OCTOBER 2015 From My Perspective
This joke was sent to me by a friend. “A 7-year old and a 4-year old were upstairs
in their bedroom. “You know what?” says
the 7-year old. “I think it’s about time
we start swearing.” The 4-year old nods
his head in approval. “When we go
downstairs for breakfast, I’m gonna say hell, and you say ass. OK?” The 4 year old agrees with glee. The mother walks into the kitchen and asks
the 70year old what he wants for breakfast.
“Aw, hell Mom, I guess I’ll have some Cherrios.” WHACK!!!
He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the floor, got up and ran
upstairs crying. The mother looked at
the 4-year old and asked with a stern voice, “And what do YOU want for
breakfast, young man?” “I don’t know,”
he blubbers, “but you can bet your ass it won’t be Cherrios.” This is a segue to a personal happening along
the same lines as the joke: I remember the time, 1959, I was in the dining room and
Mother was entertaining her bridge club of ladies in the living room. I had a girlfriend
with me and I expressed my irritation at my boyfriend cancelling our date for
that night. "It really pisses me off," I grumbled to her. The ladies
stopped talking, and I heard Mother say, "Excuse me for a minute."
She appeared in the dining room, grabbed my long ponytail and
"encouraged" me to join her in the basement. "If you EVER say
something like that again, you'll wish you had not," she said through her
clenched teeth looking like a crazed rodent. Then she yanked my hair growling,
"Do you understand?" To this day the word "piss" or any
form of it seldom falls from my lips. I can still see Mother's face.
19 year old decided {yep! She had
a choice} to act very nasty. I told her
she was being an ass. She told me not to
say that word. I told her, “It describes
your behavior which you’ve chosen.” I
told her, when she told me again to not say that word, “I’ve only just begun,
Kiddo.” “It’s your job/responsibility to
make me happy,” she screamed. I laughed
all the way out the door, into the car and as I drove away. I left to save her life!
By the age of six the average child will have completed the
basic American education. ... From television, the child will have learned how
to pick a lock, commit a fairly elaborate bank holdup, prevent wetness all day
long, get the laundry twice as white, and kill people with a variety of
sophisticated armaments. -Russell Baker, columnist and author (b. 14 Aug 1925)
Some PUNS I found:
Stealing someone’s coffee is called mugging. The other day I held the door open for a
clown; it was a nice jester.
Pasteurize: too far to see. No matter how much you push the envelope,
it’ll still be stationery. The ENERGIZER
bunny was arrested and charged with battery.
I put my Grandma on speed dial; I call that instagram. I’m reading a book about anti-gravity; I
can’t put it down. I’m glad I know Sign
Language; it’s pretty handy. Prisoners
use cell phones to call each other.
I have some questions:
Why are there 5 syllables in “monosyllabic”? Why is abbreviation so long? Why do some people get upset at a lot of
papers scattered on the floor, but think confetti is so much fun? Why do some kids have a wonderful time
running through a cold water sprinkler, but fuss with you when you tell them to
take a warm shower…and use soap?
A “BUTT” was a Medieval unit of measurement for wine. Technically, a butt load of wine is about 475
liters or 126 gallons. You’re welcome!!!
My girlfriend came over for a chat. She seemed a bit irritated at her teen aged
son. I asked her what the problem
was. She said, “Oh, Mike’s out spreading
some ‘wild oats’.” Trying to help her
feel a little better I said, “You know that’s typical late-teen boy.” “Oh I know, and I’m hoping for crop failure,” she mused.
“Anyone can give up; it's the easiest
thing in the world to do. But to hold it together when everyone else would
understand if you fell apart, that's true strength.” Unknown
My daughter-in-law, one of my gifts from God, told
of this sign she found. I’d like to
share it with you.
“People wonder why
I give so many compliments to strangers.
I’m not being fake, and I’m not looking for people to like me. But, if I pass someone and I like something,
I say it. ‘Love those shoes!’ or “Great
hair style.’ Why? Because life is hard
and this world can be a really tough place and people are mean. You never know how much those few words mean
to someone, you never know what hell they may be going through; and when you put positivity out there into the universe, YOU yourself become a
happier person. It’s hard to be nice and
be miserable yourself. It’ll reflect
from the outside in. I’m telling you random
compliment giving will change your life, and maybe someone else’s, too.”
What is a ghost gust? It’s a sudden rush of air by a spirit.
I enjoy watching gals eat
whatever they like and "pig-out" on all the fattening stuff. It doesn’t really bother me; I know it will
eventually get them in the end.
Did you ever wonder why it was so
peaceful in Mayberry with Andy, Opie, and Barnie. Well, no one was married. Those who were single were: Andy, Opie, Barney, Aunt Bea, Floyd, Howard, Goober,
Gomer, Sam, Earnest T. Bass, the Darlin family, Helen, Thelma Lou, and
Clara. In fact, the only one married was
Otis, and he stayed drunk.
I was taking a shower and saw a spider in there with me. It got sprayed with water. I’m not sure if it went down the drain or
willingly leaped to its death after seeing me naked. Either way, it’s gone.
People need to try to understand
that my patience with them is not really one of my virtues. I’m trying to stay calm so I don’t hurt them.
When Brenduhh came over, she told
me of one of the things she remembered about her childhood. “Trudy, I always thought my name was ‘No, No,
dimwit’ when I was a kid. Then, I’d go
to my grandma’s and she’d call me ‘Sweetheart.’” I smiled and told her, “I knew ALL my names
when I was growing up....every single one of them…all yelled together in a nano
second.”
A friend of mine and I were talking about being insulted by
another person’s statement(s). My
friend is very observant and has lived a long time. She said, “When someone tries to insult me I
think to myself, ‘Do I value that person’s opinion?’ If I know I don’t value their opinion, I
don’t feel insulted.”
I had some of a little cherry pie I bought at the store
yesterday. I kept eating it thinking/hoping it would get better. Alright!!! I
ate 1/2 of it. I'll give the other 1/2 to my daughter. She's not real crazy
about cherry pie...........maybe she'll give me her left-overs.
“Never tell people how to do things. Tell them
what to do and they will surprise you with their ingenuity.”
George S. Patton
Giant tarantulas keep tiny frogs as pets. Insects will eat the burrowing tarantulas’
eggs-so the spiders protect the frogs from predators, and in return the frogs
eat the insects. Hmmm, interesting.
Don’t you find it rather irritating when someone
accuses you of lollygagging when you are clearly dilly dallying? Yeesh!
This is an observation which has been over a long
time. The youth and young adults of
today seem to be emulating, adoring, and putting so much value on the
sun-drenched celebrities. There will be
tough times seeing the value of those---thinkers, probers, and scientists---who
are keeping society together. Everyone
has something positive to offer our society…..some do it quietly…. in the
shadows.
← The Humuhumunukunukuapua'a is Hawaii's state fish. Its name is longer than
the fish! I think the short name for it would be
a “Hummer”.
Did you know that these trademark names: BAND-AID, BUBBLE WRAP, CHAP STICK, KLEENEX,
and POPSICLE are all regular words, now?
No, you don’t have to capitalize them when you write them. Whew…I know you’re relieved. J
Brenduhh came over all proud and rejoicing. “I was in a bar the other night, Trudy, and
the bartender yelled, ‘Does anyone know CPR!?’
I called out, ‘I know the entire alphabet!’ Everyone clapped, but one person.” “You’re so smart, Brenduhh,” I said as I
poured more tea.
I have a friend who has an obsession about wearing all her
shiny, metal necklaces at the same time. She seldom takes any of them
off. With all that gold, she looks like
she has on a Mr. T starter set!
Have you ever watched movement on FACEBOOK of something you
could do, such as mopping, dusting, or sweeping and your hand was still on the
“mouse”? My cursor gets a workout!
My pastor asked this question, “Can a human stand his or her
ground without attacking the other?” My
reply was, “They can if they have the vocabulary for it, or if they can be
silent. Silence is a formidable weapon; so are words which are truthful…and
then there is the ‘Mom look’.” PEACE……Trudy
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