2020 July FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

                                              2020 July FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

During the difficult times of the “lock down” tempers flared, sadness surfaced quickly, and some had trouble trying to find humor in little things.  I saw a sign at a cemetery entrance---“Any cemetery visitor MUST wear a mask while outside a vehicle.”  Really???  I told it to my friend who has a warped sense of humor.  She said, “Well, the 6 feet of social distancing is already in place, but if one of those corpses coughs, I’m going to need a DEPENDS, not a mask.”  I told her, “I’m sure you will and you’ll wear it with poise.”

I’ve wondered how cashiers are feeling with all the masks on the faces of customers.  I’d be thinking, “Alright, which one is going to ask for all the money in the cash register?  How will I describe that robber to the police?  I can hear the description now --- ‘Well, they were wearing tattered jeans, a green t-shirt, had uncut hair, and a mask.’”  Sometimes I don’t mind wearing them especially when I’ve gone to the big-box-got-most-merchandise-from-another-country store.  I don’t know why some people think they can talk ugly, use nasty words, and such to others, especially children.  The masks (a.k.a. “face diapers”) seem to muffle the waste coming out of their mouth, though.

I read where a Maryland restaurant purchased ‘bumper tables’ that look like giant inner tubes to keep customers 6 feet apart.  Can you imagine the game of “Bumper Tables” after a few strong beers?  I, also, read that in certain Catholic churches there is a drive-through confessional. The priest will use a squirt gun to anoint one with holy water.  The super-soaker guns are for repeat offenders.  Oh my gosh, the visual is cracking me up.

I believe in most holistic applications to better health.  I use a lot of them.  One day I was complaining to Aint Daisy about some aches and pains I was having.  She recommended I rub some olive oil and Epsom salts on the areas and report to her the results.  I went home and did what she suggested.  Later that day I went back to tell her the results.  “Well, what did you find with that application, chile?”  I told her, “I don’t know if I did something wrong or not, but all I felt was oilier and saltier.”  “Yep, that’s part of the results.  Did you feel as much discomfort rubbing all that around?” she asked.  “Actually, no I didn’t.  I thought it sort of strange, too.”  “Well, ya see, when you keep thinking about your troubles and discomfort they just stay.  When you do something else to try to help yourself it sort of goes away or gets less.  Besides, welcome your aches and pains; they let you know you’re not dead.”  I couldn’t help but laugh at that last statement.

Brenduhh came over for breakfast.  I served grits, eggs, and fruit.  As she looked at the grits, she asked what it was.  I told her, “Well, some call it ‘ice cream of the South.’”  She looked puzzled saying, “It’s hot.  Ice cream is not hot.  What is it, Trudy?”  I told her it was called grits. She took a bite and showed displeasure.  “What’s in this stuff?” she quizzed.  I told her, “It’s ground corn, salt and butter, sort of like popcorn or whole kernel corn,” I informed her.  “You have me so confused, now.  First you tell me it’s ice cream; then you tell me it’s like popcorn; then to tell me it’s like whole kernel corn.  I don’t know which one it is, so I’m not going to eat it.”  I wasn’t really sad she didn’t like it.  I love grits, and her refusal left more for me. During her visit she told me she was getting an adult sheep and putting a lawn chair on its back.  Of course I asked why.  She told me, “It’s a riding lawn mower and fertilizer spreader all in one.”

I have trouble with artificial intelligence.  I keep thinking, “All that has to happen for a huge goof-up is the electrical connection to be un-plugged.  Why should time be spent on artificial intelligence; natural stupidity needs to be worked on, instead.

My friend called to tell me she had a migraine.  It wasn't real bad and her cat was snuggled against her neck purring away.  I told her, "There is scientific proof that cat purring is medicinal. The gentle vibration calms and soothes the nerves. Of course, if the cat is on your face, there is a suffocation issue, and there may be a rejection of said medicinal contact."  She laughed and asked if there was a charge for this medical advice.

I learned how to count to one in a traffic jam------Daddy showed me. He said he couldn't count any higher at the time.

When you learn a little, you feel you know a lot, but when you learn a lot, you realize you know very little.  The more I know, the more I know I know less.

My mother-in-law was rather difficult, very opinionated, and disliked me.  I tried to be respectful and polite every time I was around her.  One time her attitude and behavior toward me was just too much.  We were talking about books we were reading.  She mentioned she had read "The Exorcist", but didn't finish it.  She said it was so evil she threw it in the pond out in their back yard.  She told me certain characters reminded her of me.  I kept quiet.  A few days later we had to go to visit her.  On the way there I spied a bookstore.  I went in and bought another "The Exorcist" book and put it in my purse.  When we arrived, I mentioned I had to use the bathroom which was located close to her bedroom.  While she chatted with my husband, I took my book out of my purse in the bathroom, ran some water over it, sprinkled some sand on it from a planter she had in there, and put it in the drawer of her night stand where she kept her reading material.  I think I'm going to hell.

My friend's son is very reserved, quiet, and pensive.  She wonders about his happiness at times.  She said to him, "Sweetie, I'm such an extrovert; I have trouble reading you sometimes. Are you a happy person?" The sweetie, "I'd like to think I am. This pandemic is the best thing that could have happened to an introvert." ~Sheepish grin~

Brenduhh and my daughter, Della, came over for some iced tea.  During the course of the sipping and chatting, Brenduhh kept looking at Della.  She asked her, "Della, did you cut your hair?"  Della, without missing a beat replied, "No, I washed it and it shrank."  Brenduhh looked at her with a very surprised expression and said, “Really!?”

Some of you have noticed I sometimes use a “?” and an “!” together.  This English punctuation is legal.  It is called “an interrobang”.  There are terms for things which you may not realize.  Here are some which will be good to throw into a conversation should it wane:  the rumbling of your stomach is called “wamble”; the way  the air smells after it rains is “petrichor”; the day after tomorrow is “overmarrow”; your little toe or finger is a “minimus”; the difficulty of having to get out of bed (especially on Monday morning) is called “dysinia”; the language most children understand but fathers/men do not is called “Mommese” (I fluently speak it and sarcasm).

When school was in session, I had an angry mother tell me, “I’m going to have your job!!”  Her child was one of the worst behaved I had, by the way.  Well, home schooling for everyone came into the picture in March.  I made a phone call to her and said, “So, how do you like my job, and how’s it going?”  I laughed and even went for the snort.

Shopping is an adventure down memory lane, anymore.  I was going merrily on my way in an aisle.  Another customer said to me, “You’re going the wrong way.  Didn’t you see the arrows?”  I said, “Criminies, I didn’t even see the Indians, Hoppy, Gene, Roy, the Lone Ranger, or Tonto.

“MOM! What’s for supper!” called out the famished teen.  “We’re having ‘surprising train wreck’,” 

I called back.  Supper was served at the usual time.  He sat down, surveyed the selections and grumbled,

“This is nothing but leftovers.  It’s not anything new.”  “Yes it is leftovers; it’s left over leftovers which

 is surprising to me considering you’re an eating machine.  So, it’s ‘Left over leftovers, surprise!’ 

 Mangiare,” said in perfect Italian!!” 

Until next month, smiles and blessings to you.  Trudy