2016 May "FMP"

2016 May “FROM MY PERSPECTIVE”

A friend of mine shared with me her conversation she’d had with her husband.  “Me: I have fluid in my ears; I feel it when I talk. My hubby: I wish we had dog treats.” This is why my marriage works, LOL!“

I came across an entry in a little booklet I was given.  There is no author, but the statement or observation is profound:  “People who will not admit they’ve been wrong love themselves more than they love the truth.”  This, to me, goes hand-in-hand with another observation I found and have used which has no author:  “Truth is hate to those who hate the truth.”

As the hunting dog watched the skunk nibble on the food in his bowl, his thought was, “Two of the greatest virtues are wisdom and patience.”

Please know:  Swimsuit season is just around the corner.  In my neighborhood, so is Dairy Queen with a sale on large BLIZZARDS……BUY ONE, GET ONE FREE.  Figures!

Brenduhh came over in a nasty mood.  She argued and fretted at me for about 10 minutes.  Nothing I said changed her attitude.  She isn’t the sharpest point on an angle and presented a COMMON CORE math problem which was wrong, and I tried to help correct it.  “Trudy, 2+2 = 5, doesn’t it?”  I told her it did not, but that it equaled 4.  She argued more so when she asked me again to verify that 2+2=5 I said, “Oh yes it does, and then you have to carry the 1.”  I went to the porch for some air.

 I have a friend who went on a cruise with her family of 4 daughters, hubby and herself.  She took pictures of them all in the van while traveling.  I mentioned to her when I saw the pictures, “You have a U-Haul following you.  Did you know that?”  She replied, “Yes.  That is for our luggage as we travel to Georgia and Florida.”  Well, I was raised in Georgia and she was not.  So, I knew how the Southerners talked.  I told her, “If you stop at a gas station in Georgia you might be asked, ‘Y’all need “awl” in thu U-Haul y’all r-uh haulin’?’”  She told me to please speak English.  I told her I was, but it was Southern English.  Of course, that got me to thinking about what could be asked if the U-Haul was carrying sharp, punching tools which are rusting…..”Y’all need “awl” on thu awls y’all r-uh haulin’ in thu U-Haul?”  I love the Southern dialect.  Joel Chandler Harris, who wrote Uncle Remus’ stories about B’rer Rabbit and those folks, wrote in the deep Southern dialect.  Unless you are familiar with that dialect, you might be ahead to read the stories out loud to understand what is being said.

It is getting much warmer outside at this time.  So there will be people who will say, “It’s too hot for coffee.”  Those people do not understand coffee and are not to be trusted.  Get away from them; banish them from your presence.  You do NOT need this kind of stress or evilness in your life.

Brenduhh say me on the porch swing and joined me for some lemonade.  “Trudy, I’ve decided I’m going to try to laugh at myself more.  I understand it relieves stress, too.”  I told her, “That’s a good idea, sweetie.  It was getting difficult for all the rest of us, and yes, it does relieve stress in “many ways”.

Just try saying, “Irish wristwatch” 3 times fast.  Then, try it 3 times fast after 2 glasses of wine.  Bwahahahahaha!!!!

I was talking with a friend the other day about our trials and tribulations.  We’ve both had quite a few.  She said, “Trudy, you’re so strong.”  I thought about Superman, but I knew she wasn’t meaning all those strengths.  I told her, “Oh, I don’t know about that, but I do know I’ve done what I believed, not thought, needed to be done.  I read a little plaque one time.  It said, ‘Strength doesn’t come from what you can do.  It comes from overcoming the things you once thought you couldn’t.’  I, also, believe what J.C. Watts said, ‘It doesn’t take a lot of strength to hang on; it takes a lot of strength to let go.’  All this together is what strength is, my dear friend, and knowing that there is one entity who will take you through everything if you will trust Him.”

Did you know that catching a bee in your shirt while driving 45 mph increases your vocabulary and demolition derby driving skills/techniques?  Did you know that if you take the word “milk” and change 4 letters you get wine?  Did you know that a pig which knows some karate moves is a “pork chop”?  Did you know that when a person says, “First of all” at the beginning of an argument, they have research, data, charts and a strong determination to annihilate you?  Give up while you still have your butt.  Did you know:  there are bras in bars; lows in slow; there’s tire tier; there are vast vats; you can veto a vote; toneless is noteless?  These are called ANAGRAMS…..different words made from the same letters of another word.  I found one with 27 letters:  hydroxydeoxycorticosterones (a crystalline steroid hormone C21H30O4 occurring in the adrenal cortex) is hydroxydesoxycorticosterone (An analog of desoxycorticosterone which is substituted by a hydroxyl group at the C-18 position.)  Alrighty then!!  Thank you Medical Dictionary on line. 

In March and April others, whom I know, traveled to much warmer climates for vacations.  I found it interesting that they returned grumbling about the temperatures, forgetting that we who stayed here kept the temperatures constant so they would have a comparison analysis.  There was no, “Thank you” from them, either.  Yeesh! Such ingratitude.

I was sitting watching a school bus slow down to release some children.  The orange flashers went on as it stopped, then the red flashers, and the metal, side sign of STOP was extended.  A car sped up and went around it!!  I was furious.  I wondered, “What part of this 45 foot vehicle which has a capacity of carrying 75+ children, with a curb weight of 20,000+ pounds, painted bright yellow with red flashing lights did you NOT see?”  They saw the black and white car with red, white, and blue flashing lights come up behind it, though.  In fact, stupid driver of said car stopped on the side of the road and the black and white car stopped right behind it.  I stood, clapped, and yelled, “All righty then!”

Peace, smiles, and blessings to you.  Trudy

2016 APRIL'S "From My Perspective"

                                               2016 April FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

Postage stamps teach us.  They teach us about the arts, science, public personalities, botany, animals, and much more.  However, the one thing they teach us which is not printed on them is persistence and determination.  They stick to one thing until they get there.

“All of us are born for a reason, but all of us don’t discover why.  Success in life has nothing to do with what you gain in life or accomplish for yourself.  It’s what you do for others.”  Danny Thomas

I know a person who was very skilled at performing in front of people.  In fact, she was so skilled she entered a competition which is usually life changing.  Awards are given and recognized to the best of performers.  When this person did not win any award for her performance, she was devastated because she knew she’d tried her best.  She cried to her mother.  Her mother, through her own disappointment for her daughter, said these profound words, “Doing your best is more important than being the best.”  I’ve often quoted these words to others and truly believe them.

Here are some rather accurate musical terms:  JAZZ: Five men on the same stage all playing different tunes.
BLUES:  Played exclusively by people who woke up this morning.  WORLD MUSIC: A dozen different types of percussion all going at once.  OPERA: People singing when they should be talking.  RAP: People talking when they should be singing.  CLASSICAL:  Discover the other 45 minutes they left out of the TV ad.
FOLK:  Endless songs about shipwrecks in the 19th century, daydreams, wayward people, and lost loves.  BIG BAND: 20 men who take turns to stand up plus a drummer.  HEAVY METAL: Codpiece and chaps.  HOUSE MUSIC: OK as long as it's not the house next door.  (Thank you, Melodie S.)

Have you ever wondered how you could burn calories without having to end up with muscles so sore you wondered what level of insanity you were on?  I’ve developed just the thing.    Each activity is expenditure.

Basking in the limelight; Beating around the bush; Betting your bottom dollar; Causing a ruckus; Climbing the ladder; Carrying a grudge; Changing your mind;  Developing a hankering for; Dodging the inevitable; Dropping names; Eating your heart out;  Egging it on;  Following the leader; Forgetting it; Getting around tuit; Having a kanipshun fit; Having another think; Having your day; Jumping to conclusions; Keeping your head above water;  Laying it on the line; Loading a question; Minding your own business; Paddling your own canoe; Patting yourself on your back; Putting on the Ritz; Raising the roof; Swallowing your pride; Wishing on a star; Watching your step; Waiting until hell freezes over.  Now see, you didn’t even break a sweat. (Oh, that’s one, too.) 405

We had cats and dogs.  The cats needed to be told some things which were irritating.  Here is my letter to them:

 I don't really need you keeping me warm when it is 95 degrees outside.  Let's just use your free heating system when it is really cold.  If you're cold, find a blanket.  "Wake-up calls" when I don't have to get up are not necessary.  I know you are here/there and I will talk to/with you later.  Whining is not appreciated; you're NOT Jewish and I am just a little.  So, knock it off!!!  There is, also, the matter of time---yours vs. mine.   Sweetie, two o’clock in the morning is not my idea of playtime, which corresponds with 1:00 in the afternoon when YOU don’t want to play with me.  Knock off playing with the door stop in my room at 2:00 a.m., or anyone else’s for that matter.  Making it go “BOINGGGGG” WILL NOT entice me into play.  You WILL receive a well-aimed shoe at your butt.  I am sleeping you fool.  That’s another thing, when you yawn to let me know you are sleepy go find a comfy spot and lay down.  Do NOT yawn in my face seeking approval to take a snooze; it’s annoying. I don’t do that to you.  Why is it you can leap up on my bed when I’m sick and I not even know you are there; BUT, God forbid if I’m asleep---you are a ton of bricks landing on my back.  Then you have the nerve to run away, you yellow-bellied coward.  Snooping is also an irritant, at least to Guy it is.  Tracking some odor you want to investigate coming from his under shorts was hilarious, but the poor man almost fell out of bed; leaving nothing funny about how you almost became flat when he rolled over.  You both moved quicker than I’d ever seen.  Just be very cautious should you ever try that adventure again.  A word to the wise, etc. Got it?  For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, and try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the door open.  Sweetie, you are SOOO guilty of this!!!  I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years-canine or feline attendance is not mandatory. Get that Tux (the greyhound) and Sweetie?!  Spinning the toilet paper at 50 mph is for the circus.  You are not a member of any circus troop, YET!!  So, knock that off, too.  I like my toilet paper pieces complete, not as puzzles.  This brings me to the farting issue…claim that which is yours, for crying out loud.  Walking away AFTER you let one SDB go around us humans is rude and cowardly.  We have a tendency to fight about ownership of those things as we try to figure out who did it.  We have seen the smirk on your muzzle. Besides, yours smells like something from the sea or beef; ours do not.  We have more methane. The proper order is: kiss me, and then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough! 405

Education will never become as expensive as ignorance or stupidity with stupidity being the most costly.

A pig and a cow were having a discussion of importance.  It seems the pig was unpopular and noticed how popular the cow was.  The puzzled pig said to the cow, “People speak warmly of your gentle nature and your soulful eyes.  They think you’re generous because each day you give them milk, and cream; but, what about me?  I give them everything I have.  I give bacon and ham.  I provide bristles for brushes, skin for footballs, and other parts of me are nourishing.  Yet, no one likes me.  Why is that?”  The cow thought for a moment and said, Yes, you give a lot.  Perhaps it’s because I give while I’m still living.” 

My Daddy was a successful man in business, with others, and life.  He was in management with a major corporation and received many accolades from his colleagues.  I asked him how those of whom he was their boss felt so positive about him especially when I knew he’d had to have a “chat” with some of them.  He wisely told me, “I learned a long time ago that a good manager will step on your toes, but not mess up your shine.  You can apply that to your teaching of your students, Babe.  No one wants to be reprimanded in a way that the results makes them feel worthless and humiliated.”  I took that to my classroom and used it with my students.  I’ve tried to use it with my children, too.  Mother was more succinct.  She’d tell me, “Make your words sweet, for later it is them you may have to eat.”

I have a friend who was most perplexed at the criticism she’d received from others for doing something they’d done, but she’d done it differently.  She called and cried to me.  I asked her to come over in about 2 hours.  I’d received a booklet of pictures to color using my choice of colors.  There were duplicates.  I took 2 of the same design and colored them using a different selection of colors on the second as I’d used on the first.  She arrived and we chatted.  Our conversation got around to her hurt and perplexity.  I brought out the pictures.  “Oh Trudy, those are very pretty,” she said.  I told her they were the same picture only different colors were used, but the results were each lovely.  “This is the same as what you’ve had to deal with.  Your way of doing what the others did may be different, but the results were equal.  There is proof that no two snowflakes are the same, but they are all beautiful.”  She smiled.

Some things I hate:  When I gain 10 pounds for a role and then realize I’m not an actress.; when I get home from Kroger and find the bag of carrots are actually carrot muffins; when the cream cheese magically turns into New York cheesecake in the car; when the snooze alarm stops at 5 rings and I’m not counting; when the phone rings and it’s someone who needs to talk and I have laryngitis; when my chewing gum looses its flavor after being on the bedpost overnight. 

Recently I saw a sign.  It said:  WELL, HELLO THERE.  YOU LOOK LIKE A BAD DECISION….COME ON OVER HERE.  I won’t tell you what I was thinking, but a smirk came across my face, then a chuckle.

I close this month’s blog/newsletter with this quote:  “The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved -- loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.” -Victor Hugo, novelist and dramatist (26 Feb 1802-1885)

                                 Smiles and blessings to you……….TrudyJ

2016 March "FMP"

2016 March FROM MY PERSPECTIVE

Don’t you just hate it when you know you’re tired and sleepy and keep falling asleep in your chair, then as soon as you go to bed your body and mind say, “HA!!!  ‘Just kidding.”?  It’s, also, a real honk-off when you awaken after sleeping just 2.25 hours and your mind says, “Hey, I want to relive, through your memory, those wild college/high school/single days you had, and it is to be right now!”

IKEA, the Swedish furniture/home supply store which is so popular, is celebrating its 75^th birthday.  I made it a cake and sent it to the closest store.  In the box I placed:  2 eggs, an 8 oz. carton of milk, 2 cups of flour, 1 cup of sugar, a stick of butter, 1 teaspoon of salt, a bowl, a whisk, a pan, and a container of icing.  My message read:  Happy Birthday, IKEA!  Here’s your cake!”  I forgot the instructions, just like they do.

I saw in a West Virginia newspaper an article about a woman sentenced for selling heroin near a playground of a school.  My thought was, “Maybe some of the parents of the children at that school needed to take her up a holler for some ‘physical education’.”

Some girl told me how very difficult it was for her to gain weight.  I told her it was very difficult for me to NOT gain weight.  We had a good laugh, and then I kicked her very hard in her skinny butt.

One Sunday morning a new pastor at a little country church asked an older man to say a prayer.  The man started, “Dear Lord, I don’t like buttermilk.  I ain’t real fond o’ flour.  Salt’s difficult to taste when it’s alone.  Lard leaves a slick, nasty taste in my mouth, and sugar’s a bit gritty on m’ tongue.”  The pastor opened one eye and wondered, “Where in the world is he going with this?”, but remained silent.  The old man continued.  “But, Lord, after You mix ‘em all together and bake ‘em in a hot oven, I just love them biscuits.  Dear Lord, help us to realize when life gets hard, when things come up that we don’t like, whenever we don’t understand what You’re a-doin’, that we need to wait and see what You are a-makin’.  After You get through a-mixin’ and a-bakin’, it’ll probably be somethin’ even better than them biscuits.  Amen and amen, Oh Lord.”  (This just goes right along with Romans 8:28, doesn’t it?)

“Angry people want you to see how powerful they are.  Loving people want you to see how powerful you are.”  Chief Red Eagle

Some things cross my mind every now and then.  For example:  I’m rather certain that the person who put that first “R” in February, also, decided how to spell Wednesday.  Perhaps they put that first  “R” in February to blend with the “B” as a weather report to others about what it’s like in the North during the second month of the year…..BRRRRRR.  This same person probably thought putting a “B” at the end of “plumb” wouldn’t confuse a lot of people about how to pronounce it.  Then there is/are:  there,their, they’re and to/too/two.  FACEBOOK let’s us know how NOT to use the choices of those words.  FACEBOOK:  a chosen nightmare of butchered grammar and sentence construction for an English teacher.

The mark of the educated man is not in his boast that he has built his mountain of facts and stood on the top of it, but in his admission that there may be other peaks in the same range with men on the top of them, and that, though their views of the landscape may be different from his, they are nonetheless legitimate. -E.J. Pratt, poet (4 Feb 1882-1964) In other words, it is when you realize you don’t know it all, and that others have something to contribute to your knowledge, that you are smarter than the average bear.

I went over to Brenduhh’s house to help her; she’d called for some assistance.  I walked into her kitchen and there she stood with a 2 large pizza cutters.  “What did you need me to help you do, Brenduhh?” I asked.  “I have the big pizza to cut.  I went to the doctor today and he told me I need to cut carbs.  Would you help me, please?”  For some reason, only known to her, she believed she was following the doctor’s orders.

Fresh snow absorbs sound, lowering ambient noise over a landscape because the trapped air between snowflakes reduces vibration.  That’s why it gets so quiet when it snows except for the roar of children because there is no school.

You know those lyric sites which provide the words to songs of now and the past?  Well, when I was a kid, we’d have to sing the songs all wrong for years until the truth destroyed us.  Gods, what a shock when I found out that the Fifth Dimension’s AQUARIUS lyrics were, “This is the dawning of the age of Aquarius” instead of “This is the dawning of the age of asparagus, the age of asparagus.”  Then there was Def Leppard’s POUR SOME SUGAR ON ME lyric, which I always thought strange hearing “sweet potatoes, sack of beans” as I sung it, but it actually was “sweet to taste, saccharine.”

While talking with a friend of mine, we got on the subject of “Empty Nest Syndrome”.  We both have 4 children.  She told me she wasn’t looking forward to August when the last one would be going away to college and it would just be her and her hubby.  “I’m not looking forward to the “Empty Nest Syndrome” I’ve heard about, Trudy,” she lamented.  I looked at her and grinned, “Sweetie, you won’t experience it.  Your hubby still lives in the house with you.”

A sign seen in a parking garage:  “PLEASE PAY YOUR PARKING FEE BEFORE EXISTING.”

What do you get when you eat peanut butter with your baked beans?-----a fart which sticks to the roof of your butt.

Budget cuts have hit a certain police department.  There will now be a Chihuahua K9 attack unit.  No ankle will be safe!

Pizza rolls:  a masochistic delight to burn your mouth 15 different times in one sitting.

Churros:  Mexico’s sadistic way of saying, “I bet you can’t eat just one” and getting back at stressed Americans through dessert.

Sunshine is delicious, rain is refreshing, wind braces us up, snow is exhilarating; there is really no such thing as bad weather, only different kinds of good weather. -John Ruskin, author, art critic, and social reformer (8 Feb 1819-1900) Hmmm, I wonder if he’s ever been in a tornado, hurricane, typhoon, or ice storm.  I find none of those refreshing, exhilarating, or supporting (“braces us up”).

The wise Polish saying of, “It’s not your circus; it’s not your monkeys” can not always apply to people with children.  Sometimes it is YOUR circus and they are YOUR monkeys.  I know, I’ve had a ring-side seat often.

Blessings and snickers, Trudy :)

2016 FEBRUARY "From My Perspective"

 2016 February “FROM MY PERSPECTIVE”

 “There is no value in life except what you choose to place upon it and no happiness in any place except what you bring to it yourself.” Henry David Thoreau

“Mm plz snd me sm $$” came a message on my cell phone from one of my kids.  I called them and asked why they had spelled the words like they did, and that reading them was a jolt to my English teacher psyche.  They said, “It’s faster to write like that.”  So, I texted them, “No”….it was faster than “Yes”.

I just read that my favorite breed of dog, two of which I owned, is #24 in the list of the 27 laziest dogs.  It is no wonder, though; they have a burst of speed of up to 40 mph, but after that, they are truly the fastest couch potatoes.  Tux would run for a while then come in and curl up on his futon and sleep for at least 6 hours only opening one eye to check the sounds.  If I called to him to come to me, he’d just lay there with a look of, “Mom, I’m sleeping; YOU come to me, unless you have food.  I’ll get up for food.”  By the way, the greyhound is the one dog in all of dogdom which has the best sight.

While driving on the highway, a car passed me with the license plate of “ENGUSA 1”.  I thought it was rather amusing since the car was a Korean made one.

I make my bed every day. It makes me feel good and when I go to it at night, if the day has been chaotic, I at least have ONE thing to show that that day has had order somewhere. The bed is made.

Here is another explanation, and it is sound.

http://m.wor710.com/onair/mark-simone-52176/head-of-the-navy-seals-explains-13471955/

While talking with friends, the subject came up of “What do you seem to struggle with?”  One person spoke of approval from those she loves who are closest to her.  I thought for a moment then made these statements:  “The one nearest you and whom you should love and seek approval is yourself. You live with you 24-7. If you don't approve of yourself, get busy and make the improvement(s). You are the only one who needs to approve of you. No one else lives with you as much as you do.”  I almost felt like I was speaking wisdom from Dr. Seuss.

A friend and I were sitting with a friend who had been emotionally beaten and devastated by her abusive husband, she said, “I feel so broken.”  Sometimes a few words give more comfort and realization than a plethora of them.  The other friend took her hand and said, “Broken crayons still color beautifully, sweetie.” 

I was asked if I could spend 24 hours without swearing.  My reply to that person was, “A lady tries to find an alternative to a swear word, but sometimes, ‘Male child of a female dog’, ‘male bovine fertilizer’, ‘diarrhea head’, ‘proctologist's work area’ and ‘Oh, Satan's home yes/no’,  just doesn't take care of the moment.”  The questioner replied with, “What???”

I’m sure you’ve had electronic surveys which seem to be a bit too personal.  I did and here is what I said, “I was born on my birthday in the year I was born.  I am human, have all my teeth, and I have an extensive vocabulary.  I am naked under the clothes I’m wearing.  I have taken care of children….more in count of others’ than my own.  I enjoyed and was bound by a loving relationship until death.”

How often have you had tears, but could not say the words?  Tears ARE words---“What cannot be said will be wept.”  Sappho

I saw that Wal-mart was going to be closing 269 stores in 2016.  How heartless that corporation is.  Closing those stores will put 14 cashiers out of work.

Do you remember when as a kid you’d knock on people’s doors and run away before they could answer?  Well, guess what?  UPS is hiring.

This month is very, very special this year.  Only in every 823 years does February have:

4 Sundays, 4 Mondays, 4 Tuesdays, 4 Wednesdays, 4 Thursdays, 4 Fridays and 4 Saturdays.  You’ll never see this again…..EVER!!!!

The names of groups of animals and insects have some interesting reading.  Here are some:  APES: troop; BUFFALO: obstinacy; BUZZARDS:  wake; CAMELS: caravan;  CHEETAHS: coalition; COCKROACHES: intrusion (oh yes!); DOVES: pitying; FLAMINGOS: flamboyance (that’s for sure); GIRAFFES: tower (now you know!); HIPPOPOTAMUSES: bloat; HYENAS: cackle; OXEN: yoke; RHINOCEROSES: crash (fitting, huh?)

Did you know that Chinese is spoken by 1.197 million people?  This makes it the most spoken language in the world.  Coming in at second is Spanish with 399 million, and English is third with 335 million.  The rarest and least spoken language of the world is Taushiro, a language of native Peru.  It is spoken in the region of the Tigre River, Aucayacu River, which is a tributary of the Ahuaruna River. It is known as an isolated language, which means it has no demonstrable relationship with any other language.   There is only one known person who speaks it fluently.  It is considered nearly extinct.  I guess this person talks only to them self.  Imagine the arguments!

I saw two signs recently.  I couldn’t stop laughing because they rang so true.  “I’m not one to brag, but I made it out of bed this morning” and “With enough coffee I can rule the world”, but ‘rule the world’ was crossed out and replaced with, “dress myself and use my grown up manners.” 

My friend gave me a blank piece of paper which said, "Here is a list of 10 ways to win an argument with a woman."  The page was blank.  I went into the other room for a while, returned and gave her the page.  "What is this, Trudy?" she asked.  I told her, "Turn it over.  You'll see."  On the back I'd written, " How to win arguments with a man. #1. "Laugh yourself silly." #2. Say, "Oh really, Buster?" #3-10 "Repeat 1 and 2." If that fails, say, "I'm going to tell your mother."

That’s it for this short month.  Smiles and blessings to you.

Trudy

2016 January FROM MY PERSPECTIVE!!

January 2016 From My Perspective

Usually I’m not real thrilled with automated phone rigmarole about “press 1 for this; press 2 for that”, etc.  I called my pharmacy which has always been very helpful, and I didn’t think there was much the staff could improve on.  It has installed an automated phone service of helping you get to what you want.  One is still able to talk with a real, live person if there is a need by pressing “0”.  I told the pharmacist I liked the new telephone program because I found it to be helpful.  He asked me how I found it helpful.  I told him, “It is helpful with my short-term memory which is waning at my age.”  He laughed for a while and told me my positive statement about the new phone system was the first one he’d heard.

Brenduhh came over for tea.  During our conversation she mentioned her hubby was having an erectile dysfunction problem.  She said, “He told me of his problem and apologized over and over.”  Well, that was very nice of him,” I soothed.  “What did you say to him?”  “Oh I told him I appreciated his apology, and there were no hard feelings,” she blurted.   Furthering our multi-topical conversation, she excitedly told me of her 100 pound weight loss.  “Trudy, I finally made it to losing 100 pounds.  I’m going to go out and buy the tiniest two-piece bikini bathing suit I can find.”  Being the conservative, modest type that I am, I suggested a 3-piece bikini.  “What’s a three-piece bikini?” she asked.  I told her, “That’s the two-piece bikini for you to wear and a blindfold for all the others.” 

A Spanish proverb says – “More grows in the garden, than the gardener knows he has planted.”

Do you wish the world were happy? / Then remember day by day, / Just to scatter seeds of kindness / As you pass along the way. -Ella Wheeler Wilcox, poet (5 Nov 1850-1919)

A friend was telling me that someday YOU TUBE, TWITTER, and FACEBOOK would be consolidated.  “Really?” I commented.  “I can see it now; the site will be called ‘You Twit Face’.” 

That reminds me of FED EX consolidating with UNITED PARCEL-------it would be called FED UP.

A mathematician bought out APPLE; he called his company APPLE PI. 

The Russell Stover Chocolate Company has an outlet store about 45 minutes from my house.  I was returning home when I saw the exit where Cracker Barrel was just across the street from it.  I quickly called my friend, Marva, to ask her if she had an order she’d like me to fill.  She gave it to me.  I told her I was stopping at Cracker Barrel for lunch and would drool over to Russell Stover’s to fill her order; I found all she wanted.  (Yes, you read that correctly.)  I called her when I got home and told her what I’d gotten for her.  “I got you a bag of dark chocolate nut clusters.  The nut selection is: almonds, cashews, peanuts, and pecans.  Oh, and here it mentions coconut, too.  Do you think you’ll like it?”  She thought for a minute and said, “I think I might.”  I asked her, “Do you want me to open the sack and eat one to see if you’d like it?”  There was a pause, then a firm, “NO.” 

Here are some bumper stickers I’ve seen:  “You’re too close!!  I don’t kiss in public.”; “Your vehicle’s color won’t look good on my lawyer’s desk.”; “BACK OFF, BUMPER HUMPER!!”; “Please do not make my bumper your wake-up call.”  

Brenduhh’s husband came over to ask me something; he was a bit upset.  “What’s wrong, Bubbah?” I asked.  “Well, I asked Brenduhh to make me some cornbread.  She put 3 slices of white bread on a plate and dumped a can of corn on top of it.  I asked her what it was, and she told me she’d made cornbread for me.  Would you please teach her how to cook, Trudy?”  I rolled my eyes and told him I would.  “I don’t dare mention ‘nut bread’ to her,” he said.

I saw two signs the other day.  They said, “Smile, you don’t own all the troubles in the world,” and “No one is in charge of your happiness except you.”  That put a lot in perspective.

I was asked, by a friend, “To you, what is a true friend?”  Here is my reply:  “To me, a true friend is someone who accepts you where you are and gently, when they see some flaws which are not to your benefit, invites you to grow.  Their silence can speak volumes, and they don't have to talk; their company is fulfilling, even when they only have briefly been with you; their shoulders are strong for you to lean on when you need to; and they are a reflection of you, and you don't have to look in the mirror.  You can tell them your darkest secret and know it is safe and understood.  They are like phosphorus....only seen when things are dark.  They are the first to come when you need them, and the last to leave making sure you're all right.  They are the ones who will tell you, ‘May you be in heaven 40 years before the devil knows you're dead.’”

I’m getting older, as you are too.  Here are some observations you might agree with:

1.  I talk to myself, because sometimes I need expert advice.  2.  Sometimes I roll my eyes out loud.  3.  I don’t need anger management; I need people to stop irritating me.  4.  My people skills are just fine.  It’s my tolerance of idiots that needs work. (see #3) 5.  The biggest lie I tell myself is “I don’t need to write that down; I’ll remember it.”  6.  Even duct tape can’t fix stupid, but it can muffle the sound.  7.  “Getting lucky” can mean this:  I slept longer than 5 hours; I slept through the night without a bathroom call; I walked into a room and remembered why I was there; I laughed/sneezed/coughed and had dry underwear.  8.  I go to the grocery store, hear a little voice call, “Mommy” and don’t have to be concerned it’s my child who is lost.

I had a heavy box sitting on the stairs for one of the kids to bring up to the kitchen to me; it had a note on it which said, “Whoever reads this first, please bring this to me.”  The first reader did just that saying, “Here’s the note you wrote, Mom.”   My eyes rolled over and over.

I overheard one of my kids talking while watching a scary movie.  “Mom said love is the most important thing.  Did you know that?”  Second kid responded with, “I love watching scary movies.  I think that counts.”

While I was talking to an acquaintance, evidently I said something she didn’t like.  “Gods Trudy, don’t you think before you speak?” they snarled.  Since I wasn’t real friendly with this person, but didn’t want to flat-out offend them, I smiled and said, “What, and spoil the surprise for both of us?”

I have found that one of the biggest communication problems is we tend to listen to reply, not to understand.  Listening and hearing are two processes.  Most people can hear, but it takes special ones to listen.

I believe in being prepared and warning others. I have signs in my windows which say, “BEWARE OF DOG”.  They should actually say, “BEWARE OF PERSON IN HOUSE WHO IS NOT MEDICATED AND HATES INTRUDERS”, but hey, that’s a lot to read if your intent is to steal in the dark of the night and the signs aren’t lit by a 5,000 watt bulb.

These are easy to make and delicious.

Hot Ham & Cheese Party Rolls 

Ingredients                                                                                       

1 can Pillsbury™ refrigerated Classic Pizza Crust            

 ¾ lb (12 oz) deli ham (thinly sliced, but not shaved) 

12 slices Swiss cheese (thinly sliced)

Glaze   

6 tablespoons butter   

2 tablespoons brown sugar   

1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce 

1 tablespoon Dijon mustard 

1 tablespoon poppy seeds

Instructions   

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F. Coat a 9x13-inch baking dish with cooking spray.   

Unroll the pizza dough onto a cutting board and press into approximately a 13x18-inch rectangle. Top with ham and cheese slices. Starting on the longer side of the rectangle, roll up the edge tightly. When you reach the end, pinch the seam together and flip the roll so that the seam is face down. Cut into 12 slices, approximately 1-inch wide. Arrange in prepared baking dish.  Next combine the butter, brown sugar, Worcestershire sauce, mustard, and poppy seeds in a sauce pan over medium heat. Whisk until the butter is melted and the glaze is smooth and combined. Pour evenly over the rolls.  Cover and refrigerate for up to 24 hours or bake, uncovered for 25 minutes until golden and browned.   Makes: 12 rolls.

“Flappergasted” when you have gas leaving your  firmless body and you’re surprised.

Scotch, my Great Pyr grand-dog, is a sweetie. He lets us know when a leaf blows across the yard, a bird flies by, a strange car goes down street, and that he’s glad to see us at anytime.  When I go to visit my son and his family, some of Scotch comes home in the form of his long, white hair on my pants.  Ahhhh, the memories he leaves for me.

I hope this new year brings you warm memories and kindness along the way.  Trudy

2015 DECEMBER

                                   2015 DECEMBER From My Perspective

Brenduhh came over with some news.  “Trudy, there’s been an owl at my window for the past week hooting.

I've been told that owls are supposed to mean they’re warning you about something.”  Well, don’t hoot back; you might start something.  Is it a horned owl?”I asked trying not to laugh.  “I don’t know, but it might be.  Why?” she glibly asked.  “If it’s a horned owl and there every night, maybe he’s trying to tell you he’s horny.  You know the old saying, ‘Birds of a feather flock together.’  Just be careful about with whom you flock.”  You should have seen the puzzled face and heard the mental wheels turning in her head.

QUIDNUNC-----an inquisitive and gossipy person; so is YENTA, NOSY PARKER, BUTTINSKY.

Brenduhh came over wearing a smug grin.  “Trudy, I have to tell you about my husband.  He was mentioning, ‘You don’t make biscuits like my mother used to do.  You don’t iron my shirts like my mother used to do.  You don’t fold my underclothes like my mother did.  You don’t make cream pie like my mother used to do.’  I thought about all he’d said, looked him in the eye and said, ‘Here’s a little reminder of your mother.’  Then, I smacked him on the face……like she used to do.”

There have been times I’ve had so much to pray about and so often to pray about it, that my knees look like lasagna.  Clap your hands if you can identify.

 There were four sophomores taking chemistry and all of them had an 'A' so far. These four friends were so confident that the weekend before finals, they decided to visit some friends and have a big party.  They had a great time but, after all the hearty partying; they slept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to Florida State until early Monday morning.   Rather than taking the final then, they decided that after the final they would explain to their professor why they missed it.  They said that they visited friends but on the way back they had a flat tire. As a result, they missed the final.  The professor agreed they could make up the final the next day.  The guys were excited and relieved.  They studied that night for the exam.  The next day the Professor placed them in separate rooms and gave them a test booklet. They quickly answered the first problem worth 5 points.  Cool, they thought!  Each one, in a separate room, thought this was going to be easy ... then they turned the page.  On the second page was written...“For 95 points:  Which tire? _________”

 This sounds so much like what my beloved did in an advanced geography class he taught.  This one of many times he assigned a written report on something geographical.  Since it was to be done over the Spring break, the kids had a lot of time to do it.  Upon returning to school, he asked for each student's report.  All were turned-in except for one. The student told him in front of the class, "You won't find mine because I was on the beach in Florida and a wave came, ripped it out of my hand, and took it out to sea," she said with a smirk.  Guy smiled and said, "Oh that must have been awful.  Here is what I'm going to do, when you return to that beach in Florida, you'll find your grade written in the sand."

Sometimes there just is not an English word to describe something.  That is why some turn to another language which does it so well.  Here is a German word:  Kummerspeck---excess weight gained from emotional overeating.  Literally, “grief bacon”.

 “Kummer” means grief; “Speck” mean fat.

I am so glad English was my first language.  I can only sympathize with those who have another language as their first and have to learn English.  Of course, there are those who have English as their first language and have difficulty with it.  Here are examples:  COUGH, THROUGH, ROUGH, THOUGH.  None of these words rhyme, but for some weird reason PONY and BOLOGNA do.  I have a daughter who spells phonetically.  PARMESEAN cheese was crossed out 5 times on the grocery list and “STINK CHEESE IN THE GREEN SHAKER THINGY” was written. 

Just realized that I am OCD about eating Reese's pieces....will get a handful and then make sure that I have an even amount of each color before I start eating them.  I’m OCD about M & Ms, too.  I have to have all the “M”s going the same direction or I throw out the “W”s.  And, when my daughter put the PRINGLES she wasn’t going to eat back in the can, she put them up-side down.  I took them out of the can and put them back in the way they should stack.  She said, “Gods, Mom, you have a problem.”  I told her, “Don’t even get me started with a can of pork and beans.”

During a very difficult time this year, I heard many platitudes of advice.  “God never gives you more than He knows you can handle.”  That’s true, but I’m starting to think He has overconfidence in me.  “When a door closes, a window opens.”  Well, what if you are starting to think you live in a cave?  “This too shall pass.”  That’s right, but so does abdominal gas.

A small grandson got lost at the shopping mall.  He approached a uniformed security guard and said, I’ve lost my grandpa!”  The guard asked, “What’s his name?”  “Grandpa,” replied the little fella.  The guard smiled, then asked, “What’s he like?”  The little fella hesitated for a moment and then replied, “Crown Royal whiskey and women with big boobs.”

This is a segue to a true story about my nephew and mother.  My nephew called each of his grandmothers, "Grammie", when he was little.  My mother always had a candy called WHOPPERS on the kitchen counter for him.  One time he got lost in a store and was asked who brought him to the store.  He replied, "Grammie with the whoppers."  Over the intercom came this hesitated, chuckling announcement, "Would Grammie with the whoppers please come get Matt at the check out counter?"  When Mother arrived, the store manager could hardly look her in the eye, let alone talk.

I have a friend who is potty training her 3 year old.  Every day she posts on a social media how many times he’s been successful.  Here is what she said, “Day 3 and Larry has already used the potty! ‘So proud of him...he's really getting the hang of it!”  Here is what I said to her, “How about your husband, has he used the potty and aimed dead-on?? If so, I know you're so proud that he's getting the hang of it.  If he isn’t, maybe you need to post that, too, so it will help him.  LOL”

Wanted: a place to put my head when I'm tired or you're sad. My long hair will help you get calm as you caress it (oh man I really love that). I have brown eyes which are always looking for you and a soul which is thrilled when you walk through the door or greet me outside. I'll keep you warm at night snuggled next to you. I don't eat much and prefer to eat at home with you. Strangers will be welcomed, but watched carefully that they mean no harm. If you have children, oh gods, what a joy they'll be to me. I can keep them entertained for hours while you "do your thing". I'm loyal to a fault, and in my mind, there's nobody like you to me. Treat me the way you'd like to be treated and I'll follow you anywhere; treat me harshly and I'll find something to honk you off, often.  Give me a call. My name is Sparkles.

You know, some gifts you receive throughout your life are not held in your hand; they are held in your heart, mind, and mind’s ears.  “I love you” is at the top of the list of a gift I’ve received from my loved ones and dear friends…even some former students.  “Mom, you’re the best”, said at various times and a few times 13 minutes after I’d been told “You’ve ruined my life!”  “You’re the ONE friend who will listen, understand, and not judge me.  I trust you.”; Their cool, wrinkled, spotted hands slipped into mine when I’d come “home” as I’d sit next to them, and the old grey sweater would be on the back of the settee waiting for me to put it on.  “Tea’s ready, Trutle Bootle,” said Mother; “Toots, you make me laugh all the time,” crooned my Beloved as we had verbally jousted about present or past events.  “I want some ‘fart fellows’ and punkin’ pie,”; “Wow!!!  Blueberry cake, again.”  “Why do you say you love me from the bottom of your heart when it comes from your brain?”  “Gummy” earlobes to nibble; “French fries” to tickle; “vanilla pudding” to gently poke and squeeze; “I’ll love you forever” hugs; “I’m here, Mommee, it’s going to be o.k.”  These are some of the treasures of my mind, heart, and ears.  I know you have many, too.

Writing is thinking on paper. -William Zinsser, writer and editor (7 Oct 1922-2015)

My friend, Tricia, has 3 sons.  One of them called her to tell her she’d forgotten to pick him up after school.  “When you hear the little voice on the other end of the phone...and yeah...he knows you forgot to pick him up.  I could hear the ‘eye rolling’ in his voice,” Tricia said on a social media.  Some of the replies were:  “At least you left him somewhere good for him.”; “It happened to all of us . . . . my little guy was in pre-freakin' school! I'm surprised he EVER forgave me . .  although . . . he does still bring it up! BTW, he's a married adult man now.” and in reply to that statement, “Wasn’t that just last week he was ‘in pre-freakin’ school’?”  “Hey...part of being a parent is being real....you are teaching your children grace by giving them a chance to see that you are not perfect and they get to forgive you.......say you are sorry, bake them cookies, count your blessings that nothing really bad happened and move on......cheers to you and your wonderful family.”  “What chapter is ‘forgetting to pick up a child and how to resolve the wounded’ in the study guide for being a parent? I'm glad he had telephone service and all was fine.”

I’m sure some of you can identify with this.  I can.

Piglet asked, “How do you spell ‘love’, Pooh?  Pooh answered, “You don’t spell it, you feel it.”  :)

If you want to know the difference between a master and a beginner, remember-----the master has failed more times than the beginner has ever tried.

In my 70 years of life I have noticed that so much of society has become so fake that the truth actually bothers some people.  This is a segue to a saying I like a lot----“Truth is hate to those who hate the truth.”

May your Christmas or Winter celebration be filled with smiles, love, laughter, and great memories for now and many years after.  Merry Christmas to you from, Trudy :)