2020 September FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

 

                                2020 September FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

 

I was talking to a dear friend.  She always brings out the silliness in me making us both laugh very hard.  At our ages it can be a problem due to misplaced “tears”.  Sure enough, we started laughing uncontrollably.  When I caught my breath to speak I told her, “Sweetie, I’m going to have to hang up the phone.  The Depends I’m wearing is for light emissions; I’m passed that,” which ensued another round of hysterical laughing.

I’ve read that laughter is the safety valve of the heart.  With certain friends and people I interact with, I won’t be seeing a cardiologist anytime soon.

I’m sure most of you have had to deal with “eye rolling”.  That subtle, non-verbal “Oh here she/he goes again; I’m trapped having to listen to her/him; they don’t know what they’re talking about as they yabber on,” statement/thought process.  Well, if there ever is a sensor for detecting it behind one’s back, I’m screwed.

Aint Daisy had a little fella visiting her when I arrived.  He was sitting next to her on her flowered, overstuffed couch wiping away some tears.  I saw a fresh Band-aid on his knee.  “Aww, what happened, sweetie?” I inquired.  He sniffled and told me he’d fallen on the sidewalk when he’d come to see and keep Aint Daisy company.  He pays her a welcomed visit about every day.  Most of the little children in the area know her, enjoy visiting her often, and always know she’ll have a piece of pie or baked cookie ready for them.  She is always glad to see them and makes them feel special.  I mentioned the Band-aid, calling it a badge of courage.  He smiled and said, “It’s not a badge, yet.  I’m waiting for Aint Daisy to make it that way.”  Aint Daisy took out a marker and put a smiley face and star on the Band-aid.  “Now, I have a badge of courage, and I feel so much better,” he announced.  He got off the couch to go swing on the swing in the big oak tree a bit passed the front porch.  Aint Daisy watched him and said, “I guess it’s the little things that make things better.”  I agreed and told her, “Yes, and sometimes they have two legs.”

Homer the Greek: “The man who acts the least, disrupts the most.”  Boy, is that ever true.  I’d been in the deepest throes of dealing with dawdling children; a whining, hungry dog who wanted to go outside; the clock was ticking because it was about time to leave for school; and cooking a good breakfast.   SOMEONE just sat and watched.  The irritation was overwhelming, and I found the lack of action grounds for a “discussion.”  “I am just sitting here not doing anything!” he said, which was the lead-in for the encounter.  “ABSOLUTELY!! And that is what honks me off,” I fired back.  “I didn’t want to get in the way,” he feebly responds.  “That, also, honks me off!” I fire back.  “I can’t win,” he sighed.  “You’re catching on real quickly,” sending another “round” of ammunition.  Only in the wild does the lack of movement protect the animal from attack.

I know someone who works in a fiber factory.  They told me the crew asked the owner for a raise.  The owner, after they stopped laughing, told them not at this time, and for them to get back to work.  The angry crew all said, “Knot going to happen.  There’s knot a thread of hope until we get our raise, so don’t string us along.”

When my kids were little, I would introduce different veggies for them to eat.  The rule in my home was: "Eat just one bite, that's all which is required." I made sure I didn't serve veggies which usually are rejected at young ages. We, also, grew some of our veggies and that, too, was an incentive until one had a bright idea to give names to the different veggies. Then, "I can't eat Tom; I can't eat Korrin; I can't eat Barbie.  I’ll be hurting her/him," was announced.

I have a friend who is a librarian.  She posted a message on their announcement page which told the patrons thinking that to kill the corona virus will work by microwaving the book is a big mistake.  She said, “If the book has a magnetic sensor in it, it will fry the book and destroy your microwave.”  I asked her, “What about cook books?”  I haven’t heard from her, yet.

Daddy had often told me to have good character and not tarnish the family name.  I started thinking recently about what good character is.  I was reading a book, PEARLS OF WISDOM, written by Doro Bush Koch (daughter of President George H.W. and Barbara Bush).  Mrs. Bush stated, “Good character is telling the truth, knowing the difference between right and wrong, tolerance and intolerance, having the moral filter to pick the right way.”  When I read that, I started thinking of other things which demonstrate good character:  treating others the way you want to be treated, showing respect, being kind even when you want to be difficult, laughing at yourself, giving thanks for your blessings and trials (trials build strength), don’t whine---everyone has tough moments in life, and helping yourself when it would be easier to ask someone else.  Bad character------well, it’s just the opposite.

In Illinois the DMV has extended the renewal of licenses and license stickers to October.  However, some have not gotten the message and are forming lines at the facility I go to.  The forward movement of the line reminded me of the grade school cake walk; there was, also, a picture of a sloth at the window.  How appropriate.  This creature moves so slowly, mold and mildew form on its coat.  I checked my arms.

I went grocery shopping last week.  I got a box of Cherrios and some other cereal.  When I got home, I started putting the items away.  I put the box of Cherrios on the counter.  Later when I was busy being Dolly Domestic, one of the kids asked if there was anything to snack on.  I told them there was a box of giant Cherrios on the counter in the kitchen.  The found them and called to me, “Mom, these aren’t giant Cherrios----they are glazed donuts!!”  Man, I hate it when that happens.

It was a very hot, sultry day in central Illinois---almost like central Florida weather.  The humidity was so thick it hung in the air like a lace curtain.

I didn’t accept a friend’s request on Facebook from Capt. Morgan.  He wanted to go on a 3-hour cruise.  You know how that turned out.  General Mills asked me to be his friend on Facebook.  NOPE, he’s a cereal killer.  Chef Alpo wanted me to try his meatloaf.  Yuck!!!  It tasted like dog food.  Don’t believe you’ll, Win Dixie.  Ha!!  They’ll start a war. 

Brenduhh came over all excited.  “Trudy, I had to replace one of the tires on my car, and I’ll be prosperous and happy for 365 days.   The salesman told me it’ll be a Good Year.  I can’t wait to see what happens.”  I didn’t want to deflate her joy, so I kept quiet.

Names I’ve found:  Beau Zoh---president of a clown school; Wendy Dae---meterologist for a Chicago weather station; Greg E. Lectrick----his mom called him “Sparky”.

Jellyfish have survived 650 years despite not having a brain.  Wow!!  There’s hope for some people.

We are owned by two cats.  One is aloof and independent; the other is our love-bug and likes to be held and cuddled.  I wasn’t feeling very well one day and being left alone was helping me.  That was until “Love Bug” decided to come and sit all over me thinking her purr therapy would help.  I think I’ll call her, “Doc” from now on.            PEACE AND HARMONY TO YOU, Trudy 😊

2020 August FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

                                            2020 August FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

 I had some extra money one time and asked my Daddy what I should invest in.  He thought and wisely said, "I suggest you invest in some land.  It's not being made anymore."  He was not easy to "read"; he kept his feelings to himself.  But, if you took the time to listen to him and watch his eyes (they gave a lot of information), you'd catch on to some of his opinions.  A lady came to visit Mother one day.  She knocked at the open front door.  Daddy was in his chair close enough to be heard.  He looked up, saw who it was, and said, "Entrails"; she came into the house.  Mother greeted her and then they went into the living room.  I mentioned to Daddy I'd heard him say, "entrails" instead of "enter".  His eyes twinkled as he told me to think about what he'd said.  That was his covert way of indicating his disdain for that person.  Entrails are not considered pleasant.

I found out they're not making yardsticks any longer.  When bed linens are transported to your house from a company, is it called, “shipped sheets”; and, if fertilizer is moved the same way, is it called “shipped shi**”? Say those 2 three times fast.  Now you’ve done LINGUAL LOCUTIONS.

My daughter and I were texting about the sourdough starter she had made and needed to use.  I've made sourdough bread many times and know it can be tricky, especially when the air pressure is fluctuating and it's raining.  I have a microphone on my texting feature which saves me from typing with one finger.  I used the microphone feature in a message about what she needs to do with her bread making when it's a rainy day.  Here is what was sent, "Due to the rain and Barbara motor you need to turn it into pancakes nut bread."    She returned the text with, "What is 'Barbara motor' and 'pancakes nut bread'?"  After I quit laughing, I typed "Due to the rain and barometer, you need to turn it into pancakes, not bread."  Auto-correct can really be interesting.

During the stupidity demonstrations and mindless shootings of some people, there were “condition alerters” who would post on Facebook what was happening and where, but they were not specific as to where.  I posted a plea:  Dear alert informers, PLEASE give your location when you tell of and "active shooter 25 miles from here" or "in the next town east/west/south/north of here". It will help those who are on the verge of worry coupled with scared. I say this, because posted on my wall was an announcement from someone telling there was an active shooter 25 miles from them. Shit fire, Sadie, I was running for the maps to find out where. I had to stop by the bathroom, too!!!

HOW COME DEPARTMENT

1.  We never hear any father-in-law jokes?  2.  When kids are on vacation they’re up at the crack of dawn,  but on school mornings you have to drag them out of bed?  3.  Coumadin is a prescribed drug and costs a lot of money, but aspirin does the same thing and is so inexpensive?  4.  Public restroom stalls have doors which swing in making it almost impossible to maneuver your butt, packages, purse, and coat to shut the dang thing?  Then, when you do get it shut and everything put down or hung up, there is barely enough time to undo your clothes before you wet yourself?  Why bother to try?

Beloved and I were talking about officers in the military.  He told me of a very tough master sergeant he had had when he was in the Army.  He told me, “He had 3 stripes up and 3 stripes down, a star, and hatch marks on his arm.”  “Wow, that’s amazing!” I said with astonishment, “Did he have them on his sleeve, too?”  Beloved did that eye rolling thing…twice, and then told me to go away.  I smirked all the way out.

In the 1400’s a law was made that a man could only beat his wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb.  Thus, “rule of thumb” is how this came about.  Hmm, glad I wasn’t around then.  I’d create a law that said, “Woman may only smack her husband on the head with a wooden block that is the size of his head.”  Thus, this is where the term “BLOCKHEAD” would come from.

My daughter, Della, and I were texting each other around 6:45 a.m.  I told her I'd just awakened and my brain was still fuzzy.  The conversation went on merging into The Adams Family and the character Lurch.  She mentioned she liked the character.  I told her he was humorously ominous and lugubrious.  There was a long pause in our exchange of texts.  She responded, "It's waaaaay toooooo early for that mess of terms.  Your brain is awake, now!!"  I couldn't help not laughing out loud.

Brenduhh came over with a pack of chicken legs.  She was befuddled about them.  "Trudy, take a look at these chicken legs.  I don't know if they're back legs or front legs."  I told her it didn't matter and to just enjoy them when she cooked them.  I didn't want to give her a lesson in leg count of animals...she'd get confused.

Well I know I'm getting old.  I hardly did anything today and dang, I need a nap to continue.

This covid virus!!  Gods!!!!  We’re told to wear face masks so if we have the virus it will retard the spreading of it through air vapors and so we don’t inhale it, either.  Well, in my thinking and knowledge our stomachs and intestines harbor e-coli, which is deadly.  Rolling around in our intestines, due to some foods, is the creation of methane gas which when expelled can be harmful.  So, when we expel gas we’re expelling two harmful things.  Maybe we should wear butt masks.

“Time equals flavor.” That statement was said when a friend of mine was making some of her delicious soup, and I was anxious to have a bowl of it. I've thought about it and totally agree when it comes to making soup. But, then it dawned on me it can apply to life, too. All one's been through, all their trials, tribulations, smiles, frowns, and rejoices make you the person you are today. All those experiences happened over time, lots of time. My grand-dog, Mabel, greets me every time I see her with a lick on my hand, and then gently puts my hand in her mouth. My grandson said, “Gram, she likes your flavor!” At 75, time has made me flavorful.

Recently in the news was the arrest of a man who was in Walmart fondling women.  He was detained by security and arrested by the police.  Had it happened to me, I would have been having a chat with the police for the announcement of “clean-up in aisle 5”.

 Anything you need to learn, which is worthwhile, gets harder before it gets easier.  “Although gold dust is precious, when it gets in your eyes, it obstructs your vision.” -Hsi-Tang

My grandson told me he was having “ass-fixiation” issues after eating a can of pork and beans.  I told him the term was “asphyxiation” and spelled it for him.  He said, “No Gram, it’s what I said because I keep farting.”  I had to sit down I was laughing so hard.  

I don’t know if your mother was a guilt tripper, but mine was.  I think she was the queen of them.  Her famous one was: “Oh, do what you want to.”  This creates total confusion in a kid and later an adult.  First you think “Wow! Finally I’m going to be able to do what I want and she won’t get angry.”  Then, reality sets in with, “Are you delusional?  In order to not get the Artic zone shoulder for the next 3 weeks, you’d be real smart to do what she wants you to do.”  Of course, when you finally do what she wants, she passively-aggressively slips in “Don’t you ever think for yourself?”  One day I just decided I’d had enough of the guilt tripping tactic.  She started; so, I went to the closet and got a suitcase; put some things in it, and walked down the stairs to the front door.  She, of course, saw the whole thing and asked, “Now just where are you going, young lady?”  I told her, “Well, I’m going on that guilt trip you’re giving me.”  I still got the Artic zone shoulder treatment for a while, but I overheard her telling Daddy what I’d done and said.  He replied drolly, “She has a good idea there.”  Daddy was brave.

Peace………..Trudy                                                                                                                       

2020 July FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

                                              2020 July FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

During the difficult times of the “lock down” tempers flared, sadness surfaced quickly, and some had trouble trying to find humor in little things.  I saw a sign at a cemetery entrance---“Any cemetery visitor MUST wear a mask while outside a vehicle.”  Really???  I told it to my friend who has a warped sense of humor.  She said, “Well, the 6 feet of social distancing is already in place, but if one of those corpses coughs, I’m going to need a DEPENDS, not a mask.”  I told her, “I’m sure you will and you’ll wear it with poise.”

I’ve wondered how cashiers are feeling with all the masks on the faces of customers.  I’d be thinking, “Alright, which one is going to ask for all the money in the cash register?  How will I describe that robber to the police?  I can hear the description now --- ‘Well, they were wearing tattered jeans, a green t-shirt, had uncut hair, and a mask.’”  Sometimes I don’t mind wearing them especially when I’ve gone to the big-box-got-most-merchandise-from-another-country store.  I don’t know why some people think they can talk ugly, use nasty words, and such to others, especially children.  The masks (a.k.a. “face diapers”) seem to muffle the waste coming out of their mouth, though.

I read where a Maryland restaurant purchased ‘bumper tables’ that look like giant inner tubes to keep customers 6 feet apart.  Can you imagine the game of “Bumper Tables” after a few strong beers?  I, also, read that in certain Catholic churches there is a drive-through confessional. The priest will use a squirt gun to anoint one with holy water.  The super-soaker guns are for repeat offenders.  Oh my gosh, the visual is cracking me up.

I believe in most holistic applications to better health.  I use a lot of them.  One day I was complaining to Aint Daisy about some aches and pains I was having.  She recommended I rub some olive oil and Epsom salts on the areas and report to her the results.  I went home and did what she suggested.  Later that day I went back to tell her the results.  “Well, what did you find with that application, chile?”  I told her, “I don’t know if I did something wrong or not, but all I felt was oilier and saltier.”  “Yep, that’s part of the results.  Did you feel as much discomfort rubbing all that around?” she asked.  “Actually, no I didn’t.  I thought it sort of strange, too.”  “Well, ya see, when you keep thinking about your troubles and discomfort they just stay.  When you do something else to try to help yourself it sort of goes away or gets less.  Besides, welcome your aches and pains; they let you know you’re not dead.”  I couldn’t help but laugh at that last statement.

Brenduhh came over for breakfast.  I served grits, eggs, and fruit.  As she looked at the grits, she asked what it was.  I told her, “Well, some call it ‘ice cream of the South.’”  She looked puzzled saying, “It’s hot.  Ice cream is not hot.  What is it, Trudy?”  I told her it was called grits. She took a bite and showed displeasure.  “What’s in this stuff?” she quizzed.  I told her, “It’s ground corn, salt and butter, sort of like popcorn or whole kernel corn,” I informed her.  “You have me so confused, now.  First you tell me it’s ice cream; then you tell me it’s like popcorn; then to tell me it’s like whole kernel corn.  I don’t know which one it is, so I’m not going to eat it.”  I wasn’t really sad she didn’t like it.  I love grits, and her refusal left more for me. During her visit she told me she was getting an adult sheep and putting a lawn chair on its back.  Of course I asked why.  She told me, “It’s a riding lawn mower and fertilizer spreader all in one.”

I have trouble with artificial intelligence.  I keep thinking, “All that has to happen for a huge goof-up is the electrical connection to be un-plugged.  Why should time be spent on artificial intelligence; natural stupidity needs to be worked on, instead.

My friend called to tell me she had a migraine.  It wasn't real bad and her cat was snuggled against her neck purring away.  I told her, "There is scientific proof that cat purring is medicinal. The gentle vibration calms and soothes the nerves. Of course, if the cat is on your face, there is a suffocation issue, and there may be a rejection of said medicinal contact."  She laughed and asked if there was a charge for this medical advice.

I learned how to count to one in a traffic jam------Daddy showed me. He said he couldn't count any higher at the time.

When you learn a little, you feel you know a lot, but when you learn a lot, you realize you know very little.  The more I know, the more I know I know less.

My mother-in-law was rather difficult, very opinionated, and disliked me.  I tried to be respectful and polite every time I was around her.  One time her attitude and behavior toward me was just too much.  We were talking about books we were reading.  She mentioned she had read "The Exorcist", but didn't finish it.  She said it was so evil she threw it in the pond out in their back yard.  She told me certain characters reminded her of me.  I kept quiet.  A few days later we had to go to visit her.  On the way there I spied a bookstore.  I went in and bought another "The Exorcist" book and put it in my purse.  When we arrived, I mentioned I had to use the bathroom which was located close to her bedroom.  While she chatted with my husband, I took my book out of my purse in the bathroom, ran some water over it, sprinkled some sand on it from a planter she had in there, and put it in the drawer of her night stand where she kept her reading material.  I think I'm going to hell.

My friend's son is very reserved, quiet, and pensive.  She wonders about his happiness at times.  She said to him, "Sweetie, I'm such an extrovert; I have trouble reading you sometimes. Are you a happy person?" The sweetie, "I'd like to think I am. This pandemic is the best thing that could have happened to an introvert." ~Sheepish grin~

Brenduhh and my daughter, Della, came over for some iced tea.  During the course of the sipping and chatting, Brenduhh kept looking at Della.  She asked her, "Della, did you cut your hair?"  Della, without missing a beat replied, "No, I washed it and it shrank."  Brenduhh looked at her with a very surprised expression and said, “Really!?”

Some of you have noticed I sometimes use a “?” and an “!” together.  This English punctuation is legal.  It is called “an interrobang”.  There are terms for things which you may not realize.  Here are some which will be good to throw into a conversation should it wane:  the rumbling of your stomach is called “wamble”; the way  the air smells after it rains is “petrichor”; the day after tomorrow is “overmarrow”; your little toe or finger is a “minimus”; the difficulty of having to get out of bed (especially on Monday morning) is called “dysinia”; the language most children understand but fathers/men do not is called “Mommese” (I fluently speak it and sarcasm).

When school was in session, I had an angry mother tell me, “I’m going to have your job!!”  Her child was one of the worst behaved I had, by the way.  Well, home schooling for everyone came into the picture in March.  I made a phone call to her and said, “So, how do you like my job, and how’s it going?”  I laughed and even went for the snort.

Shopping is an adventure down memory lane, anymore.  I was going merrily on my way in an aisle.  Another customer said to me, “You’re going the wrong way.  Didn’t you see the arrows?”  I said, “Criminies, I didn’t even see the Indians, Hoppy, Gene, Roy, the Lone Ranger, or Tonto.

“MOM! What’s for supper!” called out the famished teen.  “We’re having ‘surprising train wreck’,” 

I called back.  Supper was served at the usual time.  He sat down, surveyed the selections and grumbled,

“This is nothing but leftovers.  It’s not anything new.”  “Yes it is leftovers; it’s left over leftovers which

 is surprising to me considering you’re an eating machine.  So, it’s ‘Left over leftovers, surprise!’ 

 Mangiare,” said in perfect Italian!!” 

Until next month, smiles and blessings to you.  Trudy

2020 June FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

                                          2020 June FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

In May there was a riddle going around which asked, “There are 34 people in a room.  You enter the room and kill 5 of them.  How many are in the room?  I was amused at the different answers and decided to add my calculation.  Here is what I wrote, “Actually, there are 53:  35 in the room to begin with; 5 police officers to investigate and arrest your butt; coroner and the assistant; 10 men to load the bodies and take them somewhere, one reporter for the newspaper, and a partridge looking for a pear tree.

I talk to my dear friend in Florida, often. At the end of our conversation this particular time, I told her I had to go pick up my daughter from work.  She told me to drive carefully.  She knows I’m a careful driver, but I decided my response would be legendary.  “Nope, not gonna do it.  I’m going to drive like I’m at the Indy 500.  Some will cheer, some will gasp, and there will be some chasing after me with pretty lights flashing on the top of their cars.” 

“Momm, I feel pretty important,” said one of my loves years ago.  Trying not to burst their teenaged bubble, I agreed with them, but cautioned them to not take it as seriously as they were.  Evidently they’d not listened as closely as I’d hoped.  They came home about a week later and were upset.  They’d lost their “pretty important” position.  Gently I encouraged them to come outside and look at the stars.  I was hoping to be able to use the heavens as a didactic tool.  “Look at all those stars,” I said.  “Do you know that each one has a place of importance until it wanes in its brilliance?  It won’t necessarily be forgotten because it served a purpose for a certain amount of time in a certain place.  Then another moves in.”  I watched as the child mentally ruminated what I’d said.  They asked, “Momm, could you put that in simpler terms, please?”  Lovingly I said, “Yes; the next time you fluff yourself up with thinking you’re “pretty important”, go look at the stars.  It will put everything in perspective.”

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

I read that a recent study found dark chocolate helps in treating coughs more than codeine; codeine is sometimes used in cough medicines.  The chemical, theobromine, is in chocolate.  “Subjects were given a 1,000 mg. theobromine tablet…the equivalent of about five Hershey’s Special Dark bars, or over 1,000 calories!”  Coupled with a few glasses of wine to help me relax, I’m not going to care if I’ve exceeded the calorie limit for the day.  Sometimes the “old” medicine isn’t so bad.

I grew up in the fifties with practical parents---a mother, God bless her, who washed aluminum foil after she cooked in it, then reused it.  A father, God bless him, who was happier getting old shoes fixed than buying new ones.  My parents weren’t poor---“just satisfied and comfortable,” Daddy would say.  Their marriage was good, their dreams focused.  Their best friends lived barely a wave away.  I can see them now, Daddy in trousers, an old shirt and his favorite grey sweater, Mother in a house dress---lawn mower in his hand, dishtowel in hers.  It was a time for fixing things:  a curtain rod, the kitchen radio, screen door, the oven door, and the hem in a dress.  Things you keep.  It was a way of life, and sometimes it made me crazy.  All that re-fixing, re-heating, re-newing, I wanted just once to be wasteful.  Waste meant affluence.  Throwing things away meant there’d always be more. On two cold Spring mornings in the chill of the rooms, I was struck with the pain of learning that sometimes there isn’t any “more.”  Sometimes what you care about most, gets all used up and goes away, never to return, except for the memories.  So, while you have it, it’s best to love it and care for it and fix it when it’s broken and heal it when it’s sick.  That’s true for marriage and old cars and children with bad report cards and dogs with bad hips and aging parents.  You keep them because they’re worth it, because you’re worth it.  Some things you keep---like a best friend that moved away or a classmate you grew up with.  There are just some things that make life important…people you know are special…and you KEEP them close!  May each of you keep the other close.

My beloved, Guy, prided himself in being accurate at what he does.  “After all, I was in military intelligence where accuracy is very important; and, I majored in geography and political science in college where accuracy is, also, very important,” was his rationale.  One day he had to count his daily medicine to make sure he had enough for the trip we were preparing to go on.  Later that day he realized he’d made a mistake in counting--- he’d forgotten to take into count the medicine he has to take twice a day.  He kept lamenting about his mistake indicating he was having a lot of trouble accepting that he’d made an error.  To help him put his error in perspective I said, “Well, at least this wasn’t a goof-up I’ve had to bring to your attention.  You need to be rejoicing about me not saying anything.”  With that, he retorted, “I think I’ll start admitting my mistakes frequently just to keep you quiet.”  Smart ass

I’ve lived in the city and in the country.  The measure of distance and time is different---the country one is the most colorful---not as exact as city.  Here are examples of country which I’ve known:  Next door = 1-2 minutes; Right up the road = 5-10 minutes; A couple ‘a miles = 10-20 minutes; not too far = 20-50 minutes; A little ways = over an hour; A pretty good drive = 2 hours+.  “Down yonder; as the crow flies; a good piece; to the hard road” all these expressions of distance and time factor depend on the terrain.  Hill/mountainous…you can bet it is going to take more time than if it is flat land; and then there is “ya might wanna pack a snack”.

Brenduhh came over for a chat and tea.  During the conversation, I mentioned, "A blue whale can make a fart bubble so big a horse could fit in it."  I saw the hamster wheel of her mind turning and braced for something coming from her thinking.  "If a blue whale can make a fart bubble so big a horse could fit in it, what kind of horse would it be?  You know, Trudy, there are many different sizes of horses from the very large Shires to the very little miniature horse.  And, who was under the whale measuring the fart bubble, and don't you think the methane gas in that bubble would knockout the person measuring the bubble?  What about the vibration of releasing the fart; wouldn't that be too much vibration to hold the measuring instrument?"  Good questions, but I wasn't ready to engage her in the answers---I was afraid of what would be said or more questions from her.

I noticed in May a daily planner for 2020 was on sale for $1.00.  Boy, talk about a waste of money on that item!

There have been times I’ve thought and even said, “Are you that stupid?” only to have someone take it as a challenge and another say, “Here, hold my beer.”  I, also, know someone who is not real sharp with their thinking.  In fact, if their brain was a knife, it wouldn’t cut running water.

Sometimes English words just don’t make sense.  I was using the numbers---primary, secondary---to represent position and came to the third position calling it “Thirdiary”.  I was saying this to my big Guy.  He asked me to stop and questioned, “What is ‘thirdiary’?”  I told him, “It’s the number three position like first is primary, second is secondary; so, third would be thirdiary.”  He shook his head, laughed and told me, “That seems logical to you, but the third position is called ‘TERTIARY’, the fourth position is called ‘QUARTARY, and the fifth position is ‘QUINARY’, and so on.”  I thanked him for the information with, “Thank you for your tertiary quartary leading to a quinary of multitudinous supplications and a partridge in a pear tree.”  He told me to go away…imagine that!

The more I know, the more I know I don’t know.   During the quarantine/pandemic/lock-in/stay-at-home-stay-safe time we’ve had, I learned there is so much one can do to keep busy and pass the time.  I didn’t know one could dust so often and still find more to whish away, nor that I have more “stuff/blessings” that I ever realized; that sometimes loved ones get on the last nerve, but you don’t want to mention it because you know they’ll tell you the same thing about you; that peanut butter and jelly can be gourmet; that a simple “I love you” can bring tears of joy, gratefulness, and humility.  But, most of all, awakening to another day is what it’s all about----awakening to ANOTHER day.  May you have many more days in which to awaken. 

Hugs, blessings, and many smiles---Trudy

2020 May FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

                                  2020 May FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

MAY!!!  My how time has flown…..well, for some of us it has.  The lockdown and staying at home more than usual has not bothered me as much as some.  That’s because I’m pretty much a home body as it is and go to stores only when necessary.  As I get older (wiser), I don’t enjoy being among the crowds, rudeness, pushing, coughing, sneezing, bad odors, standing in line for longer than it took to birth one of my children, and all that.  With all that said, I do truly hope you have done better with the isolation and challenges than you expected.  I find it amazing what one is really able to tolerate when forced to.  Smiles and blessings to you.

When one of my children was young, they were very apprehensive of thunder storms.  The sound scared them.  I told them it was God bowling.  We had a family outing at a local bowling alley.  Two bowlers made strikes one right after the other.  My child said, “Get the umbrellas out, God’s gonna make rain in here!”

8 year old Isabella asked her 17 year old sister, Emma, “Who is Thomas Jefferson?”  Emma, being an excellent student, explained in detail who he was and what he did.  Isabella said, “You’re talking smart, and I don’t understand what you’re saying.”  Thanks Andy and Liz

April is in the season of Spring, but no one told Mother Nature.  It had been usual Spring temperatures---in the 50s and 60s.  On April 17, we awakened to 2 inches of snow and temperatures in the 30s.  Mother Nature was obviously off her meds and we were in “SPRINTER” season.

Luke, age 8 years old, was at home doing his school work like all the other kids, but had plans for fun.  His mom said, “Luke, do you want to get your homework going now or me do my makeup first and then knock it out?”  Luke replied, “After makeup….put on a lot, Mom.”  The procrastination statement---priceless.  Thank you, Chrissie, for this gem.

We came home from Sunday school where the kids had learned about the Bible verse, “You come from dust and so you’ll return as dust.”  I noticed some dust “bunnies” and crumbs on the floor and got out the vacuum. My most impressionable one would not let me plug in the machine.  I questioned them as to why.  They innocently said, “Well, with all that dust, this room is a birthing room or cemetery.”

My friend’s hubby is a mortician.  After their 6 children went to school, the 3 dogs were put outside, and the 3 cats were napping somewhere, my friend called me to come over for coffee.  When I arrived, I met her hubby at the door.  He had a huge smile on his face.  I greeted him and told him to have a nice day.  He said with a laugh, “Thanks, I do every day.”  He saw my puzzled look and responded, “It’s the only place I can have peace and quiet.”

Brenduhh was working the cash register.  A customer laid a bag of birdseed to buy on the conveyor belt .  Brenduhh scanned it and asked the customer, “How long does it take birds to grow from this?”                                          Peace and hope, Trudy :)

2020 April FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

2020 April FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

With the outbreak of the crono-virus, I guess I was destined to have sickness hit my home.  I did everything I could think of to prevent it, but alas, it was sneaky.  I asked the “doc” to tell me why my computer wasn’t working well.  He said, “I’m sorry to say, it’s a virus.”

Her eyebrows were knit together and there was discernment oozing from her soul as I approached her.  “What’s wrong, Aint Daisy?  I’ve not seen that look on your pretty face for a long, long time.”  She shifted her position and handed me a letter she’d received.  “Just look at that mess on that paper.  Why, I could hardly read it.  It’s so sloppy and the ink is smudged.  I could overlook it if that person had a tremor or something wrong with them, but they don’t.  It’s disgraceful and an insult to me.”  Oh my, she was so irritated, and it was just a little letter, in my opinion.  “Why are you so upset about just a little letter not looking real good?”  I gently inquired.  “Well, it’s this way.  When you plan to visit someone you try to look nice, don’t you?  It’s the same way with writing a letter----you should want it to look nice to the reader.  All that mess tells me, ‘You’re not important enough to write nicely and have a clean presentation.’  I believe that if your signature is on it, you should make sure it’s as good as it can be if you don’t have a condition to prevent nice penmanship, and that goes for doing something, too.”  I had a lot of food for thought.

“Nobody cares how much you know until they know how much you care.”  Grief…..the dues you pay to care.  When my children were little, I occasionally had to smack their butt.  One asked why I did that.  I told them, “Because I care about you.”  Their retort, “Well, do you have to care so much?”  Never ignore someone who cares for you, because someday you’ll realize you’ve lost a diamond while you were collecting stones.

My daughter mentioned on a public forum she was marathon watching J.R.R. Tolkien; however, she typed “J.R. Tolkien.”  A friend told her, “You forgot an R!”  she replied, “I know he has 2 Rs, but it just seemed a little redundant.”

My son-in-law asked my daughter if she’d like to have eggs and a bagel for breakfast.  She told him she would.  He asked what she wanted on her bagel; she told him, “Cream cheese.”  He grumbled, “Why do you have to be difficult!”  It was very funny to me because when he cooks, it is VERY plain and simple fare, and he considered cream cheese fancy.  Their cat’s expression was: 0_o as if to say, “Huh?”

During the pandemic and strong suggestion of, “stay in your home”, someone posted, on FACEBOOK, a floor plan of a house with the title, “LOOKING AT THE MAP FOR WEEK-END TRAVEL IDEAS”.  I responded with, “I have a 12 room house.  I may have to pack a lunch.”

A few years ago, I was to meet my friend, Carole, at a restaurant for lunch.  The waiting on each other to arrive at the restaurant we were waiting was amusing.  Here are our renditions of the wait and the lunch.  Enjoy!!!

Here is Carole's version of lunch today: OK, here's how lunch went:
1. Sat in the parking lot at Biaggi's for 35 minutes, no Trudy.
2. Look for my phone to see if she called, no phone.
3. Drive back home and see 3 calls from Trudy.
4. Call Trudy back, she is at another restaurant that starts
with a B.
5. She thought I was dead and went ahead and ordered
6. I went to the other B restaurant and we had pizza.
7. We talked and Trudy snorted twice.
Here is my version:                                                                                                                                                                  1.. Sat in the restaurant for over 60 minutes waiting for Carole.
2. Called her cellphone and her house multiple times (lost count after 3)
3. Started worrying because being this late is not Carole's style (she likes to eat out with friends too much and is usually on time.)
4. 2 gals I didn't know heard me tell the waitress I was waiting for a friend. They finished their pizza's and started to leave.
5. They turned around and asked me where my friend was; I told them I didn't know and was starting to worry.
6. They left; I continued to worry imagining all sort of horror.
7. After not getting an answer to the last phone call to Carole, I ordered my pizza. When it was 1/2 way done, Carole called (she's good at timing at a "point of no return" situation.)
8. She called and asked where I was. I was so relieved I momentarily forgot and had to look at the sign. I told her, "Brienzo's".
9. She told me she was at Biaggi's. I didn't know where that was and thought I was at the right place.
10. She arrived 10 minutes after the call; the pizza arrived 15 minutes after the call.
11. I told her the restaurants were similar in spelling; both had a B, an I, and an S. How could I have been wrong???
12 We laughed a lot, yep, I went for the snort 2 times.
13. We agreed she'd have her phone the next time, and we'd tell where the restaurant was.
I went to the store the other day.  I picked up a large package of white paper products.  When I got home I checked it and saw that I’d picked paper towels instead of toilet paper.  I checked my supply area and found 1.5 more packages of white paper towels.  Well, I have a nice supply of those which will probably last me until Christmas since I don’t use paper towels very often.  I guess Christmas wrapping paper will be the “quicker picker upper” this year.
I’ve noticed since the “stay home-stay safe” order has been in effect, I have no one calling from India or the Middle East telling me about my vehicle warranty needing some attention.  However, I’m getting ready just in case they call.  I’m writing my script and learning numbers in archaic, remote lands’ languages.  Oh, I’m going to have fun with those callers; they’ll probably hang up on me…...imagine that.
Peace, hugs, and smiles to you-------- Trudy :)

2020 March FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

 2020 March FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

Didja Know Department: *In a 5 card poker game, there are a possible 2,598,960 hands. *People with red hair have more hair than blonds; people with brunette hair have more hair than blonds. Draw your own conclusions, folks. *The Basque language is the most difficult to learn.  This language group of people lives in NW Spain and SW France.  And you thought English was tough!  *You can’t gently touch someone when you are very angry with them.  *Most men choose a woman for a wife who has the traits he admires in his mother; women usually choose a man who has the admirable traits of their father.  *The aweta, an Australian caterpillar-like creature, dies from the only food it feeds on.  Well, if I’m eating cheesecake when it’s my time to go, I hope I’ve finished the last bite.  *There is not a single inch of railroad track in the whole country of Afghanistan. Not much country to look at anyway.  *Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you.  Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch it to be sure.  WELL, of course he does!!!  Why is it called “after dark” when it’s really “after light”?  How can a building burn up when it’s really burning down?  How can the Kool-Aid pitcher man crash through a glass door and not break?

My daughter knows someone who is an habitual liar.  She posted a statement which said, “You might as well tell the truth to begin with because your lies will be found out.’’ I asked her how she knew that person was lying.  Her response, “Well, their mouth moved.” 

My friend, an arrogant tennis player announced, she knew everything there was to know about tennis.  She told me to ask her a question about tennis.  I questioned her directive and she assured me she’d answer my question.  I volleyed with love, “All right.  How many holes are in a net?”  I still haven’t heard her answer.

I went over to Aint Daisy’s for some visiting and sweet tea.  As I approached her house, her two grandsons were loudly arguing back and forth to each other.  I knew how Aint Daisy felt about loud arguing and watched her as she handled the scene.  She leaned down and spoke softly to each of them one at a time.  Soon there was silence and smiles.  I was surprised because she had been so quiet and they’d been so loud, but whatever she said changed the interaction.  “Aint Daisy, what did you say to them and why did you whisper instead of talking above their yelling?” I inquired.  She smiled.  “Honey, I asked both of them if this interaction was what they wanted to remember of their relationship when they got older.  I whispered because one hears better when important words are softly spoken.”  She always amazes me.

Referring to the Aint Daisy incident, this came to mind:  You have to be silent to listen.  Silent and listen have the same letters.

I’ve been wondering if a wine cooler counts as one of the 5 fruits one is to have everyday.

Something you don’t want to do:  smack a kid on the cheek after they’ve sassed you when they are eating mashed potatoes.

“Love is like war---easy to begin, but difficult to sign off.”  I read this recently.  How true it is.  Take my love of cheesecake for example.  I start eating that stuff and can hardly stop.  Homemade stuffed pasta is also the same.  I remember a time I made some, ate it all, and had to make some more so no one would know I’d eaten everything.  I’ll just keep this little saying in mind for future reference.

Man is the only animal that brings another species into its home and calls it a “pet”.  Does that apply to husbands, too?

Girls, if it has testicles or tires you’re going to have a problem with it.  And, take a look at the word ‘MENOPAUSE”.  It starts with “men”.  ‘Nuf said about that.

There will be more next month.  Smiles and blessings to you.  Trudy

2020 February FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

                                            2020 February FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

February-----the month of love celebration and two of our presidents.  The ancient Romans may also be responsible for the name of our modern day of love. Emperor Claudius II executed two men — both named Valentine — on Feb. 14 of different years in the 3rd century A.D. Their martyrdom was honored by the Catholic Church with the celebration of St. Valentine's Day.  Hmmm, that surely wasn’t an act of love, and I bet there was no chocolate, flowers, or cards, either.  George Washington was an American political leader, military general, statesman, and Founding Father who served as the first president of the United States from 1789 to 1797. Previously, he led Patriot forces to victory in the nation's War for Independence.  He owned a plantation, had 30+ hunting dogs, crossed the Delaware River standing up in a boat (silly man) during the winter, endured a severe winter at Valley forge in 1777, and was very honest (you could take his word to the bank.  But, banks weren’t really organized until around 1791 by Congress and signed by George himself.)  He really didn’t want to be president; he was getting ready to retire to his home in Mount Vernon.  The public persuaded him, and there you are--------our first President.  Abraham Lincoln was considered the tallest president (6’4”).  He was known as a gifted storyteller and liked to tell jokes.  He educated himself and became a formidable opponent as an attorney.  He was the first president to have a full-beard.  He grew it upon the suggestion of a little girl.  He often stored things like letters and documents in his tall stove-piped hat (it wasn’t just to cover his head).  On the day he was shot, he told his bodyguard he’d had a dream he would be assassinated.  It was a very sad day in American history.

I have a friend who is a nurse.  She was very tired, but knew she needed to get groceries.  She asked her hubby to go get them because she wasn’t dressed.  He started taking off his clothes.

I recently saw this announcement:  “Welcome to being a parent of a teenager.  Prepare for a large amount of eye rolling, emotional outbursts, and thoughts of running away.  That’s just for the parents.”  To this I added, “What has been left out, but is truly in the "disorder" is: frequent hiding by the parent, buying a lot of CALGON hoping the commercial is true and it will take you away, stocking up on all the comfort foods you can hide from the teens, frequently referring to them as "teen terrorists-in-training", and many times of changing your mind about them in your will.”  Those of you who have had teens, have teens, or are merging into the parent of teens, totally know what I’m talking about.  Those of you who do not have teens….quit laughin!!!

“How lucky I am to have something that makes saying, 'Good-bye' so hard.”  A.A. Milne

Those of you who have dealt with questionable excuses from people might consider this “fact”:  “Excuses are actually veiled untruths wrapped in a pretty cloak.”  As a retired high school teacher, I've heard a lot of excuses and a lot of them were quite questionable.

Guy and I did a lot of talking together when we were in our chairs.  This particular day we were talking about the old TV programs with western heroes we used to watch as kids:  Roy Rogers, Gene Autry, Lash LaRoue, Sky King, Sgt. Preston of the Yukon, The Lone Ranger, Hopalong Cassidy, and others.  “It’s so great to reminisce,” I sighed.  Guy got very enthused and said, “Don’t leave out this one; you can’t forget…….” (long pause)  “What one are you talking about?” I asked.  “Just a minute, I haven’t forgotten it.  It’s…………… (longer pause).”  “You’ve forgotten, haven’t you?” I chided.  I guess he was feeling a bit huffy and growled, “NO, Damn it, I haven’t forgotten.  I just want to keep YOU guessing.”  I told him, “My name is not Damn It or have you forgotten that, too?”  “Oh, go away!” he growled.  “But, m'love, you'll miss me,” I chirped.  “How can I miss you if you don't go away,” he continued to snip.

Aint Daisy was watching her two grandchildren play dolls/house.  One child seemed to be the socialite dressing herself all pretty with the clothes in the old trunk, the old jewelry and shoes, and big, old hats.  "I'm going to a party in a great big house with lots of people.  They will think how grand I look and tell others to look at me," spouted the child.  The other dressed in pretty things, but not as fancy.  "I'm going to a party and I'll make all the cupcakes, cookies, punch, and tea sandwiches. I'll serve them to everyone using a really pretty plate with flowers on it, too,"  she said with pride.  I looked at Aint Daisy who had a wry smile on her face.  "What are you thinking?" I asked her knowing some gem of wisdom would spill from her lips.  "Oh, I'm just thinking about something I read once and have seen it be so true.  Seems this feller, Kalu Ndukwe Kalu told, 'The things you do for yourself are gone when you are gone, but the things you do for others remain as your legacy.'  Can you guess which child will be remembered for a long time?"

Whether you consider yourself a good father or a mediocre one, you are a father if you helped create another human.  You can’t buy that position, nor sell it.   Most any man can be a father, but it takes a real special one to be a daddy.  That is what I called mine, “Daddy”.  He was real special, very intelligent, taught me a lot, disciplined, funny, and loved my mother.  Good men do that.

If you can't be kind, be vague and quiet.

I don't sit around thinking about me dying; I just happened to think about it one day and my sense of humor kicked-in.  At 74, almost 75, I sometimes think about my funeral. No, I’m not being morose; I’m being practical because I know I probably don’t have 25 years more like I did when I was 50. I want a closed casket funeral. Towards the end of the service, I want the organist to play “Pop Goes the Weasel” over and over until everyone in attendance is staring at my coffin with silent, horrified anticipation. Then, I want “The Hokey Pokey” played a few times to see who will follow the directions. Teachers never die; they just wait for directions to be followed.  My cousin thought it would be great; others agreed with comments of, “That's you for sure; I'm laughing so hard tears are running down my cheeks; oh the mental visual is a riot.”  My daughter, who knows me so well, added, “I know you'll have the funeral on April 1, fling open the casket and yell, “April Fool's!!”

Daddy taught me, “Truth doesn't change, lies do,” and in all my years I've seen it to be correct.  I've, also, seen, “Truth is hate to those who hate the truth.”

99.9% of you know there are self-check out lanes.  Those of you who don't probably use INSTACART and don't leave your house.  I had a friend ask me when the W-2 for the stores' self-check will be sent out.  My response was, “The 5^th Tuesday in February.” My friend asked, “Is that the 30^th or 31^st?”  I responded with, “Either, it all depends on your skills at counting.”

Brenduhh came over wanting me to explain land form formations of our area.  I told her, “Just because I was married to a geographer does not mean I truly will be able to explain it to you.  Besides, I don't think I have enough time or crayons to explain it to you.”  So, I invited her to help me make lasagna, which is a delicious way to explain some land formations.  I know, you'll never look at lasagna the same way.  During her visit, I casually inquired, “What rhymes with orange?”  She thought for a moment and said, “No, it doesn't.”  My eyeballs got some exercise.

I close this month's edition with something I saw which is profound. 

“Never regret a day in your life.  Good days give you happiness, bad days give you experience, worst days give you lessons, and best days give you memories.”  I add, “Experience gives you wisdom learned from the bad days and lessons to use to enhance your memories.”

Peace and kindness to you,

Trudy