, there was no amusement with this video.  In fact, I’m wondering who watches it and finds it amusing and interesting.  It says thousands of people have watched it.  Gods!!!”  I told her that people who did were probably bored and found very simple things amusing. You watched it, didn’t you?” I asked.  “Well, yes, but I was told to,” she spouted.  “And, I have seen you watch paint dry, clap your hands, and smile, Brenduhh,” was my poignant response.

It’s a known fact that most of us have had to deal with a know-it-all.  I came across this helpful information and will share it.  Here is the insight by Madisyn Taylor:  People (who)are know-it-alls are simply stuck in a pattern and may actually have feelings of low self worth                                                                                                                                                             Most of us have encountered a person in our lives who can accurately be referred to as a know-it-all. This person seems to know everything about anything that gets brought up and tends to dominate the conversation. They don't take well to being questioned, and they have a hard time ever admitting that they were wrong.   Being around a know-it-all is inevitably tiring because there is no shared energy between the two of you. Rather, you become an audience member to this person's need to be the center of attention. Attention and respect are probably the two things this person most longs for, and at some point in their lives, they learned that knowing it all was the way to get those needs met. Over time, they have become stuck in this pattern, regardless of the fact that it is no longer working. They may feel afraid of the experience of listening, being receptive, or learning something new, because it's so unfamiliar.  On the one hand, when we see the childlike need underneath the know-it-all's mask of confidence, we feel compassion for the person, and we may tolerate their one-sided approach to conversation out of a desire not to hurt their feelings. On the other hand, we may be feeling drained and tempted to avoid this person altogether. In the middle of these two possible ways of feeling, we may actually like this person and wish for a closer relationship. If we come from a place of kindness, we might attempt to bridge the gap that this person's habitual way of relating creates. Simply expressing a desire to be closer may open their heart, and give you a chance to ask for what you need in the relationship--a chance to contribute.

I had someone ask me, "Have you ever thought: 'I’m fat. I’m old. I’m not enough. I was young once.'?"  My response was, "Nope. I think, I'm fluffy and more to love; I'm seasoned and enriched; I'm not enough for some and too much for others; I was young once as were others who have been blessed with age; I don't have grey hair, I have silver because I'm expensive."

Each of us has had daunting moments of unhappiness/feeling all alone/feeling unloved or unwanted. Sometimes those moments are extended to time frames we’d like to get away from. An animal shelter is about the best place to be when you have or have had those times. There is unconditional love and acceptance there. In fact, you can just sit and do nothing and a warm body will come and reassure you with a nudge, snuggle, wet nose, or paw on your arm or leg that life will be better, even if it's just for that moment. Nothing is expected of you, but plenty is given to you. Peace my friend, a peace you weren’t expecting.

A single strand of spaghetti is called spaghetto.  I didn't know this, but then, again, who eats a single strand of spaghetti?   “Not I,” said the spaghetti slucker.

Shadow owes its birth to light. -John Gay, poet and dramatist (30 Jun 1685-1732)

Did you know the subject of proctologist is above podiatrist in the phone book?  How interesting the placement of the two.  Sometimes I’ve wondered how the T-rex or a dugong ever showed enthusiasm, joy, or appreciation to something or played along to the song, “If You’re Happy and You Know It”.  What hand does a mother octopus spank its young with?  Why can you have red body wash, but the bubbles are white?  What’s a synonym for synonym?  If Snoop Dogg and Willie Nelson got together for a chat, the audience would get buzzed on the air they exhaled.  When applying for a job at Hooters, are you given a bra and they say, “Here, fill this out.”?

On Sundays, one of the radio stations in Peoria, IL plays an oldies music program hosted by Casey Kasem, a music historian and disc jockey who passed away in 2014.  I always listen to it.  With many songs, the memories flood my mind bringing a smile, or tear, or both at the same time.  Music helps one to remember and relive so much.

“Only God can turn a MESS into a message, a TEST into a testimony, a TRIal into triumph, a VICTum into victory.  God is GOOD all the time.”  Thank you, Melodie, for posting this a while back.

Until next month, may you have peace, if even for a moment, and a smile with good thoughts.  Trudy

2020 September FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

 

                                2020 September FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

 

I was talking to a dear friend.  She always brings out the silliness in me making us both laugh very hard.  At our ages it can be a problem due to misplaced “tears”.  Sure enough, we started laughing uncontrollably.  When I caught my breath to speak I told her, “Sweetie, I’m going to have to hang up the phone.  The Depends I’m wearing is for light emissions; I’m passed that,” which ensued another round of hysterical laughing.

I’ve read that laughter is the safety valve of the heart.  With certain friends and people I interact with, I won’t be seeing a cardiologist anytime soon.

I’m sure most of you have had to deal with “eye rolling”.  That subtle, non-verbal “Oh here she/he goes again; I’m trapped having to listen to her/him; they don’t know what they’re talking about as they yabber on,” statement/thought process.  Well, if there ever is a sensor for detecting it behind one’s back, I’m screwed.

Aint Daisy had a little fella visiting her when I arrived.  He was sitting next to her on her flowered, overstuffed couch wiping away some tears.  I saw a fresh Band-aid on his knee.  “Aww, what happened, sweetie?” I inquired.  He sniffled and told me he’d fallen on the sidewalk when he’d come to see and keep Aint Daisy company.  He pays her a welcomed visit about every day.  Most of the little children in the area know her, enjoy visiting her often, and always know she’ll have a piece of pie or baked cookie ready for them.  She is always glad to see them and makes them feel special.  I mentioned the Band-aid, calling it a badge of courage.  He smiled and said, “It’s not a badge, yet.  I’m waiting for Aint Daisy to make it that way.”  Aint Daisy took out a marker and put a smiley face and star on the Band-aid.  “Now, I have a badge of courage, and I feel so much better,” he announced.  He got off the couch to go swing on the swing in the big oak tree a bit passed the front porch.  Aint Daisy watched him and said, “I guess it’s the little things that make things better.”  I agreed and told her, “Yes, and sometimes they have two legs.”

Homer the Greek: “The man who acts the least, disrupts the most.”  Boy, is that ever true.  I’d been in the deepest throes of dealing with dawdling children; a whining, hungry dog who wanted to go outside; the clock was ticking because it was about time to leave for school; and cooking a good breakfast.   SOMEONE just sat and watched.  The irritation was overwhelming, and I found the lack of action grounds for a “discussion.”  “I am just sitting here not doing anything!” he said, which was the lead-in for the encounter.  “ABSOLUTELY!! And that is what honks me off,” I fired back.  “I didn’t want to get in the way,” he feebly responds.  “That, also, honks me off!” I fire back.  “I can’t win,” he sighed.  “You’re catching on real quickly,” sending another “round” of ammunition.  Only in the wild does the lack of movement protect the animal from attack.

I know someone who works in a fiber factory.  They told me the crew asked the owner for a raise.  The owner, after they stopped laughing, told them not at this time, and for them to get back to work.  The angry crew all said, “Knot going to happen.  There’s knot a thread of hope until we get our raise, so don’t string us along.”

When my kids were little, I would introduce different veggies for them to eat.  The rule in my home was: "Eat just one bite, that's all which is required." I made sure I didn't serve veggies which usually are rejected at young ages. We, also, grew some of our veggies and that, too, was an incentive until one had a bright idea to give names to the different veggies. Then, "I can't eat Tom; I can't eat Korrin; I can't eat Barbie.  I’ll be hurting her/him," was announced.

I have a friend who is a librarian.  She posted a message on their announcement page which told the patrons thinking that to kill the corona virus will work by microwaving the book is a big mistake.  She said, “If the book has a magnetic sensor in it, it will fry the book and destroy your microwave.”  I asked her, “What about cook books?”  I haven’t heard from her, yet.

Daddy had often told me to have good character and not tarnish the family name.  I started thinking recently about what good character is.  I was reading a book, PEARLS OF WISDOM, written by Doro Bush Koch (daughter of President George H.W. and Barbara Bush).  Mrs. Bush stated, “Good character is telling the truth, knowing the difference between right and wrong, tolerance and intolerance, having the moral filter to pick the right way.”  When I read that, I started thinking of other things which demonstrate good character:  treating others the way you want to be treated, showing respect, being kind even when you want to be difficult, laughing at yourself, giving thanks for your blessings and trials (trials build strength), don’t whine---everyone has tough moments in life, and helping yourself when it would be easier to ask someone else.  Bad character------well, it’s just the opposite.

In Illinois the DMV has extended the renewal of licenses and license stickers to October.  However, some have not gotten the message and are forming lines at the facility I go to.  The forward movement of the line reminded me of the grade school cake walk; there was, also, a picture of a sloth at the window.  How appropriate.  This creature moves so slowly, mold and mildew form on its coat.  I checked my arms.

I went grocery shopping last week.  I got a box of Cherrios and some other cereal.  When I got home, I started putting the items away.  I put the box of Cherrios on the counter.  Later when I was busy being Dolly Domestic, one of the kids asked if there was anything to snack on.  I told them there was a box of giant Cherrios on the counter in the kitchen.  The found them and called to me, “Mom, these aren’t giant Cherrios----they are glazed donuts!!”  Man, I hate it when that happens.

It was a very hot, sultry day in central Illinois---almost like central Florida weather.  The humidity was so thick it hung in the air like a lace curtain.

I didn’t accept a friend’s request on Facebook from Capt. Morgan.  He wanted to go on a 3-hour cruise.  You know how that turned out.  General Mills asked me to be his friend on Facebook.  NOPE, he’s a cereal killer.  Chef Alpo wanted me to try his meatloaf.  Yuck!!!  It tasted like dog food.  Don’t believe you’ll, Win Dixie.  Ha!!  They’ll start a war. 

Brenduhh came over all excited.  “Trudy, I had to replace one of the tires on my car, and I’ll be prosperous and happy for 365 days.   The salesman told me it’ll be a Good Year.  I can’t wait to see what happens.”  I didn’t want to deflate her joy, so I kept quiet.

Names I’ve found:  Beau Zoh---president of a clown school; Wendy Dae---meterologist for a Chicago weather station; Greg E. Lectrick----his mom called him “Sparky”.

Jellyfish have survived 650 years despite not having a brain.  Wow!!  There’s hope for some people.

We are owned by two cats.  One is aloof and independent; the other is our love-bug and likes to be held and cuddled.  I wasn’t feeling very well one day and being left alone was helping me.  That was until “Love Bug” decided to come and sit all over me thinking her purr therapy would help.  I think I’ll call her, “Doc” from now on.            PEACE AND HARMONY TO YOU, Trudy 😊

2020 August FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

                                            2020 August FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

 I had some extra money one time and asked my Daddy what I should invest in.  He thought and wisely said, "I suggest you invest in some land.  It's not being made anymore."  He was not easy to "read"; he kept his feelings to himself.  But, if you took the time to listen to him and watch his eyes (they gave a lot of information), you'd catch on to some of his opinions.  A lady came to visit Mother one day.  She knocked at the open front door.  Daddy was in his chair close enough to be heard.  He looked up, saw who it was, and said, "Entrails"; she came into the house.  Mother greeted her and then they went into the living room.  I mentioned to Daddy I'd heard him say, "entrails" instead of "enter".  His eyes twinkled as he told me to think about what he'd said.  That was his covert way of indicating his disdain for that person.  Entrails are not considered pleasant.

I found out they're not making yardsticks any longer.  When bed linens are transported to your house from a company, is it called, “shipped sheets”; and, if fertilizer is moved the same way, is it called “shipped shi**”? Say those 2 three times fast.  Now you’ve done LINGUAL LOCUTIONS.

My daughter and I were texting about the sourdough starter she had made and needed to use.  I've made sourdough bread many times and know it can be tricky, especially when the air pressure is fluctuating and it's raining.  I have a microphone on my texting feature which saves me from typing with one finger.  I used the microphone feature in a message about what she needs to do with her bread making when it's a rainy day.  Here is what was sent, "Due to the rain and Barbara motor you need to turn it into pancakes nut bread."    She returned the text with, "What is 'Barbara motor' and 'pancakes nut bread'?"  After I quit laughing, I typed "Due to the rain and barometer, you need to turn it into pancakes, not bread."  Auto-correct can really be interesting.

During the stupidity demonstrations and mindless shootings of some people, there were “condition alerters” who would post on Facebook what was happening and where, but they were not specific as to where.  I posted a plea:  Dear alert informers, PLEASE give your location when you tell of and "active shooter 25 miles from here" or "in the next town east/west/south/north of here". It will help those who are on the verge of worry coupled with scared. I say this, because posted on my wall was an announcement from someone telling there was an active shooter 25 miles from them. Shit fire, Sadie, I was running for the maps to find out where. I had to stop by the bathroom, too!!!

HOW COME DEPARTMENT

1.  We never hear any father-in-law jokes?  2.  When kids are on vacation they’re up at the crack of dawn,  but on school mornings you have to drag them out of bed?  3.  Coumadin is a prescribed drug and costs a lot of money, but aspirin does the same thing and is so inexpensive?  4.  Public restroom stalls have doors which swing in making it almost impossible to maneuver your butt, packages, purse, and coat to shut the dang thing?  Then, when you do get it shut and everything put down or hung up, there is barely enough time to undo your clothes before you wet yourself?  Why bother to try?

Beloved and I were talking about officers in the military.  He told me of a very tough master sergeant he had had when he was in the Army.  He told me, “He had 3 stripes up and 3 stripes down, a star, and hatch marks on his arm.”  “Wow, that’s amazing!” I said with astonishment, “Did he have them on his sleeve, too?”  Beloved did that eye rolling thing…twice, and then told me to go away.  I smirked all the way out.

In the 1400’s a law was made that a man could only beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb.  Thus, “rule of thumb” is how this came about.  Hmm, glad I wasn’t around then.  I’d create a law that said, “Woman may only smack her husband on the head with a wooden block that is the size of his head.”  Thus, this is where the term “BLOCKHEAD” would come from.

My daughter, Della, and I were texting each other around 6:45 a.m.  I told her I'd just awakened and my brain was still fuzzy.  The conversation went on merging into The Adams Family and the character Lurch.  She mentioned she liked the character.  I told her he was humorously ominous and lugubrious.  There was a long pause in our exchange of texts.  She responded, "It's waaaaay toooooo early for that mess of terms.  Your brain is awake, now!!"  I couldn't help not laughing out loud.

Brenduhh came over with a pack of chicken legs.  She was befuddled about them.  "Trudy, take a look at these chicken legs.  I don't know if they're back legs or front legs."  I told her it didn't matter and to just enjoy them when she cooked them.  I didn't want to give her a lesson in leg count of animals...she'd get confused.

Well I know I'm getting old.  I hardly did anything today and dang, I need a nap to continue.

This covid virus!!  Gods!!!!  We’re told to wear face masks so if we have the virus it will retard the spreading of it through air vapors and so we don’t inhale it, either.  Well, in my thinking and knowledge our stomachs and intestines harbor e-coli, which is deadly.  Rolling around in our intestines, due to some foods, is the creation of methane gas which when expelled can be harmful.  So, when we expel gas we’re expelling two harmful things.  Maybe we should wear butt masks.

“Time equals flavor.” That statement was said when a friend of mine was making some of her delicious soup, and I was anxious to have a bowl of it. I've thought about it and totally agree when it comes to making soup. But, then it dawned on me it can apply to life, too. All one's been through, all their trials, tribulations, smiles, frowns, and rejoices make you the person you are today. All those experiences happened over time, lots of time. My grand-dog, Mabel, greets me every time I see her with a lick on my hand, and then gently puts my hand in her mouth. My grandson said, “Gram, she likes your flavor!” At 75, time has made me flavorful.

Recently in the news was the arrest of a man who was in Walmart fondling women.  He was detained by security and arrested by the police.  Had it happened to me, I would have been having a chat with the police for the announcement of “clean-up in aisle 5”.

 Anything you need to learn, which is worthwhile, gets harder before it gets easier.  “Although gold dust is precious, when it gets in your eyes, it obstructs your vision.” -Hsi-Tang

My grandson told me he was having “ass-fixiation” issues after eating a can of pork and beans.  I told him the term was “asphyxiation” and spelled it for him.  He said, “No Gram, it’s what I said because I keep farting.”  I had to sit down I was laughing so hard.  

I don’t know if your mother was a guilt tripper, but mine was.  I think she was the queen of them.  Her famous one was: “Oh, do what you want to.”  This creates total confusion in a kid and later an adult.  First you think “Wow! Finally I’m going to be able to do what I want and she won’t get angry.”  Then, reality sets in with, “Are you delusional?  In order to not get the Artic zone shoulder for the next 3 weeks, you’d be real smart to do what she wants you to do.”  Of course, when you finally do what she wants, she passively-aggressively slips in “Don’t you ever think for yourself?”  One day I just decided I’d had enough of the guilt tripping tactic.  She started; so, I went to the closet and got a suitcase; put some things in it, and walked down the stairs to the front door.  She, of course, saw the whole thing and asked, “Now just where are you going, young lady?”  I told her, “Well, I’m going on that guilt trip you’re giving me.”  I still got the Artic zone shoulder treatment for a while, but I overheard her telling Daddy what I’d done and said.  He replied drolly, “She has a good idea there.”  Daddy was brave.

Peace………..Trudy                                                                                                                       

2020 July FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

                                              2020 July FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

During the difficult times of the “lock down” tempers flared, sadness surfaced quickly, and some had trouble trying to find humor in little things.  I saw a sign at a cemetery entrance---“Any cemetery visitor MUST wear a mask while outside a vehicle.”  Really???  I told it to my friend who has a warped sense of humor.  She said, “Well, the 6 feet of social distancing is already in place, but if one of those corpses coughs, I’m going to need a DEPENDS, not a mask.”  I told her, “I’m sure you will and you’ll wear it with poise.”

I’ve wondered how cashiers are feeling with all the masks on the faces of customers.  I’d be thinking, “Alright, which one is going to ask for all the money in the cash register?  How will I describe that robber to the police?  I can hear the description now --- ‘Well, they were wearing tattered jeans, a green t-shirt, had uncut hair, and a mask.’”  Sometimes I don’t mind wearing them especially when I’ve gone to the big-box-got-most-merchandise-from-another-country store.  I don’t know why some people think they can talk ugly, use nasty words, and such to others, especially children.  The masks (a.k.a. “face diapers”) seem to muffle the waste coming out of their mouth, though.

I read where a Maryland restaurant purchased ‘bumper tables’ that look like giant inner tubes to keep customers 6 feet apart.  Can you imagine the game of “Bumper Tables” after a few strong beers?  I, also, read that in certain Catholic churches there is a drive-through confessional. The priest will use a squirt gun to anoint one with holy water.  The super-soaker guns are for repeat offenders.  Oh my gosh, the visual is cracking me up.

I believe in most holistic applications to better health.  I use a lot of them.  One day I was complaining to Aint Daisy about some aches and pains I was having.  She recommended I rub some olive oil and Epsom salts on the areas and report to her the results.  I went home and did what she suggested.  Later that day I went back to tell her the results.  “Well, what did you find with that application, chile?”  I told her, “I don’t know if I did something wrong or not, but all I felt was oilier and saltier.”  “Yep, that’s part of the results.  Did you feel as much discomfort rubbing all that around?” she asked.  “Actually, no I didn’t.  I thought it sort of strange, too.”  “Well, ya see, when you keep thinking about your troubles and discomfort they just stay.  When you do something else to try to help yourself it sort of goes away or gets less.  Besides, welcome your aches and pains; they let you know you’re not dead.”  I couldn’t help but laugh at that last statement.

Brenduhh came over for breakfast.  I served grits, eggs, and fruit.  As she looked at the grits, she asked what it was.  I told her, “Well, some call it ‘ice cream of the South.’”  She looked puzzled saying, “It’s hot.  Ice cream is not hot.  What is it, Trudy?”  I told her it was called grits. She took a bite and showed displeasure.  “What’s in this stuff?” she quizzed.  I told her, “It’s ground corn, salt and butter, sort of like popcorn or whole kernel corn,” I informed her.  “You have me so confused, now.  First you tell me it’s ice cream; then you tell me it’s like popcorn; then to tell me it’s like whole kernel corn.  I don’t know which one it is, so I’m not going to eat it.”  I wasn’t really sad she didn’t like it.  I love grits, and her refusal left more for me. During her visit she told me she was getting an adult sheep and putting a lawn chair on its back.  Of course I asked why.  She told me, “It’s a riding lawn mower and fertilizer spreader all in one.”

I have trouble with artificial intelligence.  I keep thinking, “All that has to happen for a huge goof-up is the electrical connection to be un-plugged.  Why should time be spent on artificial intelligence; natural stupidity needs to be worked on, instead.

My friend called to tell me she had a migraine.  It wasn't real bad and her cat was snuggled against her neck purring away.  I told her, "There is scientific proof that cat purring is medicinal. The gentle vibration calms and soothes the nerves. Of course, if the cat is on your face, there is a suffocation issue, and there may be a rejection of said medicinal contact."  She laughed and asked if there was a charge for this medical advice.

I learned how to count to one in a traffic jam------Daddy showed me. He said he couldn't count any higher at the time.

When you learn a little, you feel you know a lot, but when you learn a lot, you realize you know very little.  The more I know, the more I know I know less.

My mother-in-law was rather difficult, very opinionated, and disliked me.  I tried to be respectful and polite every time I was around her.  One time her attitude and behavior toward me was just too much.  We were talking about books we were reading.  She mentioned she had read "The Exorcist", but didn't finish it.  She said it was so evil she threw it in the pond out in their back yard.  She told me certain characters reminded her of me.  I kept quiet.  A few days later we had to go to visit her.  On the way there I spied a bookstore.  I went in and bought another "The Exorcist" book and put it in my purse.  When we arrived, I mentioned I had to use the bathroom which was located close to her bedroom.  While she chatted with my husband, I took my book out of my purse in the bathroom, ran some water over it, sprinkled some sand on it from a planter she had in there, and put it in the drawer of her night stand where she kept her reading material.  I think I'm going to hell.

My friend's son is very reserved, quiet, and pensive.  She wonders about his happiness at times.  She said to him, "Sweetie, I'm such an extrovert; I have trouble reading you sometimes. Are you a happy person?" The sweetie, "I'd like to think I am. This pandemic is the best thing that could have happened to an introvert." ~Sheepish grin~

Brenduhh and my daughter, Della, came over for some iced tea.  During the course of the sipping and chatting, Brenduhh kept looking at Della.  She asked her, "Della, did you cut your hair?"  Della, without missing a beat replied, "No, I washed it and it shrank."  Brenduhh looked at her with a very surprised expression and said, “Really!?”

Some of you have noticed I sometimes use a “?” and an “!” together.  This English punctuation is legal.  It is called “an interrobang”.  There are terms for things which you may not realize.  Here are some which will be good to throw into a conversation should it wane:  the rumbling of your stomach is called “wamble”; the way  the air smells after it rains is “petrichor”; the day after tomorrow is “overmarrow”; your little toe or finger is a “minimus”; the difficulty of having to get out of bed (especially on Monday morning) is called “dysinia”; the language most children understand but fathers/men do not is called “Mommese” (I fluently speak it and sarcasm).

When school was in session, I had an angry mother tell me, “I’m going to have your job!!”  Her child was one of the worst behaved I had, by the way.  Well, home schooling for everyone came into the picture in March.  I made a phone call to her and said, “So, how do you like my job, and how’s it going?”  I laughed and even went for the snort.

Shopping is an adventure down memory lane, anymore.  I was going merrily on my way in an aisle.  Another customer said to me, “You’re going the wrong way.  Didn’t you see the arrows?”  I said, “Criminies, I didn’t even see the Indians, Hoppy, Gene, Roy, the Lone Ranger, or Tonto.

“MOM! What’s for supper!” called out the famished teen.  “We’re having ‘surprising train wreck’,” 

I called back.  Supper was served at the usual time.  He sat down, surveyed the selections and grumbled,

“This is nothing but leftovers.  It’s not anything new.”  “Yes it is leftovers; it’s left over leftovers which

 is surprising to me considering you’re an eating machine.  So, it’s ‘Left over leftovers, surprise!’ 

 Mangiare,” said in perfect Italian!!” 

Until next month, smiles and blessings to you.  Trudy

2020 June FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

                                          2020 June FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

In May there was a riddle going around which asked, “There are 34 people in a room.  You enter the room and kill 5 of them.  How many are in the room?  I was amused at the different answers and decided to add my calculation.  Here is what I wrote, “Actually, there are 53:  35 in the room to begin with; 5 police officers to investigate and arrest your butt; coroner and the assistant; 10 men to load the bodies and take them somewhere, one reporter for the newspaper, and a partridge looking for a pear tree.

I talk to my dear friend in Florida, often. At the end of our conversation this particular time, I told her I had to go pick up my daughter from work.  She told me to drive carefully.  She knows I’m a careful driver, but I decided my response would be legendary.  “Nope, not gonna do it.  I’m going to drive like I’m at the Indy 500.  Some will cheer, some will gasp, and there will be some chasing after me with pretty lights flashing on the top of their cars.” 

“Momm, I feel pretty important,” said one of my loves years ago.  Trying not to burst their teenaged bubble, I agreed with them, but cautioned them to not take it as seriously as they were.  Evidently they’d not listened as closely as I’d hoped.  They came home about a week later and were upset.  They’d lost their “pretty important” position.  Gently I encouraged them to come outside and look at the stars.  I was hoping to be able to use the heavens as a didactic tool.  “Look at all those stars,” I said.  “Do you know that each one has a place of importance until it wanes in its brilliance?  It won’t necessarily be forgotten because it served a purpose for a certain amount of time in a certain place.  Then another moves in.”  I watched as the child mentally ruminated what I’d said.  They asked, “Momm, could you put that in simpler terms, please?”  Lovingly I said, “Yes; the next time you fluff yourself up with thinking you’re “pretty important”, go look at the stars.  It will put everything in perspective.”

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

I read that a recent study found dark chocolate helps in treating coughs more than codeine; codeine is sometimes used in cough medicines.  The chemical, theobromine, is in chocolate.  “Subjects were given a 1,000 mg. theobromine tablet…the equivalent of about five Hershey’s Special Dark bars, or over 1,000 calories!”  Coupled with a few glasses of wine to help me relax, I’m not going to care if I’ve exceeded the calorie limit for the day.  Sometimes the “old” medicine isn’t so bad.

I grew up in the fifties with practical parents---a mother, God bless her, who washed aluminum foil after she cooked in it, then reused it.  A father, God bless him, who was happier getting old shoes fixed than buying new ones.  My parents weren’t poor---“just satisfied and comfortable,” Daddy would say.  Their marriage was good, their dreams focused.  Their best friends lived barely a wave away.  I can see them now, Daddy in trousers, an old shirt and his favorite grey sweater, Mother in a house dress---lawn mower in his hand, dishtowel in hers.  It was a time for fixing things:  a curtain rod, the kitchen radio, screen door, the oven door, and the hem in a dress.  Things you keep.  It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy.  All that re-fixing, re-heating, re-newing, I wanted just once to be wasteful.  Waste meant affluence.  Throwing things away meant there’d always be more. On two cold Spring mornings in the chill of the rooms, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn’t any “more.”  Sometimes what you care about most, gets all used up and goes away, never to return, except for the memories.  So, while you have it, it’s best to love it and care for it and fix it when it’s broken and heal it when it’s sick.  That’s true for marriage and old cars and children with bad report cards and dogs with bad hips and aging parents.  You keep them because they’re worth it, because you’re worth it.  Some things you keep---like a best friend that moved away or a classmate you grew up with.  There are just some things that make life important…people you know are special…and you KEEP them close!  May each of you keep the other close.

My beloved, Guy, prided himself in being accurate at what he does.  “After all, I was in military intelligence where accuracy is very important; and, I majored in geography and political science in college where accuracy is, also, very important,” was his rationale.  One day he had to count his daily medicine to make sure he had enough for the trip we were preparing to go on.  Later that day he realized he’d made a mistake in counting--- he’d forgotten to take into count the medicine he has to take twice a day.  He kept lamenting about his mistake indicating he was having a lot of trouble accepting that he’d made an error.  To help him put his error in perspective I said, “Well, at least this wasn’t a goof-up I’ve had to bring to your attention.  You need to be rejoicing about me not saying anything.”  With that, he retorted, “I think I’ll start admitting my mistakes frequently just to keep you quiet.”  Smart ass

I’ve lived in the city and in the country.  The measure of distance and time is different---the country one is the most colorful---not as exact as city.  Here are examples of country which I’ve known:  Next door = 1-2 minutes; Right up the road = 5-10 minutes; A couple ‘a miles = 10-20 minutes; not too far = 20-50 minutes; A little ways = over an hour; A pretty good drive = 2 hours+.  “Down yonder; as the crow flies; a good piece; to the hard road” all these expressions of distance and time factor depend on the terrain.  Hill/mountainous…you can bet it is going to take more time than if it is flat land; and then there is “ya might wanna pack a snack”.

Brenduhh came over for a chat and tea.  During the conversation, I mentioned, "A blue whale can make a fart bubble so big a horse could fit in it."  I saw the hamster wheel of her mind turning and braced for something coming from her thinking.  "If a blue whale can make a fart bubble so big a horse could fit in it, what kind of horse would it be?  You know, Trudy, there are many different sizes of horses from the very large Shires to the very little miniature horse.  And, who was under the whale measuring the fart bubble, and don't you think the methane gas in that bubble would knockout the person measuring the bubble?  What about the vibration of releasing the fart; wouldn't that be too much vibration to hold the measuring instrument?"  Good questions, but I wasn't ready to engage her in the answers---I was afraid of what would be said or more questions from her.

I noticed in May a daily planner for 2020 was on sale for $1.00.  Boy, talk about a waste of money on that item!

There have been times I’ve thought and even said, “Are you that stupid?” only to have someone take it as a challenge and another say, “Here, hold my beer.”  I, also, know someone who is not real sharp with their thinking.  In fact, if their brain was a knife, it wouldn’t cut running water.

Sometimes English words just don’t make sense.  I was using the numbers---primary, secondary---to represent position and came to the third position calling it “Thirdiary”.  I was saying this to my big Guy.  He asked me to stop and questioned, “What is ‘thirdiary’?”  I told him, “It’s the number three position like first is primary, second is secondary; so, third would be thirdiary.”  He shook his head, laughed and told me, “That seems logical to you, but the third position is called ‘TERTIARY’, the fourth position is called ‘QUARTARY, and the fifth position is ‘QUINARY’, and so on.”  I thanked him for the information with, “Thank you for your tertiary quartary leading to a quinary of multitudinous supplications and a partridge in a pear tree.”  He told me to go away…imagine that!

The more I know, the more I know I don’t know.   During the quarantine/pandemic/lock-in/stay-at-home-stay-safe time we’ve had, I learned there is so much one can do to keep busy and pass the time.  I didn’t know one could dust so often and still find more to whish away, nor that I have more “stuff/blessings” that I ever realized; that sometimes loved ones get on the last nerve, but you don’t want to mention it because you know they’ll tell you the same thing about you; that peanut butter and jelly can be gourmet; that a simple “I love you” can bring tears of joy, gratefulness, and humility.  But, most of all, awakening to another day is what it’s all about----awakening to ANOTHER day.  May you have many more days in which to awaken. 

Hugs, blessings, and many smiles---Trudy