🎄 2022 December FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

 🎄🎅🤶

There are 24 more days for a lot of us; 18 for others; and 25 for some.  Those are the number of days until Christmas, Hanukah, and Kwanzaa.  Each of us will celebrate these special events in our own way.  Whichever you do, may you receive the blessings of that celebration and a deeper meaning of it.

I went over to Aint Daisy’s house shortly after she’d gotten home from a little trip.  She was upset, which upset me, too.  “Oh Aint Daisy, what is the problem?” I gently asked as I sat down in the rocker beside hers.  “Someone broke into my house, went through my things, and took some special things to me.  They weren’t valuable except to me and the memories I had of them.  What’s really upsetting me is I know the young’un who took ‘em.”  “Oh no!!!  What are you going to do?  Are you going to call the police, or scold the person, or talk to their folks?” I inquired.  She just sat rocking in her favorite chair with some tears in her eyes.  “Chile, I know they have a conscience; I taught ‘em in Sunday school.  When one knows they done another wrong, and they know YOU know they done you wrong, your souls are disturbed, hurt, and very disappointed.  That’s why when they have a conscience they cain’t look you in the eye anymore, especially when you’re nice to ‘em.  No amount of my scolding will make ‘em feel as bad about doing a trusted one wrong as the look they’ll get and the niceness they’re gonna be a-gettin’.  They’ll carry all that with ‘em 24/7.  Mark my words, chile.  So, I’ll be nice to ‘em and forgive ‘em ‘acause the good book tells ya to do that, but I won’t trust ‘em ever again, and they’ll know THAT.”  She quietly rocked more and slowly shook her head.  I hurt for the Lady of the Holler, but even in her despair, she was speaking words of wisdom.

I’ve been thinking of involved/fancy ways to say simple things.  Here are some I’ve thought:  Using a schematic pattern, I laid it on a flat plane of interwoven fibers and incised the design.  (I cut out a garment to sew.) Encouraged and involved multiple levels of achievement individuals in a thermodynamic setting of cleaning, sanitizing, and organizing performance of ceramic and metal objects. (Told my kids to wash, rinse, dry, and put away the dishes) Restored and improved molecular structures of worn, woven  materials.  (I washed some clothes.)  Removed freshly deposited, unsafe frozen liquid particles from solid traffic surfaces using ergo dynamically designed tools.  (Shoveled snow and ice on the walk.)  Referring to my dissectology skills, I engineered, erected, and assembled a level plane of irregular pieces into one.  (I put a puzzle together.)  Using reflective and illumination devices, I observed chevelure strands on a spherical shape.  (I looked at my hair in the lighted bathroom mirror.)  Removed and sanitized hard surfaces of epithelial debris and waste flushing with thermally charged hydrogen and oxygen solutions and sodium salt of hypochlorous acid.  (I cleaned the bathroom using hot water and bleach.)  I chose not to arrange, assemble, and distribute multiple fibers into a flat, organized, dimensional plane on a reclining surface.  (I didn’t make my bed.)

It has been determined that one can tell a lot about a person’s hands.  For example:  if they are wrapped around another’s throat, someone is very upset; if they have a death grip on a delicious food product, some one is hungry and won’t share; if the fingers are all lined up tightly together and the hand is moving quickly toward a rear body part of a child, said child is going to get a swat on their butt.  Now, if the hand is on an animal with very long claws, y’all just better not bother that animal---shredding is one of their gifts.

I find it interesting that “MONKEY POX” is being changed to another name because part of it is considered derogatory. The monkeys are probably complaining.  Well, what about “CHICKEN POX”?  You don’t hear the chickens complaining.

Do you know what the duct tape of food is?  It is bacon!!!  You can wrap it around anything, even asparagus and Brussels sprouts, and the whole thing will taste good.  Raw cauliflower, raw broccoli, and greens are natural roto-rooters.  And then there is peanut butter----------the glue which holds children and adults, who are kids at heart, together.  You’re welcome!

The Christmas tree----have you ever thought about its shape in relationship to the meaning of this celebration?  It is triangularly shaped, with usually a star at the top.  Each point represents the trinity:  Father, Son and Holy Ghost.  We decorate it to draw attention to it---really subconsciously drawing attention to the trinity.  The lights light the way, just as the trinity lights our way to Heaven.  Have you ever noticed how your eyes travel from the bottom to the top as you gaze at the beauty of your tree?  Don’t your eyes travel up when you are talking to The Master in Heaven?  I remember the trees Mother and Daddy had at Christmas.  Each one was carefully selected, brought into the house, set up, and let to stand for a day to “relax”.  The decorations were beautiful with many acquired over the years.  Some were new, some hand-made by Mother (how beautiful they were), and the rest had been used before.  Each one had a special meaning, a special memory tucked away in a heart to be thought about then and later.  The lights were simple, just the usual colored bulbs that stayed on until someone unplugged them.  Now there are the fancy kinds that twinkle or flash.  They are nice, but the old ones were warmer and more inviting.  I remember the year we got the artificial tree.  I wasn’t real thrilled about it and voiced my opinion.  The rationale of, “The needles won’t fall off; we can have it up longer and it won’t dry out; the real ones are getting too expensive” and so on.  The smell of the real one is what I missed the most.  No “fragrance in a can” can take the place of the smell of a real Christmas tree.  So, I take the memories, which are all tucked away in my heart, to be thought about at a later time.

I stopped by to see Aint Daisy.  She was in the front room in her rocking chair admiring her Christmas tree.  It was lit with tiny, sparkling lights, red and green ornaments, and a few candy canes hanging from the limbs.  “Oh, that’s a pretty tree, Aint Daisy,” I said.  “Thank you, honey.  I think so too.  You’ll notice how the tree has sparklin’ lights.  Those are the stars in Heaven.  The red ornaments represent the blood Jesus shed for our sins, and the green ones represent the earth.  The candy canes are symbols of a shepherd’s hook so the shepherd can reach out and help one of his flock which may have wandered.  The tree is a triangle---the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.”  “I never thought of what all that represented, especially the tree.  When I see a “Christmas” tree from now on, I’ll remember what you told me,” I said in awe of all her knowledge, our precious Lady of the Holler.

LONGEST WORD IN SHAKESPEARE’S PLAYS: “HONORIFICABILITUDINITATIBUS” (LOVE’S LABOUR’S LOST) I never chose this play of Will’s for my English classes to read.  I figured they speak in 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5 lettered words few of which are polysyllabic.  So, how could they possibly say one with 27 letters and extremely polysyllabic?  When I put my favorite words on the board ----pneumonoultramicroscopicsilicovolcanokoniosis (A miners’ lung disease caused by the inhalation of silicate or quartz dust) floccinaucinihilipilification (the categorizing of something as worthless or trivial), and hippopotomonstrosesquipedalian (pertaining to a very long word)--a few of them fainted.  Those words have 45, 29, and 30 letters respectively. 

Didja know that peanuts are part of the ingredients of dynamite?  Didja know nitro glycerin comes in jelly form? Here are some more tidbits:  drinking 2 glasses of GATORADE can relieve headache pain.  So can going shopping.  COLGATE toothpaste makes an excellent salve for burns.  Got a stuffy head?  Try chewing on a few of the curiously strong ALTOIDS peppermints.  No mysterious chemicals to inhale.  Homemade chicken soup really is good for the soul and a cold.  It has enzymes in it which help break up the stuffiness of your nose and soothes your sore throat. 

What’s the difference between a Northern fairytale and a Southern fairytale?  A Northern fairytale begins, “Once upon a time.”  A Southern fairytale begins, “Y’all ain’t gonna believe this.” 

My family had gathered to discuss and draw names of gift recipients.  Sometimes we say what we’d like to receive or not receive.  At my age, there isn’t much I really need or want.  So, I mentioned I’d like a homemade cherry pie complete with homemade crust.  I saw a twinkle in my daughter’s eyes.  “I know what you’re thinking, Missy.  I do NOT want an IKEA pie; I know you people!!!”  My other daughter asked what that was.  I told her, “It is when someone gives you a can of cherries and a pie crust.  Then YOU have to put it together and bake it.” 

Until next time, it’s been a grand time to spend time with you.   Trudy 💓

🦃 2022 November FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

         🦃🦃        2022 November FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

Aint Daisy was busy reading a story book to one of her grandchildren.  I saw it was one of my favorites---BIG PANDA AND TINY DRAGON by James Norbury.  This book is an adventure these two friends have.  It is full of companionship, courage, and gentleness.  So much can apply to our lives and how we treat each other and how we deal with what life tosses at us.  As she read, I could hear her telling me and others bits of wisdom she’d acquired through the “adventures” of her life.  In fact, she could have written this book.  She came to a little conversation Big Panda and Little Dragon were having.  It seems Little Dragon was distraught about something and said, “I can’t explain how I feel.”  Big Panda responded with, “That’s O.K.  Words are not adequate for all things.”  She stopped and asked her granddaughter, “Have you ever felt that way, little one?”  The child looked at her then hung her head saying, “Yes, I feel that way today.”  Aint Daisy gave her a little hug and said, “I truly know that feeling.  A few times, I’ve jess sat and watched the leaves on the tree move as the wind blew and listened to the birds’ calls and crickets’ chirps.  It made me feel better.  ‘Sometimes,’ as Big Panda said, ‘words just don’t take care of how we are feeling.’  But, the sounds of nature can do the job.  All we have to do is jess listen and not think.”  ‘More wisdom from the Lady of the Holler with a little help from James Norbury, Big Panda, and Tiny Dragon.

I sent a message to a dear friend:  We have been friends for so long I can’t remember which one of us is the bad influence.  She called me laughing so hard I couldn’t understand what she was saying.  It sounded like, “You are!”, but I can’t be sure.

When I was teaching, there were some students who seemed to have their mind on something else.  This caused me to want to treat them like a glow stick---slap them and shake them until the light came on.

We are into the month this whole nation has a holiday about being thankful.  I have so many things for which to be thankful.  The most important one is:  so much seems to be out of control in this nation, but there is one entity who has not relinquished His control, and I can count on and believe He never will.  Thank you, dear Lord for your persistence and promises.

I have a friend who teaches Sunday school to some young boys.  She went around the room and asked each one, “What are you thankful for?”  They gave the regular replies until she came to the one who always spoke what was in his thoughts.  It was like a greased sliding board----from the brain to the mouth and out.  He sat up straight and said, “I’m thankful for mom not making creamed okra anymore.  That stuff was more slippery than snot, and I had to swallow it; well not really, because it went down faster…..”.  My friend interrupted him before she lost her breakfast.  She was so glad he was the last one and the dismissal bell rang.

I remember when Daddy had to start taking the drug coumadin.  Being the chemist he was, coupled with his character, his sense of humor shined through.  Mother was all concerned about the correct amount he was to take.  He ran out of the pills one day; she got very concerned.  His reply to her fretting was, “Oh, Mamie, just sprinkle 1 teaspoon of DeCon on my oatmeal and that will take care of it. Make the measurement level; no heaping, that’s too much.” Mother was horrified and Daddy couldn’t stop laughing.

Brenduhh and I were riding in her car.  We saw sign at a gas station giving the prices of each type of gasoline.  Also, within the price boxes, was the price of Malboro cigarettes, which were a lot cheaper.  She turned to me and said, “I think I’ll get some Malboros and try them.”  I looked at her and said, “You don’t smoke.  Why are you going to buy some Malboros?”  She exclaimed, “Well, I can run them as fuel cheaper than I can gasoline.” Everyone has the right to be stupid. She was abusing that right.  The “stupid” part brings to mind what John Wayne and Daddy said about it---“Life is tough, but it’s tougher when you’re stupid.”

It was an early morning light breakfast.  I was only interested in having some toast, but knew I needed to have some protein, too.  I put some peanut butter on one of the slices, and placed both on a little plate.  I took it to my chair in the living room, sat it down, and went to get the cup of coffee.  Jada, our sweet cat, was close by just nonchalantly sitting all pretty close to my chair.  I returned to find tongue marks on the warm peanut butter and a cat trying to get the stuff off the roof of her mouth.  I wondered, “Can cats have arachibutyrophobia?”

I was needed quickly upstairs by one of the kids.  I rushed up the stairs only to be told, “It’s o.k., Mom.  I took care of the problem.”  Then the phone rang; I answered it huffing and puffing.  It was my friend.  She asked, “Are you all right?  You’re huffing and puffing like you’re out of breath.”  I told her, “Oh, I just rushed up the stairs faster than I usually do.”  She said all surprised, “What?!  You ran up the flight of stairs?”  My labored response was, “Well,  it was more like a sloth vs. a turtle in a race.”

My friend gave me a delicious recipe for little cinnamon rolls.  She knew how I loved the ones she makes.  I got right to the making of them and called her the next day to tell her about them.  “Oh, I’m so glad you made them.  Did you put the left-overs in a sealed container so they’d stay fresh?” she inquired.  There was a longer-than-usual pause on my part, and then I said, “Umm, what left overs;  were there supposed to be some?”

I have two special needs children.  They truly have been a gift.  They see the world through different eyes-a different interpretation.  They don't fudge on the truth very often----they tell the cold truth.  Sometimes it's difficult to accept the cold truth they tell, but you can believe what they say; it's not tainted with others' lies or misconceptions, and it gives you either a wake-up call or insight.

I don't mind my body being larger.  It gives the observer more to look at---like a seascape instead of a puddle; like a flower garden instead of a single flower; like a box of Twinkies instead of one sitting alone on a counter lonely and unappreciated, needing to be held. 

I kept telling my friend a certain fella had a lot of SWAG.  She didn't agree, but kept listening.
As he kept talking, I kept thinking, "Yep, he has a lot of SWAG."  I shared it with her, again.  She emphatically told me, "Trudy, he does NOT have swag!"  I told her, "Oh yes he does.  Just listen to him chatter on about stuff I know he has no understanding of.  SWAG, my dear friend, means Stupid Wild Ass Guessing."  She didn't argue any more.

🎃 2022 October FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

                           🍎🎃  🍎🎃 🍎🎃 🍎🎃 🍎🎃 🍎🎃 

Brenduhh came over with a paper and pen.  “Hi!  I’ve been told to write down all the states in the United States in alphabetical order.  I’m stuck on how to spell that state, Hawaii.  Would you help me, please, Trudy?” she asked.  I checked her list to see if she had any others which might need correcting.  “Well, it’s really easy.  You’ll need two I’s,” I began.  She squinted, pursed her lips, and shook her head at me.  “You really are a smarty pants this morning!  I already have two eyes, and they’re working just fine!” she grumbled.

Well, we made it to October.  Have you ever noticed the bugs and the way they fly and behave in this month?  Do you know why?  Well, I believe they know they’re going to die and they just don’t want to be civil any more.  So they take the liberty of pestering you with walking or flying into your space.  They go for the dive bombing and kamikaze tactics at your face.  Sometimes it’s just absolute “up close and personal” with them.  This is why I don’t allow myself to fall asleep in my chair.  When I do, my mouth usually falls open and then…..well, you know the bugs’ mentality in October…they like to explore dark, moist caves.

I had a dear, sweet person---my first best friend of my life---tell me she enjoys reading my column every month because she likes to “camp out in my brain” to explore what I’m thinking.  She asked how I come up with some of the stuff I put in the column.  I can’t exactly tell how I do it, it just happens.  Perhaps it’s a sight, sound, odor, or feeling which brings forward a memory or connection to a random thought that’s looming on the precipice of consideration.  The 2022 September’s edition (the account of my 6 year old son singing GOD IS GREATER THAN THE BOOGIE MAN, in the throes of a tornado drill which turned out to be the real thing) is an example of a memory connection coupled with a few words. I think the key word(s) is “connection” or “memory”; and, the longer I live, the more connections and memories I get.

There was a knock at the door.  I opened it and saw my favorite Lady of the Holler standing there with a cherry pie in her hands.  “Oh Aint Daisy, come on in.  How nice of you to come over, but I must apologize for my messy house.  I haven’t had time to put things in order.  She stepped through the doorway, took off her red and black shawl, and asked if we could go to the kitchen and share the pie.  Of course I had her come with me.  Drat, the dirty dishes were still stacked to be washed, but the table was clean.  I apologized for the dirty dishes still on the side of the sink.  She sat down and smiled at me as I got out the two plates, forks, and triangular pie slice serving utensil.  I cut the pie. Oh gosh, it was heaven in a dish.  I served her and me and sat down to chat.  I apologized again for the messes.  She listened and smiled.  The twinkle in her eyes told me she was going to say something important.  “Chile, I don’t pay no mind to the messes.  We all have ‘em from time to time. I’ve come to see YOU, talk with YOU, enjoy YOU, and share some pie with YOU.  I hain’t a-goin’ to get any enjoyment out of those messes, but I will out of bein’ with you.  So jes’ remember when I come over, I’m a-comin’ to see and enjoy YOU, jes’ YOU.”  Oh, the comforting wisdom of that dear lady----my friend, the Lady of the Holler.

I don’t go to concerts because I can get the same music at the library, listen to it in quiet, and go to a clean bathroom when I need to.  However, I have a friend who enjoys going to concerts and purchased a ticket through a ticket distribution company.  They got their bill.  It had so many fees; the base price was reasonable, but everything else was inane.  Here is my friend’s rendition of the bill:  concert ticket: $35, Venue fee: $20, Access fee: $15, Paperless Transaction Fee:  $12, Fee fee: $5, Fee fi fo fum fee: $7, We can fee: $2, So what fee: $3, Another-contribution-won’t-hurt fee:  $2, and the most laughable one----Toilet paper use fee:  $1.

Be careful when you answer your phone from a number you don't recognize.  If you're asked a question, such as your name, and are to say, "yes" or "nor as a response, do NOT do it.  There are scammers out there using your name, voice, and "yes" response to purchase various high priced items.  They have all sorts of electronic ways of them being you, including your voice.  I usually answer with, "Affirmative" or "Correct" or "It is the one you are intending and asking for."  This really confuses a robo-call.  Of course, that's my intention, anyway.  Sometimes I even use another language...one I've made up as I talk.  Imagine that!!

I was asked from a friend my opinion of a situation involving a challenged child and what I would suggest would help.  I drew on all my knowledge, experiences, research, and education.  When I finished, I said, “Well, there is my two cents’ worth.”  My friend replied, “Not really, Trudy.  It’s is more like $1.95 because you gave a professional opinion, personal and professional experiences, and knowledge.”  I told her, “Hmmm, inflation is everywhere.”

I have a dear friend who has many, many people asking her to do for them.  She has a lot of difficulty telling each one of them, including her dogs, “NO!”  She was telling me of all she had been doing for others over the last week.  I listened intently, and then said, “I truly hope your life, for a day or two, winds down to complete boredom.”  She laughed and said, “You’re great at keeping my broken sack of marbles together.”  I told her, “Well, that’s because I’m usually looking for the marbles I’ve lost.” We went for the snort, y’all.

Have you ever noticed that through the “storms” of your life there usually comes a rainbow of peace?  He keeps his promises.

I went to the doctor to listen about my blood sugar should be lower, blood pressure should be lower, and weight should be lower. Hell's bells, he doesn't mention a thing about my boobs being lower.

Brenduhh came over in a huff.  “Settle down, missy,” I told her.  She became momentarily quiet then snapped, “I don’t do the calm and carry on thing, Trudy.  I do the spontaneously combust and go totally mental thing.”  “Oh.  Well try to chill-out.  Now what else is bothering you?”  I queried.  “You know I’m taking American geography at the junior college.  There was a test yesterday which required us to give the capital of each state.  I failed the test.”  “50 states and their capitals are tough to remember. Let me quiz you.  What is the capital of Ohio?” I asked.  “The capital of Ohio is O; and, it’s the only state which begins with a capital O,” she said proudly.  I hung my head.  

 

Peace, smiles, and blessings until next month--------Trudy                                         

🏈 2022 September FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

 

 🏈 2022 September FROM MY PERSPECTIVE ♍

While visiting my parents one year, Guy got a bit upset with me about something.  Daddy was sitting in his chair and asked how he could help.  Guy told him about his irritation and said, "Papa Doc, do you have any advice on how to handle her?  You've been married a longer time than I."  While Guy stepped out of the room, Daddy got out his legal-size pad of paper, tore off a sheet, folded it in fourths, wrote on the outside "How to handle a wife", and handed it to Guy when he returned.  Guy opened it and exclaimed, "There is nothing written on either side of the paper!  What is your experience?"  Daddy said, "Guy, I've been married to Trudy's mother for 50 plus years.  This is what I've learned about how to handle a wife."

Brenduhh came over all in a huff and about in tears.  “What is the problem?” I asked.  Sniffing and trying not to cry, she stammered, “I was called ‘LAZY’ today by my boss.”  I took my time to ask her some questions as to what might have been the reason the boss referred to her using that term.  “Do you have any idea why your boss called you ‘lazy’?” I inquired.  “NO!” she said emphatically.  “Well, what did you do at work, today?” I asked.  “Well, I …, hmmm, I think I, hmmm.  Well, I didn’t see anything to be done, so I didn’t do anything,” she announced.  “What about yesterday?  Did you do anything yesterday?” I carefully asked.  “No, there didn’t seem to be anything to do; so, I didn’t do anything,” she said.  I suggested from now on she find something to do so she’d look busy, because the boss obviously is watching.  Her reply made me roll my eyes, “Trudy, I can’t do something when there isn’t something to do!!  And, that goes for ‘anything’, too.  I can’t do anything if there isn’t anything to do!”

I walked up her sidewalk which had some leaves scattering on grass and stones.  Her porch was vacant of her, but the rocking chairs were waiting for her and anyone who wanted to “set a spell”.  As I reached for the door handle, I could see she was busy in her kitchen.  I saw some pies and a few dozen cookies on the cloth-covered table.  I got ready to be with one of my favorite people.  I opened the door and called her name.  “Oh chile, you jess come on in and set a spell in here with me.  Get a plate and fork to eat a piece of whatever pie you want to enjoy.”  I sat down in the red chair with the overstuffed cushion on the seat.  She had different chairs around the wooden table and each chair was a different color, so were the cushions on the seats.  She said it was her “rainbow kitchen settin’”.  I was quiet, which she knew was a signal that I “had a bother”, as she puts it.  “Alright, tell me what yer bother is, chile.  I know it’s heavy on yer heart.  Ye don’t get as quiet as when that’s a-happenin’,” she soothingly said.   "How do you get over the losses in life of the people who had such a profound effect on you and who you cared so much about, Aint Daisy?”  "Oh chile, they hain't losses, they're gains.  Ye gain more moments to think of those who’re gone.  Ye gain insight into what is important.  Ye gain a look into you.  Ye gain the time to count the blessin's ye didn't recognize ye have.  Ye gain the importance of yer memories with that one ye lost. Ye don't really get over those losses; ye jess get used to not havin' 'em around ye.  No tear is as bitter as the one(s) shed due to a heart’s loss, but, honey, those are the dues ye pay for lovin’, carin’, and wantin’.”  Oh my, such profound wisdom from the special Lady of the Holler.  It never fails to give me something to think about.  (To my friend, Marva 3-25-44 to 8-16-22)

No matter how crazy your world gets, you always need at least one person you can be nutz with, confide in, and laugh so hard you go for the snort.  I’m blessed; I have more than one, and they know who they are.  There is peace in my soul.

Mosquito season is still here for a while.  I’ve read some ways to keep them at bay while you’re out enjoying the air, etc.  I hesitate to put chemical repellant on my skin because the chemicals can infiltrate your body and cause all sorts of unwanted conditions (not that mosquitoes are wanted!).  During my observances of mosquito repellant, I’ve come to the conclusion that fans blowing on me while I sit outside on my deck are a good repellant.  After all, have you ever seen mosquitoes flying around in a hurricane or tornado?  Maybe large objects do---cows, dogs, cats, houses, trees---but not mosquitoes.  Which brings me to wonder, where do they go during those times?

Octopus.  Have you ever wondered how it’s pronounced as a plural?  I have, so, of course, I looked it up.  I discovered OCTOPUS has three different plurals.  Merriam-Webster dictionary states:  “The three plurals for octopus come from the different ways the English language adopts plurals. Octopi is the oldest plural of octopus, coming from the belief that words of Latin origin should have Latin endings. Octopuses was the next plural, giving the word an English ending to match its adoption as an English word. Lastly, octopodes stemmed from the belief that because octopus is originally Greek, it should have a Greek ending.”  So, which ever of the three you choose to use, you’re correct.  It is sort of funny, though, that one would be referring to more than one octopus since they are solitary creatures.  Think about that.

During an intense moment of fellowship with the big guy, he popped off to me, “Well, you know God created man before he did woman!”  So, I informed him, “That is true; however, there is always a rough draft before the master piece!!”  Someone was speechless for quite awhile-----after he told me to “get along little doggie”.

I found some practical uses for vodka.  Fill a 16 oz. trigger-spray bottle with vodka and spray bees or wasps to kill them.  Like they’ll care about stinging you now!!  Swish a shot of vodka over an aching tooth.  Allow your gums to absorb some of the alcohol to numb the pain.  Or, drink a 12 oz. glass of this mix:  4 oz. orange juice and 8 oz. vodka.  You won’t care about the pain anymore.

I’ve been a mother since I was 22 and took care of my baby sister when I was 14.  And, I’ve “mothered” others’ children, which is too many to count.   I’ve raised dogs and cats; which brings me to the conclusion of:  dogs prepare you for children; cats prepare you for when they’re teenagers.  I know some of you can identify.

In Bible study, our pastor mentioned perseverance, obedience, and fortitude.  He referred to Noah and the 40 days on the ark.  As you know, God instructed Noah to gather 2 of every animal and have them join him on the ark.  O.K.  I can understand the rationale of that.  BUT, what was the rationale of 2 bed bugs, 2 stink bugs, 2 mosquitoes, and 2 cockroaches???  What was He thinking??

I’m reading a very good book.  It’s a fast read and has very practical advice with the reasoning behind the advice.  The book is:  MAKE YOUR BED: LITTLE THINGS THAT CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE...AND MAYBE THE WORLD by William H. McRaven (retired United States Navy four-star admiral who served as the ninth commander of the United States).  One of the topics is “Start singing when you’re up to your neck in mud.”  It reminded me of when my 28 year old special needs son was about 6.  He was in a special class with other special needs children.  He loved (and still does) music.  His favorite program on television was VEGGIE TALES.  I think he knew every song sung on that wholesome program.  On this particular day, there was a tornado drill which turned out to be the real thing.  All those in the school went to the halls, sat down, and covered their heads.  A lot of the children were scared and started to cry.  The teachers had their hands full of scared children until a little voice, my son’s, started singing, GOD IS GREATER THAN THE BOOGIE MAN.  From what I was told by my little fella’s teacher, a lot of the children watched VEGGIE TALES, too, and started singing along with my son.  They all were “up to their necks in mud” and started singing.  Everything turned out fine, the tornado went over the school in a big huff never disturbing a single shingle.  I guess “the boogie man” heard the song and realized a stronger force was present.

I, as many people do, like my coffee in the morning.  I saw a poster about “Why I like coffee”.  I can relate to each one.  1.  It tastes like hope and dreams.  2.  Caffeine perks me up.  3.  Other people talk to me in the morning.  4.  Jail is a real thing.  5.  It’s hard to work if eyes are closed.  6.  It helps me mimic socially acceptable behavior.  7.  Strangers stare if you forget to put on pants.  8.  I believe in helping Juan Valdez and his donkey earn a living.  9.  My family seems to like me better after I drink my coffee.  10.  I can talk.

Peace, kindness, and smiles-----------Trudy J

😁😃August 2022 FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

                                     😁   2022 August “FROM MY PERSPECTIVE”  😃

Back in the late 60s when my first husband was in the Army, I had washed and starched his fatigues. After ironing them in the regulation way (stiff as a board), I had clipped the pants on the bottom of the hangar and the "jacket" was on the top part. I hung them in the laundry room which was to the left of the kitchen sink. I forgot they were there. As I was washing the dishes that night, I caught a glimpse of a tall "man" standing in the laundry room and pulled the door shut holding on to the door knob so "he" couldn't get out. I let out a yell which brought my husband coming to see what was happening. I told him there was a tall man in the laundry room. My husband, armed with a ball bat, opened the door and flipped on the light. There was the "tall man" "standing" in front of the water heater. He showed me the "tall man", which gave us both a good laugh.

How come "you're a peach" is a complement, but "you're bananas" is an insult?  Why are we allowing fruit discrimination to malign society?  Next will be an anger drive-by fruiting and indiscriminate squeezing to see who is the ripest.

My girlfriend teaches Sunday school at our church.  She has three precocious boys who are eager to learn about the Bible.  She asked if they’d like to start at the beginning in Genesis to which they agreed.  She gave them a bit of an overview as to what was in that book and mentioned Adam and Eve.  The oldest, Anthony, asked if Adam and Eve were the first people.  My friend said, “Yes they were.”  Anthony without pausing said sincerely, “So, they were the prototypes of woman and man.”  Hmmm, that makes complete sense.

I’ve seen these statements on business trucks.  Exterminator: “Whatever is bugging you, we’ll take care of it.”  Plumber for bathrooms:  “We’re #1 on #2”.  Earth moving equipment:  “We work dirt cheap” and “Some boys still play in the dirt”.  Tire sales business:  “You can count on inflation with us.”  Mirror business:  “We are a reflection of you.”  Heating and Air Conditioning:  “We run hot and cold, but don’t blow us off.”  Dog grooming business:  “We put the ‘BOW’ in ‘WOW’.

In the circus when things go wrong, they send in the clowns.  The song Helen Reddy sang about that, SEND IN THE CLOWNS, has rung so true in my life at times.  I remember a time I was most distraught, felt so much was askew and unfix-able.  Then, a certain person came to me and made me feel better.  They told me a joke and made the issues seem solvable.  I felt better and moved on.  The lyric, "Where are the clowns? Send in the clowns; Don't bother, they're here" came to mind.

As I walked up the stone path to Aint Daisy’s, I could see her sitting in her favorite rocking chair on the porch.  Her hands were placed on top of her well-worn bible which was opened to a chapter.  “Hi Aint Daisy, I see you’re out here enjoying the morning sun and critters.”  She rocked and nodded her head; she looked a bit dismayed.  “Is everything all right?” I asked.  “Well, chile, I have a little trouble right now, but the good book is a-helpin’ me get through it.  I know a young’un who’s got special needs.  She’s a hard worker, sweet thang, and was a-workin’ at a place all happy, until some folks thought they could fuss at her somethin’ fierce, even harassed her.  She tried to explain how her brain worked, but they wouldn’t try to learn or understand.  They kept at her thinking she was regular in her thinkin’ and doin’.  They just kept tryin’ to put a square peg in a round hole; got a bit mean with her, and her boss was right in there with ‘em.  She took all she could for weeks and finally resigned her position.  She came to talk to me about it.  We talked, and I got out the good book.  I silently said a little prayer for the Lord to guide me to the right verse to help her.  Low and behold, I turned to Proverbs---my favorite book---chapter 18 verse 2 stood right out and announced what was.”  “Would you tell me what it says, please?” I asked.  “I surely will.  ‘Fools find no pleasure in understanding, but delight in airing their own opinions.’  Simply put:  Fools don't like or want to understand anything---they just want to babble on about their ill-informed own opinions.  She seems to be a-doin’ all right, though, and told me that verse will stick with her.”  “Aint Daisy, you surely know how to make a soul feel better,” I said.  She smiled. ‘More wisdom from the Lady of the Holler who believes what the good book tells and shares it with others.

In the 1400’s a law was made that a man could only beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb.  Thus, “rule of thumb” is how this came about.  Hmm, glad I wasn’t around then.  I’d create a law that said, “Woman may only smack her husband on the head with a wooden block that is the size of his head.  Thus, this is where the term “BLOCKHEAD” would come from.

My friend Brenduh was “trapped”, according to her, on an escalator for hours when the power went out.  Finally the power came back on; she got off and went swimming.   She came over to my house all mad.  Seems she lost the breast stroke competition.  She told me it was most unfair---all the other participants were using their arms.  I tried to not get her any angrier, but the inevitable happened.  She went to her car and found she’d locked the keys in it.  She was yelling and called to me to phone her husband at work to bring the extra set of keys to unlock the door.  I told her I wasn’t going to bother him with that.  Wow, that made her madder and she bellowed, “Why not, dang it?”  I told her to reach in and unlock the door---the top was already down on her convertible.  Then, she went to the beach.  She didn’t have a great time there.  She’d call for her dog, but people would give her nasty looks.  I told her she shouldn’t have named her dog “Shark”.

These have actually been found in my and others’ high school English class essays.   1.  Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that had its two sides gently compressed by a Thigh Master.  2.  She grew on him like she was a colony of E.Coli and he was room-temperature Canadian beef.  3.  She had a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up.  4.  He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the East River.  5.  Even in his last years, Grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left outside so long, it had rusted shut.  6.  She walked into the room like a centipede with 98 missing legs.  7.  His happiness showed like the face on a “Slow Down” sign holder in a road construction site in  98 degree heat.  8.  It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.   This last one reminds me of a commercial that was so funny to me.  It showed a wife making delicious brownies and there was batter left on the beaters of her electric mixer.  Her hubby comes in, eyes the dripping mixture.  She asks him if he’d like to lick the beaters.  He tells her yes; picks up the mixer with the beaters still attached, and the cord still plugged in.  As he’s licking, the mixer somehow turns on.  The screen goes black and you hear a muffled scream. I laughed so hard because I KNOW someone has done this before, and I can still hear them.  I know, “That’s not funny, Trudy!”  But, it really is if you think about it for a while.  Forrest Gump said it perfectly, “Stupid is as stupid does.”

“People are like books----some deceive you with their cover, and others surprise you with their contents.” Hardeep Singh

Imagine what a thesaurus, as a very large, ferocious animal defending itself from an onslaught of marauding villains, would say:  “Your ineptness is disadvantageous.  I propound you to all expedite your incursion with great importunity and expediency before I masticate you into minuscule particles.”  This brings a laughing memory to me of when I was encouraging one of my children to stay with me at a store.  I said, “My preciousness, it impounds me to implore you to remain adjacent to my flank as we traverse our way through this chamber of delectable nourishments.”   I said it to get my child’s attention.  I did get it and a cry of, “Oh mom!!  Speak English that I can understand!!!”  I heard a giggle in the next aisle.

From Chief Dan George:  “May the stars carry your sadness away, May the flowers fill your heart with beauty, May hope forever wipe away your tears, and, above all, May silence make you strong.”

Peace, hugs, smiles-----Always, Trudy

🎇🎆2022 July FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

 

                🎆 2022 July FROM MY PERSPECTIVE 🎇

 “Hurry up.  You’re so slow.  Move it, slowpoke.  We’ll never get this made if you don’t hurry up,” came the harsh words from the father to his son as they sat at a table putting a puzzle together.  The son tried to keep up, but the little fingers were not as dexterous as the father’s.  It about broke my heart listening as they sat a few tables away from Aint Daisy and me.  She and I were researching some of her family’s historical ancestry at the library.  “Oh Aint Daisy, his tone and demands are just about making me want to get up and go tell him to hush.”  She sat watching them not saying a word.  Her eyebrows were knitted together and her jaw was set.  “I know exactly how you feel, chile.  It would be best if I went over and told him to hush, not you.”  And with that she rose, straightened her back and walked over to them.  She stood looking at the father, who looked up at her.  “Excuse me for a minute, please,” she said sweetly.  “Are you aware how old he is compared to how old you are?” she questioned.  The man said he was.  “Then, do you suppose the skill of doing something such as what you’re doing is comparable?” she questioned.  The man started to get a bit sheepish in his posture and voice tone.  “No, I don’t suppose it is,” he responded.  “That’s a nice puzzle you’re putting together and will look real nice when it is done.  Plus, think of all the quality time you’re spending with your child with no interruptions,” she cooed.  The man started to hang his head.  “Please remember:  ‘Anything worthwhile and of good value takes time and diligence.’  I’m sure this time with your son will be moments neither of you will forget.  Enjoy your special time together.”  With that, she returned to our table.  The father’s posture was more relaxed and the little boy’s face changed to a grin.  Aint Daisy winked at me; I'd had another lesson of wisdom from The Lady of the Holler.

In my mother’s kitchen was a drawer full of twister ties from various bread wrappers and other things.  There must have been hundreds.  I asked her if I could clean it out and leave some.  She told me she may need to use them, so I was to leave them right where she had them.  Of course, I thought it was rather silly to have so many, but abided by her statement (o.k. command).  In March of 2001, my siblings and I had to go to the house and start cleaning it out; Mother had drawn her last breath and went to be with Daddy in Heaven.  My sister and I knew some things just had to be tossed, and I decided the “hell drawer” with all the twist ties would be first on my list.  Gleefully I threw almost all of them away.  A few days later, it was found twist ties were needed to secure some bags of trash.  I went to the drawer---NOTHING was there, not even one.  My sister was standing beside me with a smirk on her face.  “It looks like we were too hasty to toss some things,” she cooed with sarcasm.  “Oh, zip it, Colleen,” was the only thing I could think to say.  Guess who has more than 25 twisty ties in a kitchen drawer in her kitchen; just take a wild guess.

THOUGHTS:  “It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.”  “Make love not war; Criminies, do both, get married.”  “If pro is opposite of con, then what is the opposite of progress---CONGRESS?”  In a barroom men’s restroom:  “Beauty is only a light switch away.”  “No matter how good she looks, some other guy is sick and tired of putting up with her garbage.” I think they could be in a ladies’ room, too.    “A person forced against their will is of the same opinion, still.”           

Years ago, I asked my Beloved if he’d remembered to do something I’d requested him to do.  His said incredulously, “Of course I did; my mind is like a steel trap.”  I just looked at him remembering the times he’d forgotten my requests.  My baited response was, “And sometimes the trap is empty or the spring’s already been sprung.”  He told me he wasn’t alone with that one.  I have no idea what he was talking about.  

A few days ago, I was cold for some reason.  It was over 80 out, but I was chilly.  I mentioned it to my sweet Tara.  She smiled and said, “Well, Mom, you know when you get old you get chilly faster than young people.”  I smiled and said, “I guess so.”  This person is all of 26!

I was at a hardware store and saw a line of wheel barrows all chained together.  The name of the wheel barrow was SHERLOCK.  I do believe they were not meant to move manure.

Memories are like Ferris wheels, they come around, they have their highs and lows, and they come around again.  It might be triggered by a sight, a sound, a smell, or a sensation.  They’ll bring you a smile, or a tear…maybe both.  No one can take away a memory, and sometimes that’s all we have left.  There’s that smile and a glisten on our cheek.

Brenduhh arrived at the kitchen door with her waist-length hair all teased as high as it could go.  “Come on in.  I’m making some cookies,” I called out.  She came in all excited.  “Hi!  How do you like my hair?  I got it teased up so much,” she proudly announced.  “You sure do.  My, my you have a lot of hair to tease up like that,” I said.  “Oh yes I do.  I had it all tease because it makes my hips look smaller,” she cooed.   “How about some warm cookies and tea, kiddo?” I asked.  During our conversation over warm cookies, she mentioned ice cream and how it would taste so good with the cookies.  “Yesterday I cleared out some space in the freezer,” she proudly announced.  “Oh that must have been quite a job,” I said.  “Nope.  It just sounds so much more productive than, ‘I just polished off another pint of ice cream’.”

Allen Walker Read (1906-2002), a Winnebago, MN sleuth of linguistic oddities, attempted to explain ‘O.K.’, which is probably the world’s most universally understood term.  “He explained that this widely adopted term of agreement did not come from the Choctaw word OKE, from the French idiom AU QUAI, or from the spelling error by Andrew Jackson.  Instead, he showed that because of the linguistic fad popular about 1839, O.K., was coined from the intentional misspelling “oll correct,” for all correct, popularized by U.S. president Martin Van Buren.” Now, in our electronic messaging world, ‘K’ seems to be accepted as a “word” of agreement.  My daughter sent the letter/word of agreement to me.  I volleyed with, “L,M,N,O.”

Weaver’s-talk:  A system of communication by hand-signals and by the silent motions of the mouth and lips, used by the girls in weaving sheds when looms are/were working, the noise being too great to hear ordinary speech.   Sort of like, when you’re in the church pew and your mother is in the choir loft and she sees you being a squirrel.  She slyly signals to you, drawing a line across her throat with her index finger that “death to Smoochie” will happen if you don’t cage yourself.

I was talking with my 26 year old daughter about standing up for herself.  She was learning to do it, but sometimes her tactics were misunderstood.  I gave her a good visual in which to refer.  I stated, “It is fine to stand up for yourself, another, or for a cause; however, for it to be effective, you need to do it like an elephant in charge, not a charging elephant.”

“TRUTH does not mind being questioned; A LIE does not like being challenged.”  Have you ever noticed when someone is lying to you and you question what they said, they have a tendency to get a little defensive or stammer.  And, if you ask them to tell you, again, what they said, it usually has diversity to what was previously said.

Living and working with two autistic spectrum people has been very interesting, to say the least.  We were deep in a conversation about fond happenings of the past.  “Mom, remember when I was just a kid about 8 years old, and you caught me with all those cookies in my pockets?” he said with fondness.  “And, when was that, sweetie?” I asked.  “Oh I think it was last week,” he calculated.  “But you’re 28, buddy.  So, was it really last week?” I inquired.  “Well, it seems like it was,” he reminisced.  The concept of time is not on his side.

Your tiny toe is called a minimus.  Well, that is unless you find the edge of a piece of solid furniture in the dark of night.  Then, it’s called a MAXIMUS.  I know, thanks for the memories, Trudy.   

 In the end of life, it’s been said, “What you’ve accumulated can’t be taken with you.”  Oh yes it can!!  You take all the love given and that you gave, your memories----the good, bad, and ugly----the friendships, and your smile.

Peace, hugs, and smiles to you until August----------Trudy                     

🌹🌹 2022 June FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

     

                🌹🌹 June 2022 FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

Brenduh came over all excited.  She'd been to a town in the deep South to visit some relatives.  She started to talk, but it wasn't her regular way of talking.  I asked, "Brenduh, you sound like you had a great time; however, your way of talking is different.  Did you pick up the Southern drawl and accent while you were visiting your relatives?"  "I guess I did, Trudy, and I can't seem to go back to the way I used to talk.  Do you have any suggestions?"  I thought for a moment and said, "Well, keep listening to others around here and it will return.  Try real hard because you have so much twang in your words you sound like a banjo."  The scene from DELIVERANCE of the guitar and banjo challenge came to mind.  Some things just trigger a visual and auditory memory.

I have a friend who does not enjoy cooking.  She has three sons who enjoy eating.  She told this:  "Mom, I smelled this really good smell outside, and knew it wasn't coming from our house...but it was! Are you cooking something that doesn't smell bad?" My kids are jerks.”  Talk about a backhand compliment.  She was making Mississippi pot roast in the slow cooker.

I got a bit irritated at a gal the other day.  I was taught to always try to be a lady when you want to tell someone off.  So, I turned Southern on her with my words.  In my nicest Southern accent I said, "Oh bless your heart.  It seems someone shortened your chain and didn't fill your bowl."  Then, I walked away giving her something to think about.  She came at me saying, "You called me a bit**!"  I told her in my continuing Southern accent, "No, sugah, I wouldn't say that.  I just said it seemed your chain had been shortened and your food bowl was empty.  The interpretation is in your thoughts."

Aint Daisy invited me for lunch with her and to bring my own.  As I approached the porch, I saw she had some lemonade all ready and had cut some pieces of cherry pie (my favorite).  “Well, hello to you, Chile.  Come set a spell and have lunch with me.  I sat down in the usual white wicker chair with the fat, floral cushion; she was sitting in her rocker.  “I brought my lunch as you mentioned, Aint Daisy.  This is nice to have lunch together.”  She nodded and picked up half of her sandwich.  I noticed another plate sitting next to hers.  It had a half sandwich on it, and a bite taken out.  Of course my curiosity was raised, and I asked her about it.  "Clifford and I were married almost 51 years, and I made his lunch every working day since day 1. On occasion I would join him on the job site and have lunch with him. He made the comment once that lunch tasted better when you share it with someone you love.  Soon after that, while fixing his sandwich one night, I took a bite out of it before putting it away in his lunch box. When he got home, he commented that someone took a bite out of his sandwich. I told him that since I couldn't join him for lunch, I took a bite so he knew I was joining him. I continued to do this frequently (unless it was tuna). He always said after that, ‘Saw you joined me for lunch today, and it sure was good.’ So, since he’s been gone to Heaven, I always make an extra half a sandwich and take a bite out of it.  I share my lunch with someone I love.  It’s important.”  ‘More wisdom from The Lady of the Holler.

Here are some interesting, but questionable, messages on product boxes:

Pizza box:  open box before eating pizza  Curling iron box:  use appliance only on hair and no other part of the body Soap pods in a box:  Keep away from children, teenagers, and college fraternity members Child's shirt:  to launder, remove shirt from child. Put shirt to washer in cool water and soap Dish washing liquid soap: bottle may contain slippery, bubbly liquid compound  Package of b-b pellets:  Do NOT eat!!  Non-edible.  Do not swallow or taste.  Label on a shirt:  Wash this when dirty Pet shampoo label:  Remember to close all escape routes well in advance before pet is wet and soapy.   They suddenly get smarter and faster than you. Label on towels:  Can be washed by both men and women On a fold-away bed:  Before folding bed to put away, make sure no one is on the bed. On super glue stick:  Do NOT use as a lip balm.  Shaving cream in a tube:  This is NOT toothpaste.  I repeat---THIS IS NOT TOOTHPASTE  Label on a Southern pecan pie:  Instructions are printed in English.  If you can’t read English, don’t read the instructions. Actual label on a pill bottle:  EVERY NIGHT BEFORE FOOD ONCE DAILY TO BE TAKEN FOUR TIMES A DAY THREE TIMES A DAY EVERY THREE TIMES DAILY TAKE ONE TAKE TWO TAKE THREE ONE OR TWO.  Warning:  follow the printed instructions you have been given with this medicine.

Now, here comes the touching part to this label:  My wonderful daughter had worked in the pharmacy of a facility.  I sent her a message note stating:  “Since you worked in pharmaceuticals” with me thinking she’d see the humor in it.  I got a message in return of, “You need to call your pharmacy and ask for those directions again. VERY CONFUSING!!  I’m thinking it’s---take 1 tab 4 times a day for 1 day...three times a day for 1 day... like that, but call the pharmacy asap!!!!!!!”  Then, she calls me and with great concern says, “Mom, are you all right?  Where did you get this medicine and, oh gods, you haven’t taken any, yet, have you?”  I told her I was writing in my June column and the topic was ‘Actual product labels’, and this was one of them.  I’m so sorry I gave you so much concern.”  Talk about being blessed by a child, she truly does bless me.  

An angel was showing a new angel around the farming sector of Heaven.  There was a barn, a pond, and an outhouse.  He told the new angel, as he pointed to the barn, "We keep the holy cow in here."  Then, he pointed to the pond and said, "We keep the holy mackerel in there."  Then, he pointed to the outhouse and said, "I don't suppose I need to tell you what we keep in there."

I’ve reached an age where my mind says, “Oh, I can do that.”  Then, my body says, “Really?  Try it and you’ll be sorry, and I won’t hold your beer, either.”

While you’re reading this, did you realize this is the oldest you’ve been and the youngest you’ll ever be again?  And did you know that every day you think about history?  Such as:  “I remember when I was a teen and……”, “Just yesterday I was thinking about making a pie.”  “The weather was so unpredictable in March.”  See, each thought about a time before right now is considered HISTORY.  You’re welcome.

Children do not always believe our warnings as parents, especially when shopping.  I have always told my children, “Stay with me, do not stray, tell me if you want to go look at something because I will keep on walking and perhaps leave without you.”  Sure enough, someone didn’t believe me.  As I was exiting the doors, over the loud speaker came, “If Trudy R. is still in the store, please come to the service desk and get your charming child who has eaten ½ a chocolate cake and is very messy.  Please hurry.”  I strolled to the service desk.  My look was ominous, so was the customer service representative’s.

PAREIDOLIA:  Seeing images in objects, such as clouds, cut wood, random tile, etc.  It is a sign of a very imaginative and creative mind.  There are books with pictures of this.  

                                          Peace, comfort, and hugs.  Trudy J